Will you use the cane?
By whyaskq
@whyaskq (7523)
Singapore
December 6, 2007 7:10am CST
especially to discipline a child. There is this old saying "Spare the rot and spoil the child" especially when it involves parenting. I often heard my sister screaming at her kids 'You want the cane?' whenever the kids get naughty. Once, my little niece even cried at the mention of the cane. They have never been caned though. I have friends who used the cane on their kids.
Do you believe that the cane can help to discipline a child when his is naughty or mischievous? Do your parents use the cane on you when you were very young? Will you use the cane on your child if you are a parent?
Friends, this discussion is open to anyone, with or without kids, parents or not, even if you have not dealt with a kid :p Do share your views. Thank you ;)
4 people like this
13 responses
@mmiller26 (1930)
• Canada
6 Dec 07
My opinion is that using an object to strike a child is abusive and extensive use can lead to both physical and emotional damage. I would never use an object of any sort to strike my son. I've found that there are better ways of disciplining a child than using violence, and that by hitting your kids, all you teach them is that violence is an effective means to exert influence and get what they want. It doesn't teach them anything except fear and hatred.
I'm teaching my son about consequences, and how certain behaviors result in certain actions that he really doesn't like. And for us, that's effective. He's only 5, but he's already starting to use forethought and understands the concept of cause and effect. Good boys get to have treats, play with their friends, go to the park, etc. Naughty boys don't get to go out and have fun. At this age, the idea of losing the ability to play with his friends or have his favorite toys taken away is just huge to him.
You say that the kids have never been caned, but they fear the cane. What does that teach them? First, that they should live in fear of potential violence, and then as they grow up and realize that mommy doesn't follow through with her threats, that mommy doesn't have any credibility. All in all, the threat of that kind of punishment doesn't work in any fashion.
@mmiller26 (1930)
• Canada
6 Dec 07
It is the same concept. Remove the child from the situation that is causing problems. If you are at a store and the child starts having a tantrum, leave the store. I have friends who have left an entire cart full of items and just walked out of the store because their child was having a tantrum. The child needs to know that that type of behavior is unacceptable and you are not going to allow them to act that way in public. Early on, I made it clear to my son that I was not going to tolerate certain behaviors. If we were at a playdate and he started acting up, we would leave. I would simply take him away from his friends and the fun and we would go home. If we were at home and he started being naughty, I would warn him that he was behaving badly and give him a chance to stop. If he did not stop, then he would have to go sit in my room in my bed (where there are no toys) and sit there for about 5 minutes. Then I would come in and talk to him about it, and straighten him out. Eventually we developed the "one, two, three" method, which works wonderfully for us. If he is being naughty, I will say "one", and that is his warning that I don"t like what he is doing. If he continues, I say "two", and he stops. He has seen how I react when I get to three (make him leave his friends, go home away from the fun, lose his toys, etc--he understands that the punishment depends on the situation we are in and knows that no matter what I decide, it is not going to be fun for him) and he does not want that. So I never have to get to three anymore.
1 person likes this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
6 Dec 07
No! I would not and I do not! I live in the U.S. I don't know of anyone here who has ever used a cane to spank their kids. When I was a child, some people used paddles and some people used belts, but not a cane. I do not agree with using any of those things, that is obsessive, unnecessary force and it I believe it is cruel. Further more, spanking your children with belts, paddles, canes, etc. is now illegal in much of if not all of the U.S.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
6 Dec 07
I am not sure but I think it is in some states. In the state I currently live in, spanking is legal if it is done with nothing other than an open hand. Using implements to spank children, such as canes, belts, paddles, etc. was made illegal because it is deemed as child abuse, as well it should be! I personally do not believe that spanking of any sort, even with just an open hand, is necessary or a good sort of discipline. Hitting of any kind, spanking included, is violence and using violence to discipline a child only teaches violence.
2 people like this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
6 Dec 07
How else can people learn to be professional bullies?
