How to Make Friends Offline - What do you do?

@dmillman (2273)
United States
December 19, 2007 11:38am CST
Hello all! I've decided that part of my problem is my lack of friends, so I'd like some ideas from all of you on the best way to make friends, offline, especially where I can't drive at the moment. Does anyone have any good ideas? A few weeks ago I OD'd on Ambien and almost died, which is what I was aiming for. This past Friday, I was close to OD'ing on something else, but didn't do it. I don't want to feel this way. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that most of my close friends have moved far away. For a while, I seemed to have many myLot friends, but that doesn't seem to be true anymore. This is a cry for help that I hope someone will answer for me. Thank you in advance!
7 people like this
12 responses
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
19 Dec 07
I have not seen much of you here on this site. The landscape has changed and many people have come and gone. I have always had trouble myself making friends. I think you could become involved in something you like, an activity of some kind, and find a friend in this way. I think it might help for you to find something you are truly interested in and become involved in that. I truly hope you will be OK.
4 people like this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
19 Dec 07
Thank you sigma77 - I remember you from before, when I first started posting here, when I was unemployed last year. This has been a bad year for me, so I haven't been online as much as I used to. Now that I'm out on disability, I have more time to be online. I will be here more often, after the holidays. Thanks for the post!
1 person likes this
@kokopelli (4842)
• United States
20 Dec 07
friendship does not come automatically, it has to be developed, usually over time. you can gain friends by mingling in terms of your interest. if you love sport, go to the gym or join local teams in your area. if you're into internet, mylot is a good place to find friends :) i had developed some friendships by just being online, thru discussion sites like this and also the game room (word games at yahoo in particular). of course, it's always better to have personal dealings and if that's what you want, then you need to go out and mix with people. join community activites, or be a volunteer. there are a lot of people out there looking for friendships too, i'm sure you'll bump unto one pretty soon :)
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Thanks for posting kokopelli. When I first got onto myLot, I thought I was developing friends, but then when I disappeared for a little bit, the others left myLot, or forgot about me, or whatever. Since I can't drive, having friends online is what I need right now, I guess. I do hope to be able to find friends here, as I like it here.
1 person likes this
@kokopelli (4842)
• United States
27 Dec 07
i've been here for more than a year now. but i, too, have been in and out of mylot :) i'm just glad that some of the friends i met here are still here (though not that active anymore too). i wish they'll stay even if it's just checking in once in awhile.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
8 Jan 08
I agree with you on that. Sorry it took me so long to reply, but I justhappen to have received an e-mail that someone else responded to this post, and I ended up seeing your post, so I thought I'd better answer it. I wonder how you sometimes get e-mails when people post, and sometimes you don't. Any clue about that one?
@SViswan (12071)
• India
20 Dec 07
You need to get help not friends!!! Get to a doctor or a counsellor or someone who can physically help you. I've been watching your posts and definitely think you need professional help. Please get it soon!
2 people like this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Thank your for caring enough to make this post SViswan - I really do appreciate it. I'm seeing a counselor today, just saw the MD on Monday, will be seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist next week. I am working on it. I haven't given up yet!!!
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12071)
• India
21 Dec 07
Thank goodness! I hope it helps and you'll be feeling better soon:)
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
22 Dec 07
Thanks for your support!!!
@sherrir101 (3676)
• Malinta, Ohio
3 Feb 08
I have trouble making and keeping 'offline' friends. I now live in a town which is an hour away from anyone that I know or love. I don't drive very often. So... I just rely on my computer friends. Mainly my MyLot friends. They have seen me through most things like they were here. I have several MyLot friends that are very dear to me. I will be your friend. (((hugs)))
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
6 Feb 08
Thank you for your offer, and I hope to hear from you soon!
@fireash (16)
20 Dec 07
oohh that's sad.. i do make a lot of friends by, mainly, a network of friends, for example this best friend of mine, has a new acquiatances then he/she will ask me to meet them again then suddenly, its just kaboom! were friends totally, enjoying each other.. or in work, seminars, trainings, its not impossible to gain group of new friends there.. ok? well, goodluck and Godbless=)
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Thanks fireash. Thanks what I try to do, but it doesn't work for me. At work, when I was able to, I think the problem was that I tried too hard to make co-workers into friends, and ended up pushing them away instead. We don't go to trainings/seminars and such outside of the company. Meeting friends through other friends is impossible, as I rarely see the friends that I have. But, thanks again for posting!
1 person likes this
@vanities (11410)
• Davao, Philippines
20 Dec 07
ohhh..that was a sad feeling...but i could be your friend if you want to..im from another country maybe very far from you...we can keep in touch if you wish to..just read my profile..
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Thank you vanities. If you're serious, please PM me so we can be friends. Thanks again!!!
