Being alone IN a relationship
By moodus
@moodus (118)
United States
November 26, 2007 9:05am CST
There's nothing worse than loving someone who finds it easier to be absent from a relationship than to put themselves into it. I am leaving this person now, but have gone through a lot of heartache over trying to figure out how someone can remove you and any feelings like they don't need them or never had any use for them. Being involved with someone who, in my opinion, is not human (isn't it human to want someone who loves you around, share feelings and be open in that?). This woman finds it easier to share with the people she is not attached to and cannot manage anything with me, who she has gotten herself involved with over 2 years ago! I have realized that I felt better in all the times I was alone than being with her and being removed and alone. I have never felt this alone in my entire 49 years on this earth! I find her behavior to be that of no one else I have ever known. How can a human being not want to have the love that is given to her? How can she prefer sleeping alone and only wanting me when SHE feels like it AND expecting me to be there when the mood strikes her? This is what I experience every day. Like I said, I could feel less alone actually being alone. Anyone ever experience this in their lives?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
30 Nov 07
I was involved with someone like that. My situation was a little different, because our relationship was polyamorous, but this woman just picked me up and dropped me like I was some kind of toy. She had been my best friend for years before we became romantically involved, and at first she was really loving and intimate with me. And then as time went on she just started picking me up whenever she wanted and dropping me anytime she didn't... to the point where sometimes she would avoid my calls and emails for months and then suddenly decide we were going somewhere together, and act as if no time had passed. Grrr. How cruel!
We never officially broke up, we just kind of... stopped. I've been having a lot of health problems the past couple of years, and she wasn't really there for me, and then last time I saw her she acted like everything was normal... but she didn't return any of my calls or emails afterwards. So I'm done with her.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
30 Nov 07
*nods* I think a lot of people really don't realize when they are being cruel. They just think they are taking care of their own needs, not how they are affecting others. *sighs*
I've come to the point where I am no longer willing to accept such behavior. My relationship with my husband is currently monogamous, but if I were to become involved with someone else, it would not be someone who played such games. And I will be done with my marriage if my husband plays such games with me.
@moodus (118)
• United States
1 Dec 07
This IS how I feel and as we speak, this woman did her "normal routine" which was giving me her brand of closeness most of the evening and then off to bed with her dog (who she apparently enjoys more than me) and leaves me to be alone in "my room" to sit here writing away to you and not thinking one bit about how this makes me feel. Her comments have always been the same.."Well, you know how I am and how I like having my space"..PUH-LEEEZE!!! This behavior hurts me tremendously and does she give that a thought? Hell NO! So here it is, another Friday night spent alone...I am honestly considering going for that young woman because, from all I have seen from her, she is really interested in spending time with me and hopefully, if I can get up the nerve, I WILL do something about that. This crap with feeling alone and left out of the life of the person who "supposedly" cares for me is crap! This woman wouldn't know love or compassion or anything if it crawled up her butt and danced around!!!
@delladidit (466)
• United States
26 Nov 07
...At times, it is much easier to communicate with people you are not emotionally invested in. There is little to loose if they do not agree or approve. If you feel an emotional tie with someone, it is not as easy to speak your mind. There can be the fear of hurting them, of rejection, of disapproval and of loosing them.
...Have you told her how you feel? Does she understand she has closed you out emotionally?
...Good luck with this. Peace be with you. =(^;^)= Della
@moodus (118)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Thanks delldidit...I hadn't given that much thought but now that you've said so, it is something that may be quite valid. In answer to your question if I've told her that she's cutting me out emotionally..Yes, in so many words I have. I've said that she accepts all that i have to offer when I share my feelings, but gives nothing in return from herself so why should I continue to give? I told her that I am leaving this relationship and as soon as I get employment again, I will leave but the difference between this time and the other is that I will not call her, will not write, nothing. I don't think she believes me b/c she knows of the strong connection we have shared, but I do mean it and it will be proven once I leave. This has happened before where we've been 600 miles apart and we would talk every day and just keep up the regular daily conversation. She has told me that she would be devastated if we didn't have each other, but never does anything to prove it...so, this time, I am gone.