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
7 Dec 07
I am a firm believer that spanking can be a very effective form of discipline and i have spanked both my kids (my son more than my daughter though) BUT never ever would I use a cane, shoe, belt, wooden spoon or any other object! I've never been a fan of that even though it was actually commonplace when I was growing up (the wooden spoon was the item of choice in my neighbourhood)...I just have serious issues with parents who would do that..a spanking with your hand is plenty enough
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
7 Dec 07
I was a child in the 1950's when the cane was still a legal punishment in school and yes I did get caned a couple of times, boy does it sting :-( The whole point of it was discipline and while it stung it was also a valuable lesson at the time. My parents were both quite strict and I would get a belt or a slipper across my legs if I had really deserved the punishment, but this is not a comment to say that using this punishment is correct and acceptable. Yes I was caned and if anything it has served as a reminder that I would never use this on my son.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
8 Dec 07
In the 70s the "strap" was a common thing in the schools in my area..also the ruler either across your bottom or knuckles depending on what your punishment was for..
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
14 Dec 07
yes i think i will.
in some countries, physical punishment is seen as violence and child abuse. i believe in spare the rod and spoil the child. some amount of physical discipline is necessary.
And I believe that so long as this is not done in anger it will achieve desired results. and of course it would be helpful to explain to the child why the parent is doing this, and assure the child that the parent still loves the child nonetheless.
1 person likes this
@pree70 (525)
• India
7 Dec 07
no. i definitly don't think that a kid needs a cane. it is sad that your niece responds that way even to the mention of a cane. it just shows how badly she must have got it from her mother...
naughtiness and indiscipline has to be dealt with patiently and with love. the parents need to spend quality time with their kids. that pays off in the long run.
after all, being naughty or mischevious is a way to grab attention. give them plenty of love and attention, and see the difference.
i have a 12 year old son, and i have not caned him till now. i am proud to state that he is extremely well behaved and balanced.
@Stiletto (4579)
•
6 Dec 07
I don't believe in hitting children but I realise some parents lack the skills to discipline their children any other way. As for using a cane, or any other implement, to strike a child I find that disgusting. Thankfully in most civilised societies it's not considered acceptable nowadays anyway, although there will always be a certain type of person that still think it's ok. I had a cane used on me a few times when I was at school until the day I pulled it out the teachers hand and threatened to give her a taste of her own medicine. So the cane wasn't an effective punishment on me anyway, not least because it didn't deter me from doing anything. It just made me even more rebellious. See the thing that I always think with all these types of punishments is - if they're so effective then surely a person would only ever have to do it once wouldn't they?
1 person likes this
@silvermoonmyst (943)
• United States
6 Dec 07
I would spank my child if he is misbehaving and dosent listen when i tell him to stop. But Never could i hit my child with something other then my hand! That seems so wrong to me. I was spanked with a belt and a paddle. It was hurtful an left marks. Im not interested in leaving marks on my Child. If he needs punishment, he will get it. With my hand and a time out. For the record he is 3 and very well behaved. He knows when to listen and when he can push his limits.
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
6 Dec 07
In an ideal world, I will not use the cane.
It's so barbaric, isn't it?
But we are all barbarians at heart, are we not?
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Dec 07
absolutely not. As parents,we need to set an example to our kids. Threatening to hit with a cane or else is not a good way to show your child how to get people to obey you. Hitting with a cane is abuse....plain and simple. Threatning with a cane has got to be considered abusive. A cane is a weapon. its just all wrong.
@menctomas (278)
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
i only believe in this saying "halfish." the spare the rod part. i will never use a cane, on my children. my opinion is that it is barbaric and violent and will leave marks on any kid not just phusically but mentally. but i never spoil my two boys. i really don't believe in that either. i see other kids these days that are spoiled rotten by their parents, you know, giving in on whatever they want even if they don't deserve it. and well, i see those kids being ungrateful and disrespectful to their parents. they are never contented or happy with whatever they have. i've spanked my children with an open hand once and on their bottoms. it was effective because the really bad deed that they did to get that spanking, well they never did it again.
1 person likes this
@tryxiness (4544)
• Philippines
6 Dec 07
I do not believe that kids learn to be "good" by using cane. Studies show that punishing them physically cause some psychological impact to them when the become adults.
1 person likes this
@lixiaoru (5)
• China
7 Dec 07
In the old days, In China the parents would use the cane on their kids when they were mischievous.In my memory ,my parents often use the cane on me when I was very young.I don't believe it can truely come into effect .which make me away from my parents.
so if I have a kid one day ,I am sure I won't use the cane on my child .
In fact, In my country ,more and more young parents adopt various new way to discipine their children ,which proves to be effective.
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