How big of an effect does divorce really have on the kids?

United States
October 28, 2006 11:53pm CST
Does divorce create long-term negative effects for children? What do you think? Do you believe that a marriage should stay together for the sake of the children? (assume that the child is undr NO risk of abuse or neglect in the current household pre-divorce)
3 people like this
7 responses
@deeds14 (815)
• United States
29 Oct 06
It definately creates long-term negative effects. The children use their parents as a model for relationships. When they see their parents give up on the relationship because there are problems, the children will probably learn something negative about this. My parents had a terrible marriage for many years. As a teenager, I was rooting for a divorce, believe it or not (shows how awful it was living there). But instead of giving up, they went to couples counseling and, over the course of a few years, worked it out. Is their relationship perfect? No way! But I learned from them the importance of perseverance in a relationship and to not give up on a relationship. I use this, as an adult, in my relationships today, and I have better relationships because of it.
• Philippines
30 Oct 06
i rated you for this. i, too, believe that children use their parents as a model for relationships. that's why i feel so lucky to have parents who had an ideal and happy marriage --- until my dad passed on to another life.
1 person likes this
@kmeyne (35)
• United States
30 Oct 06
Well when I was still married to my ex my children were 3 and 9 months. We were all very unhappy. I was afraid to get a divorce and leave my kids without a full time dad. However, once we got through the initial pain and displacment I could see my children becoming happier and more relaxed children. Then I found a wonderful man who takes care of my children more than my ex and we are very happy. Our family, which includeds 2 children from first marriage and 2 from current, is very happy and stable. They all see how our relationship works and that we love each other even though we might have problems. I can see the difference between my children and their friends from homes with bad relationships. It matters!
• United States
9 Nov 06
I'm happy that you got out of your unhappy marriage! and that you are currently happy with your family and marriage! I do agree with you that it does take a toll on the children! Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 06
I agree. Staying in an unhappy marriage can be difficult. We want our kid’s lives to be happy and full of joy, not misery! Good for you and all of us who got out of bad relationships.
@Riah50 (672)
• United States
9 Nov 06
Well I can only speak for myself. It didnt have a negative affect on me when my parents divorced. I knew..even at a young age..that it was for the best. I have never been angry about it. Our lives were much more peaceful after the split. Staying together for the kids is an excuse. If things are bad..I believe that will affect the kids way more then a divorce.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 06
I agree, that was my situation as a kid! my parents are divorced now, and I am happier now that they are happier and we are all out of the same house that was once known as the "hell hold"!!
• United States
29 Oct 06
I dont believe people should remain together because of their children. My parents arent together..thank god! The longer people stay together unhappy the worse it is for the children
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 06
I totally agree with you. You have to do what is best for you which in the long run will be the best for the kids!
@toonatoons (3739)
• Philippines
30 Oct 06
i think yes, especially if the parents abused one another, physically or verbally. some kids have psychological and social problems when they grow up; others don't have happy marriages as well.
• United States
9 Nov 06
I do think it has negative effects on children. I however think that it can be worse to have a child in a home with 2 parents who cannot stand each other. How is that healthy for them? I was in a bad marriage years ago, and although my son had difficulties at first he is coping well. I am now married and he sees a happy mom and step father. I think that is so much better than putting yourself and your child in a "loveless, miserable" situation. Also, you have to make an effort with your child’s father to have a amicable relationship. His father and I talk and get along just fine. We can even joke with each other. How much better is that?
• United States
9 Nov 06
Thats awesome! I totally agree with you, thank you soo much for your response!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 06
A lot.