Another story about the departed, but never really gone borders
By moodus
@moodus (118)
United States
December 2, 2007 12:27am CST
I started this discussion with the one about my friend not knowing how to say NO. Basically, when she took in these two people (one of which was the b/f of the woman she was helping, who, in my thinking, NEVER should have been here in the first place..but I digress)they were supposed to be here for maybe a couple of months..Well, as it turned out, they were here for about 6 months and even though they FINALLY moved out and into their own apartment, she apparently has it in her mind (AND b/c my friend cannot say no or, at the very least, "hey, you need to call and/or ask first b4 showing up and doing whatever")that it's okay to come over and use my friends washer and dryer to continue doing her laundry. Uh, I don't know about you guys, but don't you find it rude to just continue showing up with your laundry and using someone elses place and appliances just b/c you don't have any of your own??? How about, have they ever heard of using a laundromat????? This is all of my friends fault that any and all of this is still happening. She really does not know how to say no and she will continue to have this woman showing up, unannounced and using whatever it is that she needs at the time (b4 it was TV shows they wanted to watch along with doing laundry)and my friend will just let it go on and on...I personaly cannot stay around here while she keeps getting walked all over by two people who apparently feel she owes them something...I mean, come on...who out there has kept going to a place where you USED TO LIVE and using their facilities b/c you currently had none of your own?? Any thoughts??? I would enjoy hearing anything from you all....
2 responses
@mizrak07 (557)
• Philippines
2 Dec 07
Yes those two are very annoying I can almost call them "pests", but the main problem here is your friend. She lets them walk over her, or maybe she doesn't react because everything's alright with her? If not then I think you should help her voice herself out because it seems to me she has a weak personality. If she does not do it those two are not the only people who will take advantage of her.
@moodus (118)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Believe me, she has LOTS of people taking advantage of her...She has these two who, for whatever reason, she finds wonderful and redeeming qualities in them(I don't think so at all!!)and to have the woman continue just showing up, not calling first, asking to do anything, but just showing up..it's unbelievable! Pests??? I've had mosquitos less annoying then they are!! They will forever be here and I do not ever see her telling them not to do anything...She tells me that I get myself upset over things that I have control over(I am a guest in my g/f's home and am trying to leave again, but obviously have no voice in this I guess)and that none of this bothers her so I need to just let it go...Uh, how can I, or any other NORMAL human being let something go when it is wrong, disrespectful, rude, assuming, and just plain old BS??? She must enjoy being used and b/c it seems she's so lacking in friends AND the ability to make friends (she just has her "flock' from the churches she's a pastor for...no attachment must be easier for her I think)that she will continue to allow people like her "friends" (Amy and Jerry..mostly Amy) to walk all over her, use her for whatever she and they can and be fine with it...This situation will never change and I now know I HAVE to move out and get away in order to save my own sanity..How sad is that?
@fallenrain132321 (341)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Let me say from my own personal experience in this matter that your friend is going to have to eventually learn to put her foot down. I did the same thing and I am the same way, unable to say no. I helped someone out and let them live with me. Her and her children. I let it go for about a month. Let them come over and use my tv, computer, PS2, washer, dryer, etc. I finally had enough of it and blew up at this woman. Told her enough was enough but it took me long enough to do so. She needs to just tell them, hey look, I don't mind being friends with you but I can't do everything for you. There's the difference between helping someone who WANTS to be helped and those that expect handouts. I could understand every once in awhile if someone needs to use a washer and dryer because they are out of money, but not everyday and certainly not to come over and watch the tv. That's beyond ridiculous. I hope the very best for your friend and I hope she gets the gumption up to tell them to stop soon. Otherwise it will eventually break her down.
@moodus (118)
• United States
2 Dec 07
You know what...I don't think my g/f will EVER say anything to these people for the simple fact that she views them as her friends and obviously sees nothing wrong with them (mainly the woman) showing up unannounced, NOT asking to do laundry, but bringing here to do, taking over the living room (my g/f went to bed b/c she has to get up early on Sunday. She's a pastor of a church)and forcing me to go into the basement to watch TV b/c she was laying all over the sofa watching nothing in particular...If I were to have said anything (which I did..when I walked in, I told the woman to move her car b/c I could not get into my spot in the garage)then she'll take that back to my g/f and I'll end up hearing about it from her how I was rude to her friend...PUH-LEEEZE!!! Rude?? Who is more rude here? I mean, showing up, bringing laundry that could have and SHOULD HAVE been taken to the laundromat and then lounging around her living room and going until after 11pm last night waiting for her laundry to finish??? I think she was more rude than I was...Hell, I am ALWAYS aware of my g/f's space, her need for rest, her time and need to study (especially on Sat. night...uh, when this crude idiot barged in unannounced!)and I always make sure she has things done here when she's too busy to manage...When these two were here, this house was a complete disaster..I mean, clothes everywhere, coming in after my g/f and I had gone to bed, running bath water at 1 in the morning, having the room they were in looking like a bomb blew up in it...Oh, the list goes on and on and still, after all of that and after they literally USED her to max(never offering a penny towards the exta gas and electric they were using) she says, Oh, they were okay and when they leave, we'll just straighten this house back up...Oh god, this makes me nuts and it's wrong but I honestly believe it will NEVER change b/c my g/f will never say anything to them...EVER!
