How to handle it when trying to get up, and things keep pulling you down?

@AmbiePam (51158)
United States
November 24, 2007 8:34pm CST
This past month has been really busy. A lot has been going on. With my family's health, and not just my aunt who has cancer, although she is resting at home right now doing OK. Thanks for the prayers for that. : ) To top it off I have my own set of responsibilities, although it seems some people forget that. I have an acquaintance who seems to think I should drop everything and pay attention to them. Granted, they are an acquaintance, so I don't feel so bad about it, but I wish people would think about what is happening on other people's lives, not just their own immediate life. In the same vein, I don't want to be so focused on my own issues that I overlook another's needs. I just want to be able to pull myself up without things and people trying to pull me back down. I don't feel being bipolar is even entering into my feelings right now, and I'm glad. I don't want to go down that hole! : ) So what do you personally do when you're trying to get yourself in order and other people and things keep pulling you down and keeping you from what needs to be done? I'd really love to hear from you all.
4 people like this
14 responses
• Philippines
27 Nov 07
well nobody really wants to go down the hole... but at times like this, its good to slow down a bit, take each day one step at a time :-).. as they say, you may rest but don't quit.... and at each day, don't forget to bow down in prayer... if there's any strength that we have that makes us go on in each day, it's not solely from us.... take care AmbiePam, life is just a series of ups and downs, ups and downs... what matter's most is what we learn from this life ;-)
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I'd like to think I never stop growing spirtually or emotionally. I know that the only reason I am still standing is because God has given me strength. It makes me want to cry when I try to think of what I would have done without Him. I think I need to give up more of my life instead of trying to take control of it when I don't really even have the reins to begin with! : )
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Nov 07
as they say, "Let go and Let God"... and you'll never go wrong....
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Nov 07
Grab Carole Kings Tapestry album! Start with track number 5. I believe it is called Get up every morning with a smile on your face! Oh well, that's part of the lyrics any way. This song does ring true. I was in a really bad place 12 months ago, alone with 3 little kids and heavily pregnant with #4. I was alone, no way to get anything done. I listened to this song over and over, cried my heart out (breaking the drought in the area!) and then did it. Instant results. I was better able to focus on what I had to do and people were more willing to help me because of it. You could say, Carole King saved my life! Now, if I get down, out comes the cd and I listen to that song over and over until my whole family knows it by heart! lol. Every situation is different and you have to go with what you have. If people are being selfish around you about trivial things, just tell them that you aren't in the mood for it and that you have to sort yourself out first.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I think Carole King sang on the Gilmore Girls soundtrack, and she made an appearance on the show once. I have a thing for a couple free music downloads, maybe I can get a few songs off that album you're talking about.
1 person likes this
• Australia
26 Nov 07
Indeed she did sing on the Gilmore Girls album, a duet with the girl who plays Rory! This song, too, is on the tapestry album. It is funny how the music of yester year is often still more relevant than the music of today. I hope that you are able to find your solid ground soon. Every up and down we go through makes us stronger. Life is a learning curve and we are all students, no matter how old we are.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Nov 07
Hi Ambie, I can totally relate to your situation. It seems that everyone wants a piece of me and there isn't much left over for me. Isn't it funny that this happens to some of us. But where are all these people when we need a piece of them? I went through a very tough divorce several years back. At a time when I needed to feel some love and support it was my own parents who tore me down the most. I finally had to just stop seeing them and talking to them for a couple of years. If I was going to have to build myself back up I sure didn't need to be around people who did nothing but criticize and be little me. After a couple of years when I had my mind back on straight I did go back around but with my guard up. Sometimes you just have to avoid the ones who do you harm and try to surround yourself with people who have positive attitudes and care about you. I understand how busy you get, me to seems we just don't have time for ourselves. Please know you can PM me anytime and vent, may just vent back. Could be healthy for both of us. Hugs. and hang in there.
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Thank you so much! I think you put that right, that everyone wants a piece of you. And I think if some of these people knew what was going on, they would back off. But I don't feel like I should have to tell them just to get them to be patient with me. I'm glad I have a venting partner now, LOL. : )
• United States
25 Nov 07
Any time friend. Always here.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
30 Nov 07
I started a discussion like this. What keeps you Holding On. In that I tried asking what keeps people going and from time to time gave advice on it. Right now though, I have no answers to the question. I mean things pull me down in life, but I think I've reached the point where its too many things or a few things pulling me down too many times. I'm glad you are watching for other people's needs Ambie, I do the same and I feel great anytime I'm of help in that. But it just seems like I'm overrun.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I bet you are overrun. Internet knowledge of you or not, it's obvious you are very nice person, willing to work hard and help where you can. Sometimes I wonder about my judgment because I am bipolar. Usually I never think twice about helping people. But sometimes I wonder if I'm trying to make up for my deficiencies elsewhere.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Hi Pam I know youve had a rough time of it lately with family members being sick and I am glad your aunt is home and I hope she starts to feel better real soon. I know what your saying granted I love my family but they can be really into themselves alot. I dont ignore them but I dont get completely involved with their problems which they think are the end of world at times.LOL Sometimes you just have to focus on yourself and no its not selfish at all. We must be in controll of our own lives and times that can be so very hard.Stay strong my friend. I try to focuse on being postive about everything. And I know you have a great sense of humor that always helps. Laughter keeps me going alot of time. Hugs to you!
