" I love you but your job scares me"

United States
November 26, 2007 3:33pm CST
What would you do if your loved one's job scares you?He/she is either a cop or a soldier and let's say they weren't doing the job when you started seeing them.Could you support their passion for their job or would you try to get them to change? Me, if my boyfriend was training to be a cop or any other dangerous profession,I would support his choice but I know I couldn't remain his girlfriend. I would worry him and myself to death. I would remain his friend but I would have to stop being his girlfriend.In the long run, he would be happier and I would too.If he was lucky enough to find a job that he is passionate about, I would never stand in his way.I would support him as much as I could.
7 people like this
15 responses
• United States
27 Nov 07
You have to trust that your loved one is very good at their job. They wouldn't be out there if they didn't like their job and therefore lax or they didn't know what they were doing. But there are jobs where its not the danger, but the different lifestyle a family would have to have which I could see someone not interested in. where they would not seek out to date someone in those lines of work but if they fell in love with someone who became one, they would stick by them.
3 people like this
• United States
27 Nov 07
No. I would trust that he knew what he was doing ,but I wouldn't trust that he would come home every night. I would die a little each time. And I would become a huge B!tch to him until he changed jobs. And that isn't fair. so I would leave.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Nov 07
yea its different when they are already in that profession. you knew what they did before you met them so you have to deal with it. But if they decide to do it after you been dating awhile than yea I would say that the other person should have an opinion on it.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Nov 07
If I met him and he was a policeman,I would be friends but I wouldn't become his girlfriend. I would drive him crazy worrying about every little thing.
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
26 Nov 07
I admire your stance very much but I think it would be so hard to remain friends only with someone you loved and I feel it would be even harder for you if he started getting involved with some-one else. oh I think that would be harder than seeing him in a dangerous job but I understand your feelings.
• United States
26 Nov 07
If I love him, I would want him to be happy. And if he wants to be a policeman,he isn't the man for me.and if he found a person that could share his dream, I would wish them luck.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Nov 07
I have never and could never be attracted to a guy who has that profession or is interested in adopting it. I just don't like that kind of guy. So no, I couldn't be with someone of that profession.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Nov 07
I agree. If I just met a guy and he told me he is a cop or fireman or soldier, I would just be his friend and that is it.But if he was something else when we met and then wanted to become a cop, etc, I would haveto break up with him.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
26 Nov 07
I always told myself I couldn't be with a firefighter or a cop, because of the constant worrying. However, ya never know where life will lead you, I'm with a cop now, granted he was one when we met, we've been together over 2 years now, do I worry about him, yes, but I've learned that the time we have together is more important then worrying about what might or might not happen. And I've been a wildland firefighter for 12 years now, and starting next spring I will be eligible to be sent out west on the big fires, will he worry about me, sure, but he won't let it consume him either. And my daughter is married to a soldier, he's home with us this holiday season, but has served in Iraq on 3 tours of duty, it's hard for her at times, but they stay in touch and she comes and spends time with us, we live 6 hours apart. So, things we think we could never do, become possible is you truly respect and love the other person.
3 people like this
• United States
27 Nov 07
It is because I love and respect him that I would let him go. It would be better than making him change so he can be with me.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
26 Nov 07
I think I could be supportive and stick by them. Everyday when we walk out the door there are dangers even in just walking across the street. I know what you mean though..it's like they would be setting themselves up for danger!
3 people like this
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
27 Nov 07
It is not the job you are in Love with, it is the person and I cant see what a job has got to do with love. By the time you fall in love, you will have known the person, his/her name, the job he/she/does, where he/she comes from. his/her relatives nd if after nalysing all these you still appear to b in love, then it should be clear to you, that is your love and what work he/she does is immaterial.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 07
The type of job I am talking about isn't just a job, it is a way of life.And what I am saying is I didn't sign up for it so since I love the person, I would let him follow his dream.
