Maybe my wife hates me.....because I can't be perfect for her.

Philippines
December 19, 2007 1:47am CST
I need some advice, hopefully some of you are willing to help me and thank you in advance for listening. O.k. so my wife is mad at me for lying to her. I lied to her so that I could surprise her. I ended up hiding some money from her and told her I spent the money on things for the house that kind of thing. Well, she didn't accept that, or my apology or explanation to her about everything. I left that night and am contemplating on leaving for good. It seems that I can't ever please her with all that I do or everything I try to do for her. I don't know why that is. We have one child together, and of course, I will support the child and see her when I can. I just can't be that perfect person for her. When she gets mad, she hold onto it so tight that she focuses all her energy on it and nothing else. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think my brain or body can take anymore of this. Maybe leaving once and for all would be a good thing, any suggestions?
6 people like this
17 responses
@subha12 (18449)
• India
19 Dec 07
Look after reading your discussion it seems you are fed up with her.But you can give it a try. you can have a right chat with her and try to ease out the problems with her. If it is continuing for long, then i don't think there is much you can do.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
21 Dec 07
Hi subha. Go back and read again the first post then the OP's responses. It's not him that's fed up...he keeps trying and she shoots him down. It's her that's fed up with him. She sounds miserable and so she is trying to make him suffer. She is blaming him for all that is wrong in her life. She is trying to push him away. The silly woman needs to wake uop and see she has a good man and he is the father of her child. She sounds like she feels trapped to me. We don't know the whole story but I bet there's more to it. These two don't love each other. It's very sad but the sooner they face that they are miserable together the better chance they have of finding happiness and the most important thing is for people to be happy, then they can each shower love on their child and treat each other with kindness and respect.
• Philippines
19 Dec 07
hi! i dont think leaving your family is a wise decision especially that you got a child. the one who will suffer is your child, i've experienced it since my parents are separated. my husband is somewhat similar to your wife whenever i do something bad against him he keeps it and it takes days before he could get over it. and sometimes even if we fight of some different thing, that bad thing i did he would still brought up. have more patient with her, she wouldn't marry you if she doesnt love you. probably never lie again to her. or maybe to make it up to her just be sweet, cuddle her or do something that you remember she love you like doing for her.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Dec 07
Thanks for your advice, *hiswill*, actually, the marriage is more of a mutual agreement. I got her pregnant and wanted the baby to have my last name. Well we ended up getting married. At that time I didn't know that we didn't have to be married for the baby to have my last name! Over the years, I have grown accustomed to putting her before me and I feel like I'm burned out everytime she gets mad. I lied to surprise her, she doesn't understand that. The situation feels like it's worsening and never getting better. She told me it's better for me to leave so that she doesn't have to remember me. I can do everything right and then do 1 thing wrong and it's all over. *sigh, thanks for your advice.
1 person likes this
@mcjustin (82)
• United States
19 Dec 07
First of all, I empathize with you! Secondly, this probably isn't the best forum for this kind of issue. Having said that, it sounds like your wife has some kind of trust issue with you, something from your past together, or perhaps something in her past. Either way, this is a situation that you guys have got to try and work through. If for no other reason, do it for your child! Those of us mylotters responding to your situation do so, I hope, with your best interests at heart. But lets face it, you guys need a professional. Good luck to you both.
1 person likes this
@bishu_sinha (1459)
• India
19 Dec 07
Try and help her out of the crisis. How can a person who is struggling himself help or motivate someone else? Be fair. You can not cheat your wife, you should continue your love now.
• United States
19 Dec 07
Whatever you were getting for her won't make it okay? If not, then it sounds like you are both miserable together so you should leave befor it gets any worst. And as long as the child knows the break up isn't his/her fault and he/she knows that both of you love him/her the child should be okay. If you leave make sure you support the child financially and emotionally.I mean paying child support and that you get a good lawyer that will make sure you get the visitation set in stone.I am sorry that it looks like this marriage is at an end but it will be better for everyone if you part and are happy than stay and be miserable.Good Luck and Take care.
1 person likes this
• China
20 Dec 07
hello,gigaclix.i am sorry to hear that.i think everything all have two kinds.why not you looking her from aother ways.thinking about her strong point,or leave her a part time.it's my suggestion.hoping can help you.Good luck in your life,and merry chrismas.
• Philippines
21 Dec 07
O.k., so it was a long and hard battle, but I decided to stick it out. We talked to each other and instead of doing things the way we always do, we decided to try it a little different this time. Although I left the house for a day, it has given me time to think about everything and I guess that's what I needed. Thank you all for your advice and caring. If only the world could be more compassionate like you guys, it would be a beautiful world to live in. By the way, from now on I will post only happy topics!! I'm just happy I got to see my beautiful daughter again!! Advanced Merry Christmas to you all and Have a wonderful New Years my fellow Mylotters. Take care.
• Philippines
21 Dec 07
I think you just need to sit down and talk. Make some conversation for the two of you. About your feelings, heartaches or any other things that concerns you. I think it is not that easy to destroy marriage but if you can not really take it all then you have to think a lot of times if you are really willing to end your marriage and let your child grow in a broken family.
@jam14zen (149)
• United States
20 Dec 07
When you decided to marry a woman that expected you to be perfect all the time...you made your choice. Did she deceive you while you were engaged? Could you not tell she was a psycho, nagging, unreasonable lady? Did you get married right away and not learn anything about your lifelong mate before taking vows? Good luck to your kid, they are always the true victims of broken marriages.
