liers

@lorelai (1558)
Italy
December 9, 2007 5:16am CST
I have a friend who is a pathological lier. She lies about such small things that that's incredible and she also lies about stuff she doesn't really need to lie. Like sometimes when we see each other she tells me she's going to cinema later (even if I don't ask her where she goes) and she actually goes home, and when she says she is going home she never goes home. Then sometimes she says she bought a jacket for 100E and she really paid 200E for it. I find that stupid because I don't care where she goes and how much she pays for stuff. I mean if I was her mother I'd care but I'm just a friend I don't care. Or sometimes she tells me she is going to talk to some professor at the university because she has some problems and she tells me the exact date and hour and after a while I find out she went to the shopping center and didn't even go to talk to the professor. I hate that! I mean I don't care if she goes or not and I wouldn't even ask her if she went or not and I really don't know why she feels she needs to lay to me. I talked to some other friends and they all told me she does the same with them too. I understand when she lies to her mother about stuff like failing the exam (sometimes she tells her mother she passed the exam and she actually didn't) I don't like that, that what she is doing, but I understand her because we all lie to our parents but I don't understand why she needs to lie to us, her friends. She lies about really not important things like books that she is reading and she is actually not or about where she was yesterday or something like that. All these thing are really unnecessary because we never ask her what she reads or where was she yesterday and if we do we never judge her if she says she went shopping and it would be better for her to stay at home and study. Sometimes I feel the URGE to just tell her Stop lying I don't care! But I think that would hurt her so I keep listening to her lies. What would you do? Do you know anyone who lies like that? I don't like to lie because then I have to keep track of what I said to who and it gets really complicated so I don't understand someone who lies for fun or just because she doesn't feel like telling the truth. Do you lie? I lie very rarely and just when I really have to. Sometimes I prefer saying nothing than lying so why would someone want to lie when she is not even asked to say anything?
6 people like this
18 responses
9 Dec 07
Seems like your friend is a born lier but little does she know that you and her mother see straight through those lies. If I were her friend I would tell her to stop lying. I feel like listening to her lies is feeding into her illness and its not helping her ; it's like a snow ball effect that only gets bigger as it rolls along. One day she's going to tell the right person a lie and she will get her feeling crushed. So to hear it from you or her mother would be in a more settled manner - just ask her to stop lying and explain why it would be the right thing to do.
3 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
Sometimes I just try to ask her stuff about her lies to make her realize I caught her in it but I think she doesn't care for it. I mean, she keeps lying.
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
9 Dec 07
I have a couple of friends that do this, I just can't understand why they bother, they often catch themselves out but i just don't say anything as much as I feel i would like to, too much hard worj I reckon...
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
Thanks for your reply, it's goo to that I am not the only one.
2 people like this
@jory21 (2)
9 Dec 07
I knew someone exactly like this. I think your friend is mainly trying to impress rather than hurt anyone. It seems to me that your friend is very insecure about herself and needs to lie about things in order to feel better or more secure about herself.
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
I know and I told her a million times that she can be honest with me because sooner or later I find out everything but then she just doesn't lie for a couple of days and then go es back to the old behavior.
• United States
9 Dec 07
I had a friend like that, needless to say we are no longer friends. I dont have the patience or time for people who lie even if it is a illness and maybe they cant help it.
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
IO understand what you want to say. I agree that it's an illness. I would like to help but I don't think it's possible.
1 person likes this
@angelface23 (2497)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I had a friend like that. She would lie about big and small stuff. One time she told this guy she was dating that she needed a kidney transplant. It's like WTF are you talking about. She was always saying how she was going back to school but she never really was. She'll also lie to impress a guy. Doesn't make sense to me either why people feel the need to lie to feel important or try to impress someone.
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
I can't understand those people I mean how can some lie about transplant, I mean about illness? I think that people shouldn't play around with faith.
1 person likes this
@alamode (3073)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I would tell her just that... she lies because she feels the need to impress, or control. If she is aware that you know what she's doing, it may make her think. You don't have to be angry or yell... just let her know that the most important part of friendship to you is honesty, and that if you can't trust your friends to tell the truth, then you won't be with them any more. You will be doing her a favor... this will catch up to her some day, and can do her some real damage. It seems that it may be up to you to be the better friend!