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Really lately it has been 'friends' who are driving me up the wall. Instead of understanding the extensive history of legit health problems throughout my family, they expect me to drop everything to be there for them when they want to talk. And if I can't, they don't have patience for that. I know, it doesn't sound like much of a friend. LOL
• Canada
26 Nov 07
Pam you are in a tough spot for sure. I have found it so hard my entire life to find a healthy balance between friends and family, and priorities and want to! I think I have a better handle on it right now then I have ever had in my life but still it isn't quite right because instead of spreading myself to thin trying to please everyone I kind of put a barier up with friends. I am not sure this is such a good thing. I have not sure how to fix it or make it right as I just know that I can't do what I have always done in the past and that is try to be all things to all people. Not healthy! It is good to have friends though that is for sure.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
26 Nov 07
It's good to have online friends as well, such as you! : )
@laurika (4536)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Somtimes we are just trying to do so much for other people and forget about ourself. And when we got the problems and need someone to help us, the people would just critize you, when you really don't need something like that. It is really hard to handle few things sometimes, but I would just cut few contacts of the people who don't just keeping me depressed or are talking only. about themself. Also another thing is to learn how to say no to people, I am still learning it.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Yes, it is hard to say no when all you want to do is to be nice. But then again, people who continually expect you to put them first, probably shouldn't be in my life in the first place.
• United States
25 Nov 07
Well, sometimes i think that when we are trying pull ourselves up and things/people try to pull us down (most of the time w/o the person realizing what they are doing to us) its for a reason. Its for us to fight harder to get where we want to be. Most of the time its not easy to get where we want to be, but when we get there, especially when we've over came issues, we can look back at where we were before, and be proud =] Even though things arent fabulous in your life, where you are today is a better place than where you were not long ago..dont you think? When i try and make a change for the better, especially with hard feelings towards certain people, there's always that certain person(s) who can say ONE things and it shatters all ive worked for. It takes alot for me to get to a place where I can forgive a person, and when they say or do something that is upsetting to me, i have to start allll over again. I cant always start over right away either..sometimes its MONTHS. SO, i know your frustration in away. I hope you get to the place you are trying to get to! (((Hugs))) (im tired and i hope what i wrote made sense and pertained your discussion)
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Oh it did. And you said one thing that I had been thinking about. Although I am worse off financially than I ever was, I would not go back in time for anything in the world. I'm better off in other ways at the point in time.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
25 Nov 07
Sometimes it is hard to stay focused on the things that have to be done. But it is so needed. We also can't forget to take time out to relax and enjoy ourselves. If we push ourselves too hard, we will have a breakdown. We have to prioritize. I do the things that can not wait and then take time for fun. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to help anyone else.
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Oh I know. I have to fight the feeling of being selfish when I want to just do something for myself. But to keep my sanity, I think I may just have to get over it.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
25 Nov 07
You must be a giver...the person everyone can count on to be there for them. That is wonderful but like you said time consuming and you do have your own things that need to be done. I used to have the problem but there came a time that I had committed to do so many different things for people that I just about lost it. I finally made a list of things I had committed to do...finished them off one by one and then learned to say no. It was not only hard for me to do but when I told some "no" it was hard for them to accept. Just go with what you want to do..only as much as you want or feel you can handle.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I like the idea of actually making a list. I think it could help me see what has to be done, and what has to wait, no matter what.
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
27 Nov 07
i know i am the same way,i also have to learn and try to put myself first but sometimes it's so darn hard to do because when someone needs me i always say yes and i am there.but i do like the sound of the list thing that someone mentioned,i might have to try that myself.take care hon and things will work out smoother.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
26 Nov 07
I seem to also have people always wanting me to do things for them. I have three children LOL But it is a struggle for me to make time for others when there is so much that I need to do for myself. But I am started to SLOWLY learn that I will be a better friend/family member if I get the things done for myself first and then others because then I will be able to give them the time they need cause mine is finished. I have even unplugged the phone and not answered the door when people are bugging to much. When I can I will help but not at all cost.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
25 Nov 07
You have to put your own needs first. You are useless for helping other people if you are not healthy, physically & emotionally. I don't mean you personally are useless, obviously you go out of your way to help others. But there has to be a limit if things are getting on top of you. Take some time out for yourself, & if others request you be available for them, just firmly & politely tell them you have issues you need to deal for yourself first.
1 person likes this
@ar2sun (123)
• India
25 Nov 07
You cannot lie down for ever . Life is all about repeated attempts to succeed . So get up and move on .
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Did you read the discussion? All I've been doing has been on the go doing things. Besides that, I'm disabled. If I need to 'lie' down, I'm going too, LOL.
@ar2sun (123)
• India
26 Nov 07
Sorry if I had hurt u in any way . Probably i mistook what u had mentioned . I have faced many such situations before and have faced so many many forgetful situations in my life . Many people around me have never let me to recover from many of my hardships . Time has been a great healer in most of the cases for me . When trouble strikes me, at that time I feel unsafe but after a few days I begin to feel much better . But during the time you are trying to put things in order, in my experience, i would suggest that you pay no importance or literally avoid the company of people who de-motivate you and stay in the company of those who encourage and motivate you . Remember when you are around those who pray for your success you are always successful .
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Thank you for clarifying. : ) I wish you the best.