stuck in between a rock and a hard place...HELP!

Okay, if this was your kid, I would say family first. But your cousin's lack of planning should not be your emergency. You had standing plans and plans for the holidays are big for people and you probably had them well in advance. If I were in your shoes, I would have told your cousin that it was your special day with your boyfriend, and go through the list of her siblings, other cousins, etc and past babysitters even if she had to pay them.. Quite frankly, I would have told your cousin that if she couldn't find a babysitter or daycare that day, she should call into work and not go in (and you better believe she will be able to find someone else fast). The child is her responsible and her "family first," not yours. And if she didn't take you to see your parents, do you honestly think your parents would find or make no other way to see you? Even if you had a good quiet Christmas with your boyfriend and saw them the next day? Every parent knows that at a certain time their little boy or girl grows up and is going to meet someone. His kids are different because he is their father, not their uncle, second cousin, or legal guardian. So if it comes up that there is a band concert they forgot to tell him about or they get in a scrape, he should rightfully be there. If you want this relationship, then you have to decide - are you going to put your relationship first, or is this going to be a once a month or every two month thing. If he lived around the corner, that's one thing but if you want this to work, you need to make the effort to get together. And if its going to be that his kids are going to need him, plan 5 different things that month so that the odds are that three work out instead of planning one thing and not being able to hook up.

I only respond in kindness please don't take offence I dont know you but your situation is familiar to me. It sounds to me that your boyfriend does not respect your feelings. I think you are doing things to please him and ignoring things you want because of maybe fear of him not spending time with you. I did that for a very long time and it is not worth it. It seems to me that you want to see him more by your first comment about not seeing him for 2 months, I dont know your arangment if any but you should tell him. As for the sitting thing for your sister no you are not wrong he is. He has family so he knows family is important and should not get mad. Things happen in life that we can't control or we feel we must do and if he cares for you then he would understand and instead of being selfish he could have helped you watch the child or even there could have been an adjustment instead of taking off cause he couldn't have his own way. As for the putting him 2nd well thats the truth family should come first, there is nothing wrong with it and Im sure he puts his family first as well. I do hope I didn't overstep but I felt moved to say more cause it hurts me to see others being treated unkindly because I was. I do hope you enjoyed your holidays and you will stand up for yourself or maybe find someone in the new year that will show more kindness and caring because you deserved it. brightest blessings to you :)s

Your boyfriend is wrong and here is no grey area here. He should be happy to help your family out as he expects the same from you. Relationships are about family and giving and helping each other...unless there is no family but that is not the case here. He sounds quite mean and sounds like he is trying to punish you and make you feel bad. You are not wrong my friend, don'tworry about that. You are doing the right thing.

He is wrong and you are right.It would be different if he wasn't a father and never stood you up to see his kids.If he weren't a parent, he wouldn't understand why you have to babysit. But he has kids and he should know better.It sounds like he isn't the right guy for you. The right guy would have modified his plans to include the kid you were babysitting. Instead of a romantic day, maybe a "family" outing and a small romantic dinner at home after the child went to sleep.Simple.

The choice is clear family first. If he was so concerned about having you all to himself perhaps he could have changed his plans

What's good for one is good for another. At least you didn't stand him up you gave him notice. It sounds like you would be better off with someone who appreciates you. You sound like a wonderful person and deserve someone who will treat you like a princess. Two hours isn't that far away he should go out of his way to see you. Good luck with him and remember don't let him call all the shots. Everyone should be treated good and he needs to respect you more.

Houndsgood has given you some good advice already and I'm going to add to it. Presuming your boyfriends visit was arranged in advance you are being very unfair and inconsiderate not to make it your priority. I get the feeling you wanted to refuse your cousins request but didn't feel able, well making unpalatable choices is part and parcel of being an adult. Her request is unreasonable; why has she not arranged cover for her baby if she knew she was going to work then or if the work is not regular why did she accept it with no cover arranged? Sounds like either she is being irresponsible about cover when she is out at work or just taking advantage of you. Also, you could have declined the lift from her if it entailed this reciprocation, especially as you would see your parents at the weekend anyway. As Houndsgood has already pointed out, you are wrong to equate this with your boyfriends commitment to his children, since they are his children not his cousins. To be honest, it sounds to me as if you have a little growing up to do; either in order to say no to your cousin when she makes an unreasonable request or you not to use the incident as an excuse to childishly get back at your bf for the times that you feel he has stood you because of his commitment to his kids. all the best urban

I need more info, was your boyfriends visit planned or was it spontaneous? From your writing, I wasn't sure if you were together in that time or were apart - not physically only but also mentally. Was your bf going to take you to see your parents or your cousin? He sounds immature and self centered, if he wanted to see you,he would have even if you had a 3 year old with you. He has teenage kids and he has left you for them? Sounds like he wants you to be dedicated to him but not the other way around. He sounds selfish and controlling.