• United States
27 Nov 07
I think it takes a pretty strong person to admit something like that and an even stronger person to be able to remain friends with the person. I on the other hand take the other view of this. My husband is a soldier with the 82nd airborne and just this past year we experienced a pretty big test of our relationship when he was sent to Iraq last august. It was scary and stressful but I love him and I wanted to stay with him, at that point we werent married yet. He is very important to me and I know how important his job is to him. I feel blessed that despite this he decided he wanted to include me in his life. Being separated for that long and continuing to maintain a relationship was stressful and sometimes difficult with me still being in college. Then in April his humvee hit an IED and he got a broken knee cap and some other injuries that caused him to be sent home to recover. he was stationed at ft bragg so thats where all his recovery would be taking place, I was finishing my sophomore year in college. He couldnt stay with me in Va but he needed someone to be with him becuase he couldnt drive himself. I made the choice to move with him to NC so I could be with him and help him even though the only way the army would let us do that is if we got married so we did. I love him so much that I sarificed a big part of my future and put it on hold to help him. sometimes when you love someone thats what you do. other times you have to do things the way you said and just let it go to be best for both of you. :)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Congrads on your marriage.I am so glad you two got married. You are the flip side of my post.And I don't think you put your future on hold, your husband is a big part of your future.Best Wishes. I hope hubby is doing okay. Take Care.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
27 Nov 07
Well if that's what he really wants to do, I think you should give him a chance. Give him a few years to do it. Be financially intelligent so he can retire early and take on a much safer job.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Being a 911 dispatcher, I see the pain the guys go through. It takes a special kind of spouse to be able to deal with the fear. There are only a few guys that have been married for a long time. Most are on their 2nd or 3rd marriages. The fear, danger, long hours, unwanted overtime. It can be a real problem in some marriages. You definitely have to know what you're getting into and be able to handle it !!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 07
They are special people. I am definitely not that type of person.
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
27 Nov 07
If I love someone, it doesn't matter what they do. Yes, I'd worry. I'd be afraid that something bad might happen that takes them away from me. But I would still support them, let them follow their heart and be there for them when they need.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 07
I would still be close but not so close.That way he could do his job and not worry about me and I could support his dream but far enough away that i would worry a little less.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
27 Nov 07
When my husband and I met he was military and he still is. But, his job has changed. Where he used to sit in an office all day everyday and never deploy, he now deploys a lot. He is out using explosives, and is trained to save lives in the middle of combat. He is a medical provider, yet so much more. I can't even explain all the aspects of his job here. I do know that he is constantly training, that way when he does deploy he is fresh in his knowledge. Before he was in this job he was a counter terrorism cop. The training he got from that job, has only helped him in this one. Yes, his job scares me and sometimes I hate it. That being said, I could never turn my back on him or our relationship because I was scared. Walking away from him wouldn't make me love him less, so it certainly wouldn't make me worry about him less.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 07
Your story is different. he was in the military when you met.You knew that was his passion and you had the choice to either get used to it or walk away.Knowing me, I wouldn't even start a close relationship with a military man.I was thinking about what I would do if my boyfriend was in a different job and then decided to go into something dangerous.I would stop the relationship so he could follow his dream and fine a woman like you who could live with his choice.Just because I am leaving doesn't mean I don't support him , Actually it is the only way I could really show my support. If I stayed, I would make his life with me a living hell.How is that being supportive? And just because I am leaving doesn't mean I stop worrying, it just means he won't see how worried I really am, so he is free to pursue his dream.
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Well if I truly loved someone then I would accept any job that they would choose. Because I could not give up a love just because I was scared. People die when it's their time to go rather they die in the line of duty or in a car accident on there way to a "not scary" job. I would support them and pray for them when they left for work. I wouldn't worry so much because it would just drive me crazy and you can't change anything by being worried. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 07
It is because I can't change and I would never ask him to that I would leave so he could follow his dream.That would be the best thing I could do for him.That way what we had will not be killed by me worrying and adding to his stress.
• China
29 Nov 07
I don't think so, If I love a girl,she want do a job as a cop,I will support her to work and love her forever.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Nov 07
That is great. You are better than I.If my man wanted to be a cop, I wouldn't be good for him. I would be so worried that I wouldn't be the person he fell in love with.He would have stress at home because of me, so I would leave. It would be the brst way to support him.
@youless (112263)
• Guangzhou, China
27 Nov 07
I can understand it. It is very hard to have a partner who has a dangerous job. Since I love him, so I want him to be safe all the time. Otherwise I will be so sad and suffering. As long as I love him, so I care about him. Maybe I am selfish and perhaps I can't agree with his decision, but I still hope he will change a safer job.
1 person likes this