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
The thing is that she knows that I know what she is doing because I usually catch her in the lie and she knows that I do but she doesn't feel bad about it. Like the last time she had to go to talk to the professor at the end she gave herself away and said she was somewhere else at the time she was supposed to go to talk to the professor so I asked her if that means she didn't go after all and she said that she did. I insisted that she didn't and she insisted she did so there's no point in arguing. I think that she is aware of the fact that we know she lies but she thinks that we are too stupid to understand it because she is much more cleaver (at least she thinks she is) then us. So that way she lies herself too, she knows we know she lies but she lies herself that we don't. I think she is just addicted to lying.
1 person likes this
@zichen3 (134)
• China
10 Dec 07
Don't go frantic for the minor matter! Why are you angry? Before being angry,think which are really the situation worthy to be angry!For example:maltreat children,the people and suffer hungry bittness,war... Turn anger to things worth to be angery!
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
10 Dec 07
I am not angry, I got used to it unfortunately and I just don't believe her any more. I just wanted to share this with someone to see if someone has any good advice and I thank all my friends for responding and trying to help me.
@zichen3 (134)
• China
11 Dec 07
Let it go.I think the honest is important between two close friends.If she still lie to you,she is not worth to associate.Maybe this suggestion is too serious, if I offend you, I'm sorry.
@makatas (1101)
• Greece
9 Dec 07
This is a pathological health problem. And it should be addressed as a problem, not just an irritating little habit of hers. I would attempt to discuss it with her and tell her it is so annoying and that she is risking a friendship just because she is lying for no reason. Then i would advise to reach for a solution, or i would support her anyway i could.Given the chance that she wouldnt like to seek for medical advice, i dont know, probably i would quit our friendship.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
Thanks for your response.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
9 Dec 07
I know a person who lies about the things in her life, she seems to want to make herself seem important in other people's eyes. She lies about her educational qualifications, her travels, her weight, her size...that she gets asked out by guys. I think this is because she is very insecure and that its better for her in terms of making herself interesting to other people if she embellishes her life. But it sounds like your friend might have really strict parents and was used to having to account for herself at all times so she does this out of habit to her friends. She also sounds insecure, like most consistent liars. Cut her some slack. Maybe gently point if out to her next time she is telling obvious lies. But I agree it is annoying!
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
I think she has great great parents who believed every word she said. Now when they caught her in a very big lie about 6 months ago they started checking her and her moves but before they were normal parents. And she also treats her parents very badly, like they were stupid and she was the most clever person in the world.They give her some 700$ per month and she still steels from them or takes many and says she needed it for the University and she buys shoes or something like that. I didn't even remember that but yes OMG she does that too.And she thinks that's ok and sometimes she brags about it. When I started this discussion I wasn't going to say bad stuff about her but this post turned into something I didn't want it too be so I will just stop writing.At the beginning I only wanted to tell this to someone because I needed to share this with someome. I don't wanna tell bad stuff about her. I just wanted to ask you people how do you deal with liars.
@barehugs (8985)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Why? For God's sake! Would you call this person a Friend? The world is filled with people who would sooner die than tell a lie. It' been said,"No one has a good enough memory to make a good liar!" It must be a HooT to have such a (so called) friend. You could never know for sure where she had been, or where she was coming from! I'd throw up my Hands and move to another World!
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
Thanks. its not that we are best friends or something, I tried to help her and to become someone she can lean on but she doesn't want that. I go to university with that person and we listen to most of the classes together so I have to see her every day but I would never count on her or expect something from her.
@yanxchick (252)
• United States
9 Dec 07
I know someone who is like this and it's the most annoying thing in the world because you never know what they say is true. They could tell me the sky is blue and I will have to go outside and check it out myself because they have lied too many times for me to believe them. I don't get the need for it. I find myself having a hard time lying, but I guess once you get used to it, it becomse easy. Have I lied? Sure. I am not going to pretend that I am perfect in this regard, but I'm just a bad liar so I don't even try anymore. I also feel like if you do something that you need to lie about than you shouldn't be doing it. I don't want to keep skeletons in my closet, I don't ever want to regret anything, so I just do things I wouldn't need to lie about.
