Fire Is Great For Burning The Past
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
November 26, 2007 5:52pm CST
It is has been exactly 7 weeks since I got out of my 4.5 year abusive relationship, I am starting to settle down in my new life and although I have had emails from my ex which I have ignored I am finally trying to put my past behind me.
I finally had the courage last night to put all the birthday, Christmas cards and letters my ex sent me or gave me on the fire. It was highly symbolic, burning the past, it made me feel good and I watched as each letter caught fire and burnt.
I am seriously considering burning all my journals too to burn the past, why keep my journals which remind me of the horrendous past and the mental anguish I suffered as well the 'old me'
They say by burning your past it helps you move forward and it is very therapeutic.
I still suffer terribly with my nerves and it will be some time before I am back to normal but at least I have survived and I am at peace where I am now living.
A strong believer of Time Heals I am finding as each day passes I am getting a little stronger and hopefully next year I can think about getting my life back on track again.
I am also hoping my ex will continue to leave me alone and know I have supportive family and friends behind me if my ex starts to hound me.
So what do you do to forget the past.
Have you used fire to destroy things to help you move on?
5 people like this
17 responses
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Hi Wolfie,
I think that sounds like a really good idea. I mean out of sight and mind easier to forget about. What a good start for you. Staying away from anything that reminds you of your past is the best thing for you. Im glad that you got out of that relationship, definately not healthy.
I hope she continues to leave you alone too. I had a time getting my ex to leave me alone, no matter what I said or did he was still calling and dropping by out of the blue. Thank goodness I finally moved and then so did he. lol No where near me though! Further away actually, what a blessing. He will send me emails every blue moon, but not enough to get on my nerves, I just delete them.
Bay Lay Gray xx
1 person likes this
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Well you cant very well burn emails now can you? Hehe
You must have really meant something to her Wolfie. Lets just hope you dont have to get an order of protection against her. What did you do to this girl to make her fall so deeply in love? If you dont want to talk about it I understand. I actually shouldnt even be asking, your trying to forget her! Sorry love!
Bay xx
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
28 Nov 07
It is fantastic that you got out of this relationship and have started to build a new life for yourself. I think that getting hold of all the cards and letters your ex sent you and destroying made sense. If you have done so getting rid of photos must have been helpful as well. Some of your journals might have happy times in as well. Maybe think about keeping a few selected pages. It is wonderful that you are getting stronger and know that time heals. Slowly you are getting your life back on track. Good luck.
I have never used fires to get rid of things. However I have ripped up and thrown away in a rubbish sack some photos and letters sent to me. I once changed my email address to stop hearing from an ex.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
28 Nov 07
Trouble is if I changed my email It would take me about a month to change all my sites, notify friends and update my details! I only wish I could bounce emails, that would solve a lot of problems. Thank you for your response, it is still hard but it's a slow process, 4 and a half years is a long time.
@raydene (9871)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I never burn anything that I have done..good or bad it makes me me and although I do not dwell on old diaries I do read them once in a while...I will never mforget my past..someone once said forget not least you repeat...Many times in my life I have looked back to remind myself of why I should not jump too fast or now to trust too much.
Those journals are a part of you and it will in time be a way to measure your progress..Someday you will read them and remember how very brave you were and when you are doubting yourself you can look back and say...Look how I have gained...I am me and I am strong!!
good luck Doll
xxxxxx
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
27 Nov 07
If the items would be useful to someone else, wolfie, I usually give them away, but, in a case of personal documents and phots, I would do the same as you. Fire is a great purifier. That's why people use the term "burning bridges." So, burn your bridges and don't look back. You can be like the phoenix who rose from the ashes.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
27 Nov 07
Ah so that's where burning bridges comes from oh and thank you also I couldn't remember the word purify and I was racking my brains when I typed the discussion, all I came up with was purge instead oh well! Phoenix who rose from the ashes I like that terminology! Maybe Phoenix34 instead LOL x
@jintodelhi (136)
• India
28 Nov 07
Hi, Wolfie
I my life I have lots of things which I don't want to remember. I will never burned anything which did but I myself enganged in new things and I diverted my mind to new subject, thus I forgot all the bad memories, but still I remembering those things but, now I am not bothering about that because I have something good to remember for me.