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jan 08
I feel like a dunce for not noticing your posts before... sorry bout that! Not that I suppose it's really my job to notice every person who needs a friend, but... I like to help when I can. I hope that your therapist can give you some good ideas as well, but... well, first I was going to talk to you about ways to make friends offline. But further down your discussion you mentioned that friends online are probably more what you need right now. It's hard to talk about offline things since I don't know what type of town you live in and you don't drive. In my town I can get cabs and buses, so even though I don't drive, there are places I can go. I basically just try to find things to do that amuse me (like taking a beading class) without thinking about making friends, and then naturally meet people with the same interests. So I've had chances to make friends in those ways. I mention this even though you said you mostly need online friends, because if there comes a point where you can never get out at all, having those offline friends to check up on you can be a very good thing. Online has always been easier for me, actually. Much easier in fact. I have a lot of friends here on mylot, a few of which I actually speak to on the phone and such. I live kind of in a weird place, so no one seems to be near me, but if I lived closer to some of my friends, I would definitely meet up with them. Making friends on mylot really just took time on my part. First you have to start thinking about whose posts you enjoy, who you like to be friends with. Not just "be on their friend's list", but really get to know. First, get them on their list, which depending on how picky the person is, might require some time. Then, pick something they said in a discussion that really struck you and send them a message saying how interested you were in that, or let them know you've been really liking their replies and would like to get to know them better. Think about other ways to communicate than just mylot: like email or instant messengers. I've found that I'm much closer to my friends I've also spoken to via messengers than the ones I only see on mylot, usually. Basically, it all comes down to taking that first step. That might seem hard, but really it can be just as simple as saying "I really like what you said about..." and then letting the conversation flow naturally. Sometimes it ends there, but a lot of times you wind up going from that topic to another, and another, and before you know it you've had the same online friend for a year. :P
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
7 Jan 08
Thanks lecanis! It's hard to find the offline ones while I can't drive. Maybe if I "live at the library" long enough, I'll find some. I have trouble making friends. It used to be easier when I was younger, but it's been getting more and more difficult. I think it's partly my fault, as I've got a bad memory, so I forget things, and that's not a good habit to have in a friend I guess. Thanks for sharing!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 08
I think I like your personality base on reading your replies, would you really mind if I would like to get to know you more and be friends. I am a new user of this site and has no friends, not even one, so if you will accept me as a friend, then I could have one and soon I hope there would come more. Good Day Lecanis
2 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
8 Jan 08
dmillman- I know how you feel about not driving making it hard. I'm in that position, though I'm lucky the town I live in is small enough I can walk a lot of places, though not this far into winter. So winter makes me a pretty big hermit, except for going to work. The library is a good idea, especially if you often see other people there, and you could even find out if they have or know of any book clubs or other events to take part in. :) Honeylore, I'm always looking for new friends. I sent you a request. :)
1 person likes this
@Nan110 (469)
• United States
5 Jan 08
I know what you were going through about having lack of friends. I was there but now I have a friend that I'm very close to and she brightened my days. If you still need someone to talk to feel free to let me know.
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
5 Jan 08
So what did you do to make these friends? Have any ideas, for someone who currently can't drive?
@Nan110 (469)
• United States
6 Jan 08
I come online to make friends and if they live close to where I live I would take a bus to meet them somewhere or hang out at their house.
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
19 Jan 08
That's a great idea - too bad I haven't found anyone here that lives close enough to me, to feel that we could connect offline. I will keep this in mind for future reference though, so thanks for mentioning it!!!
• China
4 Feb 08
I am sorry to hear that .I think it is a bad feeling for you.But you must to face it .Mybe the reason is from you .You should change your way which how to treat others .for example ,when she or he is in trouble ,you shoud give he or she a phone call.And lisening to it ...
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
6 Feb 08
Thanks for posting.
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
3 Feb 08
I hope that by now you are feeling better and are starting to find a few friends. I have found that the places where I make friends most often is attending regular activities that I enjoy. This could mean sporting events, karaoke, or nearly anything where you might run into others with a similar interest. Personally, I have met many of my friends at karaoke bars because karaoke is one of my favorite pastimes and I meet a lot of people while I am out singing. In any case, just remember that it takes time to build a friendship, so don't give up too easily.
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
6 Feb 08
I wish that were the case, but it's not. I just got out of the hospital a week ago, and will be finishing up a partial hospitalization program tomorrow, and then onto weekly group therapy sessions and couples therapy and even some individual therapy. Guess it's a good thing I'm out of work, or I wouldn't have time for all of this stuff. If I could drive, meeting people wouldn't be as difficult. That's where my problem lies. I wouldn't feel safe driving alone until they figure out my medical mystery - as I could hurt myself, or someone else, or both. Thank you for your comments!
• Australia
18 Jan 08
maybe you should try to be more involved with your hobbies, what ever they might be but it needs 2 b something that gets you out of the house if nothing that you are already into brings you into a community then take up a new hobby or job that gets you out of the house and meeting people. Smile and make idol chit chat with people some people will think your weird but you could be passing your new bestfriend without a glance. Confidence is important for meeting new people. This WILL be harder for you if you are going through tough times. there are support groups and other people that feel they have nowhere to turn. You could try speed dating then you dont have to hang around if you start to feel awkward you wait for the bell and move to the next person if you are getting along well then you stay where you are and people switch around you. I'm not sure if church is your thing, its not mine but the people there are friendly and willing to help guide and give advice. I think you could find some nice new friends who will positivly influence your life there. I hope that has been of help.
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
6 Feb 08
This would all be great if I could drive! That's the hardest part - not being able to drive!
@honeylore23 (1085)
• United States
8 Jan 08
I am also having problem on that. I am new to this site, and spend my time if I get online on responding to forums. I have no idea how to add friends already member of the site. Maybe I need to explore the site so soon I will know. Because we both is lacking a friend, would you mind if I want to befriend with you. Would you accept it... God Speed
1 person likes this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
8 Jan 08
Sure honeylore23, I'll be your friend. I'm sending you a request right now. All you have to do is accept it, and then send me a message. If you want me explain to you how to send a friends request, just mention it in your message to me! Thanks for responding to my post as well!!