What would you do if you do not agree with a loved ones wishes as to interment

@suspenseful (40312)
Canada
December 8, 2007 5:42pm CST
Supposing the burial or cremation was a practice that regarded you being kicked out of your church or temple, etc. if you did not follow the practice prescribed. Now supposing the practice of either cremation or burial was the rule of your religion and suppose your loved one requested the opposite, if you believed in cremation, he or she requested burial, but if your church belief in burial, your loved one requested cremation. Would you go against the teachings of the religion and do what your loved one wants. Or would you go against your loved one;s wishes and obey the teachings of your beliefs?
9 people like this
20 responses
@Mickie30 (2630)
9 Dec 07
A lot of people think just because I am a Christian that I am religious this is not true. I am spiritual, but I believe no matter what your religion it is what happens after that matters most. I personally cannot understand why you should be dictated to by your religion God gave us free will it is not for man to say what you can or cannot do that is wrong. You should do what your heart tells you to do. If your husband wanted requested a burial then this is what you should do, but only if it is what you want. If your friends and religious leaders cannot understand this you should ask yourself if this is really a religion of love or dictatorship. It is at the end of the day your choice and nobody elses apart from God's who you should pray to. If it feels right in your heart then maybe that is God telling you something.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Maybe I am confusing when I post. I believe in burial. I always have. I am not a spiritual person, I do not go blank eyed at the sky. I believe in God and I have faith, but I am a bit logical and logical people are not spiritual are they? My husband believes in cremation, he is into Harry Potter and beliefs in witches, although he would not admit it. I am more worried about if I kick off first and my husband cremates me against my wishes. But since I believe in burial, and I believe that it is right, and my husband wants to be cremated, what do I do?
1 person likes this
@Mickie30 (2630)
9 Dec 07
The most important thing you can do is to be honest if you don't want to be cremated then you need to talk with your husband and tell him. I am spiritual, but I don't go starry eyed looking at the sky but, I do believe in a creator who made us and loves us and one day I will return to Him for me I am not bothered about what happens to my body for others it is important. I hope you sort it out, but I would advise you talk to your husband honestly because honesty really is the best policy.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I told him I want to be buried, but I do not have enough money. I think once I find a plan, and make someone in charge in case at the time,my husband is senile at the time, I will not have to worry.
• United States
9 Dec 07
I'd do what I believed was right. I'd do what I'd have to do for me. If someone loves another person, than they should grant them the respect to accept their choices. I'd hope a person would make their choice based on what felt best to them, not what their church, religion, friends, or family expected of them. I'd expect my friends and family to accept my decision because they love ME. Everyone is different and everyone's beliefs are different, that isn't wrong, it's a choice and a lifestyle. I have many friends that believe in different things, but thats not what matters to me. What matters is that they are genuinely good people with good hearts and good friends. I'll support my friends and family in their decisions, because they are entitled to that. To me, if I requested someone change their values, beliefs, or lifestyle simply because it was different than my own... well, that would be selfish and ignorant. Stick with your beliefs, your views, your lifestyle. Follow your heart. It's not wrong to take the road less walked upon... it's individuality and we would all be in A LOT of trouble if everyone was the same.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
It would be different if I had believed in cremation and then I joined my church and they insisted on burial. You see I always believed that burial was the way to go but my husband had a bad experience with the church he went to, one he was forced to go, and the other well they were not as forgiving. I felt those two churches were man made, and believed that they had to push people towards God, so my husband is more inclined to believe in cremation because it is cheaper.
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15965)
• Palatka, Florida
9 Dec 07
I would talk to thenm about it first but if I thought it was better I would go with what I felt was best.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
My father, father-in=law, my mother, and my mother-in-law were all buried as were our relatives. This part about cremation seems to be a new thing and I think it has to be about being cheap, not for any belief in what is right. That is why I am against it.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
It really hurts me because I think it is because my husband is rebelling against the church. I know he never joined my church, but he was Mennonite and even if he did not believe that was the right way, there was always the Roman Catholic Church or other churches, and I am afraid with his reading Harry Potter that he is going to that magic. He did give our older son, the DeVinci Code one Christmas against my wishes, but luckily my son married a Roman Catholic girl.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
14 Dec 07
That is what concerns me. Luckily I have my son and daughter=in-law, and my younger son. My husband thinks he knows it all, so in this case, four against one is fair. I think my husband will change his mind, because I am a careful saver. I do not think he really wants cremation, it is just, you know, sounds romantic throwing ashes to the wind and some goof can knock over a urn, but dig in the ground without permission, arrest! As for the "Golden Compass" is silly with all those animal spirits or daemons. Scenerio" people in crowded room. "say your leopard spirit tripped me!?" "What do you mean, he tripped you. Your snake was crawling around slipping into me." "Will you stop arguing, those two guys and their lion daemons are blocking the door!" :)
@Sillychick (3279)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I would go with what my loved one wants, no doubt about it. Even if it was against the teachings of the religion that they belong to, it is up to the individual to decide what they want. It is not my place to make decisions for others- unless they did not specify what they want. If they went to the trouble to tell me, or put it in writing, it is obviously very important to them, so I would do as they wish.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
So getting it in writing would be a good idea.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Dec 07
Yes, get it in writing, have a lawyer or doctor hold a copy. Talk with family, make sure they know, maybe appoint one person to handle things, someone who is trusted to follow instructions, in spite of beliefs, and put that in writing too.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I will do that.