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
I agree with you, I hate lying and when I did something that I feel like I have to lie about I feel horrible and I am always scared that someone will catch me in that lie. So why should I do that to myself?
• United States
9 Dec 07
I also had a friend that was like this. One of her relatives told me that she "couldnt help it." I mean she even lied about the dumbest things. I would catch her in a lie and then she would make another lie to cover up that one. I wont say i havent lied before. But i only try to do it if i think it will hurt someone else. Im not sure why your friend does it but maybe you should say something to her. Just try to be understand with her if/when you decide to talk to her. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
thanks for your advice, I think that my friend can't help it either. I hate when she lies about lying but she does that. I told her there's no point in lying to me because we know the same people and we live in the same town so it's like everybody knows everything, but she doesn't wanna listen. And the worst thing is that I don't care about her lies I mean I don't care if she goes to the library or to the beach! About a year ago I told her that from now there won't be any more lies between us because we all need to have someone to count on and I wanted to be that person for her but she obviously doesn't want that.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
9 Dec 07
By listening to her lies you are compromising what you believe to be right and wrong and if you continue to allow her to lie to you then you are just encouraging her behavior. You should just call her on it when you know she is lying and tell her that friends don't lie to each other. I'd tell her that people are talking about how much she lies and she isn't fooling anyone. Then I would tell her that I would rather be friends with who she really is as a person and not who she is trying to pretend to be. Yes, it will hurt her feelings but it might open her eyes too. And if she doesn't want to be friends after you tell her the truth then let her go lie to someone else and save yourself the frustration.
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
9 Dec 07
Today I talked to her and she told me she has been somewhere I knew she hasn't been there and I told her so. She was just looking at me smiling and blushing and tried to change the subject. I don't bother any more it's not like we are the best friends or something. Its not that I encourage her behavior I don't and she knows I don't because sometimes she laughs when she tells me what she said to her mother and that it wasn't true. I told her it was wrong but she thinks she is right.
1 person likes this
• China
10 Dec 07
nuthin2say bout u dull friend cuz i als0 dnt like people like dat n i rlly dnt undrstand why they lie dat often n unreanonably...maybe lyin iz jus their habit n they do it even without any conscious by themslvz...however,i jus dispite it n think of em as crazy dullheadz! PS:pity u 4 u hv such a lier friend...
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18452)
• India
10 Dec 07
i have also found out that there are few people who says lies for nothing at all. i had once a friend like this. he used to tell so much lies taht i got fed up with him.It is the habit they have grown from childhood as I think.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Dec 07
Wow! That's an interesting friend, that perhaps I don't want to be with either. It has always been my belief that 'Honesty is the best policy' like you said if you lie, it gets complicated of tracking down what you said. It's not only the tracking, but it's also the thought that if I did lie to someone, I know that I don't want to be lied to. 'White' lies occassionally happen when needed like not entirely telling the truth, but only when necessary. No one is perfect so people will tend to do this if they don't want to entirely tell a lie or 'hide' something from someone. I would say that it is also the upbringing of your friend that can be a direct result to why she behaves this way. It may be a matter of 'trust' within the family that she may not be contented of receiving. Perhaps at home, family members would ask her questions that may seem doubtful which make her tell a lie. One other thought would be, your friend probably ends up lying to you because she wants to be accepted and she's not doing a great job by doing it like this. ACCEPTANCE is probably what she is longing for and this is not happening for her. Maybe it's just right for you to tell her the 'TRUTH' so she realizes that if she continues doing this, no one will ever believe her. Just like with one of my discussions, remind her of the boy that cried wolf. If it's a habit that she can't break, you can probably help her by being frank and ask her again, if what she declares she'll do is what she is intending to do so. Otherwise, you can also be honest by telling her that you don't want to be lied at.
1 person likes this
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
10 Dec 07
hmmmmmmmmmmm people who lie to you are probly lying to themselves too you can't trust em good friendships and relationships of any kind are built on trust, lasting worthwhile ones anyway she probly doesn't even know what is or isn't true anymore so she can't figure out what she wants either just guessing
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 07
I relate 100% with this. People don't lie it doesn't make you cool. Always keep your head up
1 person likes this