Defiance or Anxiety?

It does seem that those of us who know sometimes dont take our own advise. Good luck and hope you can relax for a while.

So very true!!

Thank you for your suggestions. I am a respite worker myself so I know there is help out there however I've never tapped into it. I feel like I shouldn't have to need it since I'm the one that provides help to others! Weird thinking I know! It's so much harder with our own children than with other severily more disabled children! My husband really thinks she just does all of this out of defiance. Sometimes I lean towards defiance and other times Anxiety. Since schools were closed yesterday due to our snow storm, I did manage to get her in the bath during daylight which is a big help.

That's great that you've found away around it. There is nothing wrong with letting your child bathe while there is still light out. And if it works, go with it! :-)

Since I've written this post, she's had quite a few baths without trouble. Some days she's fine, some days she's not. I have noticed though that we have less of a hard time if it's still daylight! So now I don't bother asking her to bath after dark! I've noticed a big pattern in her behaviours over the last 9 years and the winter is always the worse. Winter also has less daylight so I think I might be on to something! Tub crayons worked great except I used icing colouring, not food colouring and I put WAY too much which is causing tinting problem. Lesson learned!

Thank you for your support and story. I know my daughter has separation issues as well. She can't go to birthday parties alone however she can play outside for hours without us nearby. Quite Odd. Doctors wanted to put my daughter on meds before an official diagnosis. I'll tell you the truth though, there is no official test. If the meds work GREAT there's the diagnosis. I told them not to bother. I want all the other testing done first.

Finding out why she's so terrified is difficult because I don't think she knows herself. Many times I've wondered if she's making this whole thing up because she'll tell me big black bugs are coming out of the drain or a hideous monster is watching her. She's afraid to flush in case there might be a 'sewer monster'. The funny thing is... I've always had difficulties getting her to bathe but these stories she comes up with started when we moved to our new home in the country back in August. There hasn't been any kind of water trauma in her life (that I'm aware of) however I did leave her very abusive father when she was just a little baby. I can totally relate to your PTSD and loud noises. I know I'm being stubborn myself for not wanting to stay in the bathroom with her. Last night for example I told her I had groceries to put away and I sauce I needed to throw in the freezer, deal with the kitchen. She panicked... the kitchen is too far from the bathroom. So I promised her I would do it all really fast, have daddy help me and then I would sit in the livingroom which is just down the stairs. She said OK. I ran the water (something she refuses to do herself) and left the room. About 5 minutes later she came down panicking because I wasn't on the couch however I was on my way!! She said OK and went back upstairs. I played around on the laptop for a bit while I waited for her. She came down one more time and I told her if she would hurry she could sleep on the couch next to me and watch me play a game (hubby and I wanted to play Empire Earth once she was in bed) She was excited about that but about 15 minutes later she came down with her slew of sleeping buddies and in her pjs cuddled up next to me on the couch and started crying... Mommy I don't know why I'm like this. I just can't do it!! She didn't bathe, again... So a part of me feels like it's my fault. I should just stay in the bathroom with her but then another part of me feels that I can't have her control all of us all the time and she must learn to do this on her own. The funny thing is if someone else was asking for advice, I'd tell them to stay in the bathroom and gradually teach her it's OK! LOL I believe I have a recipe somewhere for bath markers... I'm off to find it!

That's a great idea. My sister had suggested bath markers and I forgot!! Guess I know what I'll be putting in her stocking now! LOL Thanks for the reminder! She loves going in the bath with her bathing suit and she has tons of bath toys. She also has this fixation with her pillows and teddies. She must carry them EVERY WHERE. And when I say pillows, I mean two regular pillows, two throw cushions and a decorative pillow. Then she has her KIKI (baby blanket), another purple blanket and normally she carries her comforter as well around the house. Then the teddies!!! There are at least three she can't leave the house without but around the house! OH MY... her 'family' consists of about 40 teddies and dolls however she'll only carry about 12 around the house, including the bathroom :) Obviously there's some clinging issues/separation anxiety there I should be bringing up with the psych huh?

I've known since day one this child was different. I went into labour four times... three preterm labours and then finally induced past my due date. Stubborn huh? lol Then came the constant crying, the fits, the hitting, the smashing, the etc!! No one would babysit this 'demon' child (as she was sadly refered to) Then at the age of 3 she decided she was running away from home. Yeah try running after a kid who decides there are no boundaries to run, not even a traffic filled road. I've had my share of ups and downs with this one! Bathtime is just another curveball which is why I tend to lean towards defiance rather than anxiety. Yesterday, I told her she needed to bathe before dance and I didn't even break a sweat! It was a beautiful moment! lol