@drannhh (15237)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I would go with what my loved one wants even though it is not in accord with my beliefs, however my hubby tries to scare me into living longer than him by saying that he would not follow my wishes. He thinks that will make me outlive him. I guess, you know, really, there is no way to be sure of this sort of thing until it happens. Oh, well!
2 people like this
@kurtbiewald (2627)
• United States
9 Dec 07
hey, its her body I worry WAY MORE about what she does wit it while she is alive
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I would probably do what my husband wants, but I am more wary that he would not respect my wishes. It is easier cost wise to cremate, but asking someone to let you be buried is a bit harder.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
8 Dec 07
I am not at all religious, so the question would be easy for me, I would respect my loved one's wishes and if they wanted to be buried I would carry out their last wish, even tho' it was against my religion. Maybe it was religious I would have more problem in answering this question. I want to be cremated, because there will be no one left when I have gone to tend my grave. If I had a partner and they wanted to be buried and I wanted to be cremated again I would respect their wishes and hope they respected mine.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
My husband insists on cremation because it is cheaper and I want to be buried because I believe that is right, his brother also feels the same way, while my sister-in-law believes in burial like I do, so we are rather nervous that if we die before our husbands, well they will get out the matches.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I would diffently go by spouces wishing! As they know what they want also some might wish burial adn some cremation. With my hubby my son took some of his ashes back and buried them between his mom and dad for some of the family wanted that. Didnt have any thing to do withthe church at all just the wishes of haveing apart of him in the ground and I respected their wishes and a neice paid for it all. So see ya can do it both way . But I also think of the costs some cant afford buring for the cost id way way out there.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I want him in the ground, not scattered to the four winds.
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
10 Dec 07
Dont HAVE to scatter him keep him in the urn to be with you all time. What does he want.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
12 Dec 07
There is nothing wrong in being creamated! yup its chaep but then if you havent much Insurance to bury any one the cost can pay for the left over hospital bills. That can be a very hard ship on some one and why would ya want to spend $1,000 on a box that will soon turn to dust any how! Cost me $2000 to have mine creamated and a beautiful Cherry wood box I have on a shelf in the front room above the chair he used to sit in . and I will go in it too! When I pass/ Oh and there are ashes in it for there are some bone fragments that didnt burn. and this is the close as we can come to the Indian burial of being burnt on a wooden prye also we will always be together no matter where are ashes are . as he is right now standing at my side horaying me on to write this as I feel his hand on my shoulder like he always did.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Dec 07
Maybe it is better to respect the family wishes and the last wish of the departed. Cremation and burial is a religious disagreements among the family members. But to some, cremation is more practical because you save land which maybe of use for shelter to the homeless, fertilizer and other needs while burial takes extra care for the ones left behind, obligations of going to the graves bringing flowers, burning candles and praying. In reality religion of the departed prevails.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
I always thought people were more important. And when someone is buried, well you are honoring them, but cremation is just disposing of the body. My husband is not religious but his family was, and I believe theirs should be honored. Also I have to do what is right.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
12 Dec 07
He would not do that, but I would feel bad if I cremated him, it would not do honor to him. Besides if I cremated him, others would think it would be right to do that to me. It would be opening a can of worms.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
14 Dec 07
I can get that done. Most of our wishes are oral, and I have this fear if I write it out, then that would mean we would die sooner. It is sort of like that old superstition that if you care for someone who has cancer, you will get it yourself.
@eyewitness (1577)
• Netherlands
9 Dec 07
I would go against religion.If church decides that only burial is allowed then they are teaching wrong.If someone wants cremation i would accept his wishes.I think it's nonsense that a church would kick someone out of the church for a cremation.It's not their problem and they should back of someones private life. That's why i never tell things to my christian churhc friends because they never really support you but immediately tell me what to do which i think is nonsense. So if i not agree with church i listen to my heart and i think listening to your heaft has more value than a church.
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I was wondering why is cremation following your heart, yet burial is not? Burial is following my heart and that is what I want to happen to me. I see nothing romantic about scattering your ashes or storing the urn on your mantle. To me, bringing flowers and ribbons to the grave is more romantic and the only reason is that we live so far away from our relatives. My husband was to be cremated, but I think he does not want it for the right reasons.
@patgalca (16662)
• Orangeville, Ontario
14 Dec 07
I added a post back under my response. According to the Catholic Church, cremation is not wrong. Respect for the body is what is important. So no one will be kicked out of the church for cremating a loved one.