@agfarm (930)
• United States
20 Dec 07
It is my experience , that when someone is angry w/ me ...it is because I am focusing on the wrong things. I am emitting a negative energy ; therefore , my results will also be negative. ( In other words ) " Your thoughts are your reality " I would work on Changing my thoughts and my approach to correct any negative situation.
@2btrueinu (703)
• Philippines
20 Dec 07
You have difficult time with your wife that is what your insisting but did you do lie to her many times for her to became that angry with you. Maybe she thinks that your cheating with her. Did you talk to her in a peacefull way not raising both of your voices. I was so afraid about your child she is the main victim of what you both did. And your telling us you marry your wife coz she is carrying your child and you want to give your name ohh... do you think it's a reason for just giving your name. so your trying to say that you don't love your wife then. I know if you marry, you marry the person you love and not compromising. Please think for it many time consider all the person that will be hurt for your decission. You marry her try to fix the problem I think you have other reasen a side. `
• United States
20 Dec 07
I can understand why your wife would have been mad at first when she found out that you had been lying to her. But after she found out the real reason you lied to her she shouldnt have been upset with you anymore. I dont think that you should just run off and not come back. You should at least try talking to your wife again. Maybe the two of you could go to counseling together. Has your wife always been like this? If not maybe theres something else bothering her. By the way i think it was very sweet of you to plan a surprise for your wife. I hope it all works out for you, good luck!
@sugarfloss (2140)
• Malaysia
19 Dec 07
Oh no,are you alright gigaclix2007?I'm sorry that you had to leave the house and your family.But I do really think you should talk to your wife before making decisions you'll regret in the future.Your wife should at least listen to what you have to say.If she doesn't listen to you,who does she listen to or talk to when she needs a shoulder to cry on?
@mcjeannie (704)
• Philippines
19 Dec 07
I am sorry that your marriage seems be be on the rock.You mentioned that it seems you cannot please your wife...I'd just like to ask if before you married her did you both have an effort to really know each other well? Your likes, dislikes, strength, weaknesses, value system etc.You see, a partner can never get mad for surprises done unless you don't actually know that such might displeased her.In short, your lie is a white lie anyway? So why can't she not accept your explanation. I followed some threads of your discussion and you mentioned in your comment that you only married her for your child's sake, and now being with her from the tone of your explanation here you seem to be regretting your decision.Well marriage is not like a food, that if it get stale you could just throw it up!I encourage you to have a heart to heart talk.This way, a two way communication would enhance knowing each other well and develop a deeper trust with each other. That could only be done if both are willing to make an effort.And if such is still not possible and she won't listen at least be frank to her what you feel about the situation and seek professional help.If all help had exhausted, then I'd say that's the end of it!"CAPUT"! You cannot keep on blaming yourself over and over for past situation you both have. Especially you, on your last words that your brain and body cannot take it anymore, you sound like a victim of a one way relationship.I am sorry to say it but it will cause your health in the end.Just a reminder, How good it is that you try to love someone and deep down inside you, you are left with nothing? That would definitely cause you to loss self respect and a battered self esteem. Goodluck!
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
19 Dec 07
Well, after reading what you wrote here and the reply to the person that responded earlier. It sounds like she's pushing you away on purpose. All honesty, maybe a divorce is the right thing to do. Maybe start out with a seperation, that way you have plenty of time to get everything straighten up. I would first sit her down and ask her direct why are you being such a bi*ch towards you. Ask her why is her panties in a wad all because you wanted to surprise her. How long have you 2 been married? Is she holding a grudge against you because your the one that got her pregnant, Did she want to keep the baby? These are important questions that need to be answered. If the answer is Yes, she blames you for everything, it's time to throw your hands in the air and walk away before things gets worse. If your both not happy, the child will feel this, and it will screw him/her up really bad. Good Luck with this situation, by the way, there are a lot of wives out there that wishes there husbands was like you. Heck even single women that would love to have a man like you in there lives to swift them up off there feet.
@karilyn (40)
• Philippines
19 Dec 07
am so sorry about your situation. But how I wish that you didn't leave the house..you take your time on explaining to her coz I know from time to time she would believe you. The way you're making that you leave the house just makes it more worst . It really makes your wife to really believe that you're really fooling around. With just little thing you now get to decide to leave with your own......
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
19 Dec 07
okay- i was tempted to let this discussion go by,. but i have to add to this one. first off lying never gets you anywhere,, for the good of bad. I cannot think of one lie that has ever benefited me. its just not right. it always comes back to bite you in the butt. If you do not want to tell the truth, instead of lying, just say nothing. that way you don't have to remember what you lied about in the first place and it keeps you out of trouble.. these are really good words of wisdom, and everyone who reads this will admit this fact to be true!
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
19 Dec 07
Sounds like a trust issue on her end. Unlike others, I'm more inclined to think there were some serious past events and issues in your relationship. On one hand maybe you aren't seeing it from her perspective and her seriousness of money, the household, things of that nature. On the other hand, she could be very doubting of you, very strict, and incredibly hard to please. Of course without her side of the story, I can only ascertain so much of the situation. Still, I'm willing to give you some benefit of the doubt based on other stories similar to yours. As for your marriage and your family, you should give that more of a try. Know this though, if it is a major strain and if its unsalvagable...you may have to end the relationship. You can still do what you can for your child though (provided no alienation occurs), and I hope you do own up to your claim in that matter. Good luck with your situation Giga.