he always answers a question with a question

@babykay (2131)
Ireland
December 8, 2007 7:45am CST
My husband can be quite irritating. He has a bad habit. This is of always answering any question I ask him with a question. Even something such as "can you pass the salt" which is technically a question but really a request, he will say something like, have you not got enough. Or if I say, please can you turn off the light, he will say "why?" That is one of his favourite questions...why. If he is going someplace and I ask him to ask the person he is meeting something such as, how is his wife's health, he will come up with something. Its so wearing. He also has a habit of contradicting me (not that I mind being contradicted) but it has got to the stage now where I don't bother saying things to him as I don't have the energy to be constantly defending my position. Don't get me wrong, he is a good guy. Its just a habit he is in. But it is hard to live with.
3 people like this
7 responses
• Singapore
9 Dec 07
I think he is either too bored or trying to be intellectual. Or both. Why did you marry him if you did not like him this way? I think you just need to let him know that you are feeling tired and too much of a good thing can backfire too.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
9 Dec 07
hmmm what makes you think he is bored? Perhaps he needs different topics to talk about.
@spoiled311 (5500)
• Philippines
8 Dec 07
hi baby kay! i have similar incidents with friends and yeah, i agree that this is a very irritating habit. i am not sure why they do it, but there are people who like to pretend that they don't know anything or they present themselves as stupid even if they are not. and it is irritating, especially if i have to repeat instructions. well, you will have to live with your husband, so why not try talking to him about it. ask him why he is doing it, and if he is doing it intentionally. if he is, then ask him to stop. or ask him why he likes to do it, and gently present your requests to him. although it is a minor thing, it can be a root of bigger contentions later on. so nip it in the bud now, before it gets attached to bigger issues. God bless your marriage! :-)
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
9 Dec 07
ya God bless my marriage. Seriously, I hope he stops himself as I already said it to him today.
• Singapore
9 Dec 07
I think it's cool intellectual! :P
@talisman (1300)
• United States
9 Dec 07
Have you actually tried talking to him about this and letting him know how you feel? If not, you really should. If you're not able to communicate with your husband about this, then that's really something you two should start working on. Any good relationship has open communication between the people involved. If you can't communicate with the person you're with, it's not a healthy relationship to be in.
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
9 Dec 07
maybe we need to communicate more. Sometimes he don' t listen!
@reinydawn (11645)
• United States
9 Dec 07
My husband does something similar. I'll ask him a question and he'll "answer" with what he thinks I'm really trying to ask him, not just answer my question. For example, the other day I asked him if he was going to grab this one bag to take with us. His answer was "That's my visual display for our meeting". Well, as we were leaving I asked him why he didn't have that bag. He said he thought I had it. I told him that I thought "That's my visual display for our meeting" meant "Yes, I'll get it" not "No, can you grab it". I reminded him yet again that he has to answer the question I'm asking not the question he thinks I'm asking. It's so annoying. Sometimes I'll just ask him the question a hundred times until I get something that answers the question I'm asking. I'm constantly telling him to just answer my question. Hopefully one day it'll sink in.
• Saudi Arabia
8 Dec 07
Hi there, okey why don't you tell him that this is bothering you so much? I mean you would not mind if he answers you with a question if there's something that requires clarification but to simple requests like can you pass the salt or would you give me that towel i guess it would be pretty difficult. He is a good guy but he needs to be spoken to but gently. Just let him know that this thing is bothering you so much. And regarding he is contradicting with you over each and everything sometimes this thing happens between spouses and it is tiring. I guess you just have to explain to him that sometimes you are two people and you as two people just can't agree on everything, if you two started to accept this as a fact then conversation would go smoothly despite the different views. This thing happened to me in my marriage (from both sides) and I gotta tell you it isn't easy to deal with but with time both sides would reach a situation where they start to kind of accept others' views. I am not saying my problem is 100% solved but situation slightly improved, not easy. Good luck ... excuse typos if any
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
9 Dec 07
thanks for you advice deadraven. Perhaps I have exaggerated - its not like he always annoys me, just sometimes. I really need to talk to him, you are right.
@kurtbiewald (2625)
• United States
9 Dec 07
Why do you ask questions like that? Why do you want an answer? Do think it has something to do with the SOcratic method or something? Did they make him drink that hemlock because he drove everyone crazy?
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
9 Dec 07
gosh I hope you are not implying that I should keep quiet : )
@urbandekay (18278)
8 Dec 07
Really does he? all the best urban