I feel if your are burning all your journals or articles, it means you are trying to run away from your past, but it will follows you. If you are trying to face it, then it will not follow you and you will get courage to face all the difficulties which will come to your life.
I wish all the best for your life and good luck.
1 person likes this
@tinah415 (9)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Yes I sure have. You are still in the phase where you are coping with getting over the past and moving on with what else life has in store for you. If it is helping you move on with your life then it you surely did the right thing. With the what you are saying proves that you are ready to move on and forget the past, and you are doing great so far.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6298)
• India
27 Nov 07
The other day, I read a wiccan spell on a site that I just use to pass time, it said if you wanty someone to go away from your life just tear up his photo and burn it and then flush it down the toilet but do not do it with immense hate as person may die or spell may rebound on you. I had thought of all the people I wish I had never met in my life but suddenly flushing down the toilet part seemed too gross to do. As I am not sure if I hate anyone as much. May be I do not have that much hate or annoyance inside me to do such a thing. You can try it out though I feel its more of psychological and emotional release then actually possible.
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
28 Nov 07
I think it's a good thing for you! It will be a symbolic and literal ending to that part of your life. I'm so glad you're doing well, and enjoying your new life.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
1 Dec 07
I think I have burned some things but I can't remember what so it's been erased from my memory.
I think you are entering a very healthy state of mind and I sincerely hope the joy of Christmas touches your heart with great healing. Remember to laugh often...laughter is the best medicine.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
27 Nov 07
To be honest I haven't.
I think whatever troubles me is better off being sorted with my head, as it's that which needs to come to terms with things. I do think it helps to do things like this but I've never needed to do it.
My life is pretty much made up of smilies and getting on with whatever I can make it... My family helps =)
~Joey
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
27 Nov 07
I remember your post about abusive relationship but I don't know that it was over only a few months ago. I thought it was last year or something. I have burned my diary, before I came here to live with my husband. I think I did that for the same reason as yours, plus I didn't want to bring it here since it's full and I could always get a new one here. The memories are still there but fading away, maybe because I never read the diary again. I hope you can get your life back on track again.
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
27 Nov 07
I feel for you. I know how emotional it is to break up with someone you love with all your heart. I have gone through a marriage and life does go on. It will take more than 7 weeks to get over it completly. It took me about 5 years to get over my first husband. I am now remarried and have been for the last 11 years. In those five years I said I would never fall in love again. That it just wasn't worth the pain, it makes a peson very vulnerable. But eventually someone else does come along and you do take that chance again.
As for burning everything that reminds you of her. I don;t think that really works. You can't burn memories. The memories will always be there, you just have to let them not rule your heart.
In time it will get easier. The hardest part is the beginning of the break up. The looking for that person where ever you go, no matter how much you want to forget, you can't. Just take it easy on yourself and give yourself some time. Time really does heal.
1 person likes this
@kimberlylynn (978)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I don't think you can ever forget the past, just learn from it and help someone else learn from what you did. Maybe you could help counsel other who were abused or join a support group. I have several friends who were in or still are in abusive relationships and it is hard for anyone who hasnt been there to understand how manipulative these people are. I do like your fire idea and will pass that along!
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
27 Nov 07
oh wolfie im so proud of you,doing what is best for you is the first step to recovery and i know you had a tuff time getting out,but you did the right thing. burn the things if it helps with the pain, you have all my prayers that you will never go back, take the time you need and in time it will all be a distant memorie barley ever thought about.
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
27 Nov 07
I think I tried it once and it was stupid.
All it did was smoke my room and render it unlivable for a while. :P
@heres2thescarsUleft (313)
• United States
27 Nov 07
First of all, congrats on getting up the strength to get out of the relationship - many people stay in these types of relationships because they don't see a way out.
My best friend and I actually would have a burning ritual every year where we would burn at least one item that we needed to put in the past. It might be about an ex boyfriend or a family issue. Whatever it was I know we always felt better about the situation afterwards.
Again, congrats and time will heal your pain!