@Mickie30 (2630)
14 Dec 07
Acts 16:31 They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved you and your household." I think you need to keep praying and believing my prayers are with you. I also worry for my mum and dad. I can't imagine what it must be like for you with your husband not knowing God fortunately my husband is saved he helped bring me to salvation. I was into witch craft and spiritualism but, God brought me out of that and healed my heart. God is a God of miracles He can bring your husband out of this too.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
Thank you. It is hard to see what he considered not harmful. At least now he is reading Louis L'Amour and his stories do have redeeming values, but he does not do as much. I wish he would listen to good books with the same intensity as he did to Harry Potter.
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
11 Dec 07
I would go along with the loved one's wishes as to burial. You live once and hopefully die once in your lifetime so the dying person's wishes should be met instead of going against them.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
Buried is better. It makes it easier to find the body and supposing that my husband went out to see a so-called friend, and that friend murdered him and made it look like a heart attack, if I cremated him, no one would know he was murdered. So there is a practical reason for burial.
@ersmommy1 (12595)
• United States
11 Dec 07
Whether I agree or not wouldn't matter. If I want people to respect my wishes after I pass, I set the example and follow their wishes. It is their last wish, after all. And it would bring them some measure of peace I believe. Disagreements over beliefs is a problem planet wide for humans. If it's a loved one, someone who cared for you and you cared for even more important to put aside own wishes. Not about you. It's their last resting place. Where they would find most peace.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
I do not want my husband to be forced into a decision because of finances or because it is so called romantic. I want to be able to know he is laid to rest there, not go searching for his remains.
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
10 Dec 07
Wait, do you mean if my spouse/partner asked for what my religion was against for himself? Or that he wanted it for me?? Even if I was a member of a strict organized religion, its not up to me to decide how my spouse is laid to rest and more than that its certainly not up to my religion...Whatever he has in his will is what would be done regardless of whether or not my church etc cared for it..and visa versa, whatever is in my will is what will be obeyed...
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
He has not made a will yet, and right now he is for cremation because it is cheap. I am sure when the time comes he will want to be buried.
@mamasan34 (6520)
• United States
10 Dec 07
In a situation like this, I don't think religious beliefs would come into play on the interment of a person. If their request was to be buried, then they should be buried. If their request was to be cremated then they should be cremated. I would obey the wishes of the deceased. It is what they wanted and it should be honored regardless of what your or anyone else's beliefs are.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
Trouble I do not believe my husband really wants to be cremated. He does not understand what it entails, and that the body does go into a coffin. Also as for cost, one can make a cheap coffin and avoid embalming. It is not as if we are in Hong Kong or some place crowded and the only reason would be the cost. I am sure that he will change his mind when the time comes. It is just that he is taken with the romance of throwing ashes in the wind and the cost matter. It is just as silly as me wanting my body to be transported to Vancouver and buried alongside my mother and father, just a romantic dream.
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I would follow what my loved one wanted as it is their body and their right to choose what happens to it once they've gone. My mother wants cremation and to have her ashes scattered in the ocean and I would prefer a more traditional burial so that I have a place to visit and mourn. However, her wishes are her wishes and knowing that it would make her happy makes me want to go ahead with her plans when the time comes.
@Stiletto (4582)
9 Dec 07
I don't have any religious beliefs so this is easy for me in the respect that I would do whatever my loved ones wishes were - burial, cremation or whatever. I think even if I did have religious beliefs though I would still feel a sense of obligation to the person that would override my own personal beliefs but that's hypothetical of course. Personally I want to be cremated, I've always hated the idea of burial.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I always wanted to be buried. I hate the idea of burning, I mean that happens to bad people in hell. And even though God does not need help, it would be easy for when the Second Coming comes, for those who saw me buried to recognize me, well may be not. I will have brown hair instead of platinum blond, and be much slimmer. :)
1 person likes this
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
9 Dec 07
I'm also not religious, but going with the hyperthetical: I would do as my loved one wished, as I would hope my loved ones would do for me. Religion should be about your own belief and love for your God/Gods etc, and not simply following a bunch of rules blindly. For a church to "kick you out" for a such a thing seems to be an abomination in itself. But that's just my opinion. I couldn't go against my love's wishes or change them on their behalf. Even if they wanted something illegal done with their ashes, such as sprinkling into the ocean, I would still do it. That's just me. =)
• United States
9 Dec 07
If a loved one wanted the total opposite of my religion I would still obey their wishes. I couldn't live with myself if I did the opposite of their final wish.It means more to me that they are put to rest the way they want than I obey my religious beliefs. This easy for me to answer because I am not the same religion of my loved ones . So what they believe is totally different than what I believe. And even if their final request was against their religion, I would still obey their wishes.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I would go with my husband's final wishes, but since burial costs more, I will make sure there is a plan just in case.
1 person likes this
@haisky (64)
• China
14 Dec 07
As for me I think I will choose cremation because in China burial is forbidden by goverment.