Okay so I'm a horrible person...

United States
December 25, 2007 9:53am CST
...why you ask, well I'll tell you because frankly I need to vent before my head explodes. I went to college and fell in love like so many cheesy movies' plot lines, but it was definitely not as simple as a movie. This guy liked me a lot for reasons I can't seem to figure out hell I don't even like myself all that much. I lied a lot back then but I always told people I was a liar and that that was the only thing I tell the truth about, immature I know; but hey I was young went to college at 16. Anyway back to the point, when this guy finally asks that question that can make or break a relationship, "So what are we?" I broke the relationship out of fear of anything slightly resembling commitment. The thing about it though was I couldn't stop thinking about him and then realized too late that I loved him. I was also good friends with his best friend and then before I even realized what was happening, his friend asked me out! This guy was a saint has a heart of gold best friend anyone could have but just that FRIEND that's it so I sidestepped that one with this line, "Well you see I don't date..." That fiasco was over or so I thought but then I got kicked out of college and had to leave to go back home and this boy cried, I felt horrible but what could I do I didn't love him I loved his best friend but I lied to him so much he didn't want anything to do with me anymore but I don't give up so easily and I then called him often and tried to get him back until I felt like the idiot I was and left him alone for like a year. Out of nowhere the heart of gold friend started calling me and we kept in touch as friends but then recently he came all the way across a whole state to visit me and take me to see a movie, after the fact it came to my realization that he still liked me a lot and I felt that I was leading him on, and since then he's been calling a lot but I can't seem to answer the phone, all I can think of is the man I love even more repelled by me if I lead his best friend on. He never left a message until yesterday though and on that message he said, "Hey just calling to say Merry Christmas and I love you, see you later." What the hell is that I ignore him for months and he tells me he loves me why how?? I say all that and then I think I'm treating him the same way his friend the one I'm in love with treated me when I told him that I loved him, so again in closing I am without a doubt a horrible person, no?
1 person likes this
4 responses
13 Nov 17
I think you remember we've ttalked about this before and if I'm not mistaken you told me that the first guy liked you and you didn't let on you liked him. Then his friend got interested. And you then could kick yourself for not letting the one you were really interested in know. I've done that before to not act interested when I really was that's a mistakea lot of us do, I didn't act interested when I really was that's a mistake a lot of us make. I'm just happy that you finally found someone, he may not like me but at least he loves you and you love him that's all that counts!
@wahptb (188)
• Canada
26 Dec 07
You`re not a horrible person. I would say leave the guy you think you love alone. You don`t make someone love you. If he wants nothing to do with you it`s too bad he won`t change his mind. I really get irritated with people who can`t move on, especially young people. It`s simple he has the same desire to love you as you have to love the FRIEND friend. Sorry if I sound harsh or anything but love is a two way street and nothing good can come of one person adoring another who doesn`t feel the same. Love can maybe grow on people but for that you have to be in contact regularly so if he`s not talking to you forget about it.
• United States
25 Dec 07
Oh no no, not at all. You most definitely arent a horrible person. A horrible person wouldnt do half of the things you did. You just lack understanding in a particular subject manner. "Love" in itself is a confusing topic if you ask me.
• India
25 Dec 07
You are not a horrible person; you are just a confused person and you have ended up confusing me too. Sit quietly in one place, empty your head of all thoughts, and then decide which guy you want in your life, and stick to that guy. I don't think it is that tough. But then, I was never that good with these complicated affairs of the heart; I have steered clear of them. Take care and enjoy!! Cheers!