Does anyone else have any step children ?

I have a step-daughter Sissygrl and trust me, it's hard. When the child is living in two households with two sets of rules, they never quite understand boundaries, 'specially if Mama is jealous. My best advice to you is not to worry so much about how much you love the step-children; Rather think more about keeping things as 'normal' as you can for yourself along with showing your stepchild the things you want them to learn. Imagine what it must be like for them......

That is funny because I have 2 on the way from the airport here as we speak and it always makes me a little anxious. I care about them and try to respect them and have concern for their welfare but I can't love them like my own. They are teenagers so that is a tough age anyways. I tried to have a good relationship in the beginning because I had friends that had children similar ages and we got along great. But it just never worked well and I think (even though mom left dad) that they will always see me as a barrier to their parents getting back together. I do know a few people who have stepchildren that they are very close to but it seems that it happens best when the stepparent comes in when they are very young and they live with them either all of the time or at least half of the time. I have found it doesn't work trying to be the enforcer of rules with stepchildren, so I do try to stay out of that as it has backfired for me.

I do understand your point my oldest son did not belong to the youngest threes father and my oldest always got treated diffenertly by their dad.I would punish the step child like I would my own there is no law that I know that says you have to love the step child like you do your own only treat him as if he was yours the step son was in the family before you got married to your husband so there fore he was part of the package.

My step-son (his father and I are now divorced) lived with us from the time he was 6 yrs old. It wasn't always easy, but I did love him like my own and treated him that way as well. Granted there was a different bond with my own daughter. But, after the first year, things settled down and he came to realize that I was not going to treat him any differently. And no matter what anyone says, if you marry the dad, you also inherit the child/children to some extent. I am now with a wonderful man, he has a 14 year old daughter, we have been together 3 years, and the first year was adjustment time. She had been used to not 'sharing' her dad, and I had become used to not having young children around, my own daughters are 25 and 18. The first year, she had to adjust to my ways, and I had to take into consideration her feelings, and what she was used too at her mom's home and how it had been with just her and her dad. But, the reward is that now, she and I get along great together, she comes up and hugs me 'just because'. And even tells me she loves me! She is a great kid. You don't say how long you have been married, but maybe you need to take into consideration, what type of discipline he receives at his mom's, and sometimes you have to bite your tongue and compromise, you also don't mention his age, so kind of hard to know what kind of adjustments he might be going through. Good luck, being a step-mom (which I hate that word step)can have it's own rewards.

I am not a step mom, but my man and I have been together for three years and we have a 17 month old son. My man has two daughter, so I kinda am a step mom, just not officially and I love then both, but the love is different than the love I have for my son. My son and I have a special bond, a bond only a mother and her offspring have. I think it is that special bond that seperates the love we have for our own children and for our step children.

Hi sissygrl! I guess really don't understand the idea that love should be or ever is equal or the same with children, parents, friends or siblings. That said, i have never understood, nor so I like the labeling of STEP children. it just seems like an awful label and distinguishing tag to put upon a child, or parent for that mater (step mom)A child is a child, a parent is a parent. luckily most people that adopt don't go around forever introducing that child as "this is my adopted child so & so. I think the STEP label itself creates a lot of uneasy feelings. As long as you open your heart and love each one of your children genuinley and honestley that is what matters. The love will them be strong for each individual. I also feel that one can bond just as strongley to any child as the one they may have birthed. Think of adoptions, etc. Good luck!

Nope. I don't plan to, I'm in the long hall with my wife. I've often though about this situation, I would see myself being the same as I am with jake. I love any child and I always want to bring fun to thier lives. =) I can't really say anything though, I'm just a normal father here. ~joey

I know, and understand how hard a relationship with stepkids is, I've seen many a family caught up in the "swirl" of trying to get along! And it is hard! In a way I am lucky, I raised two stepkids from the time they were 4 & 2 yrs old! And yes we had our troubles, but I kept a fair and reasonable, and positive outlook on our relation, and those kids turned out to be the loves of my life! They are just like my biological kids, and they treat me like I was their real father! At this point all I can say is keep in mind that "at the end of the rainbow, there is a pot of gold"!

I have step-children as well. As much as I love them, it just isn't the same as the children that are biologically mine. And it isn't the same as if we had adopted a child, my husband's kids already have a mother. We love one another's children and that is all that matters. We try and treat them all equally whether they are mine, his or ours.

I have a step daughter who is my second son's age, which is 8...but, the thing is I have never had the chance to meet her or get to know her. My husband's ex wife has kept this little girl away from my husband every since she was born. He got to see her twice. It absolutely kills him and he wants her here very much, so do I though. I'm sure that things would be rough for a while, especially with her not knowing us, but the thing is you have to take a new approach for the son you are talking about. Maybe try not parenting him and being the step mother, but become his friend. Someone that he will be able to trust and talk to...i really think that the love would come with that in time. My husband had the same doubts about my two sons when we got pregnant with my daughter and it took him a long time to look at my boys as "his" even though they had been for two years before she even came into the picture. It's always difficult to have that unconditional love that all children need, not just your own. Try looking at it in a different light, pray about it...the love will come and pretty soon it will just feel natural and feel like he's yours as well. I will be praying for you and keep us posted on this. God bless you and your family

I don't have kids, never will have kids nor will I ever date a man with kids. But I do have a step mother and she shows clear favoritism over her real daughter vs my sister and me. We get crappy presents for Christmas and the real daughter gets a $500 gift card from Wal-Mart. When my niece had her 3rd birthday last year, she got an art set. When my step niece had her birthday last year, she got a $650 game console with a dance revolution attachment kit. She's 4! WTF does she need a dance revoluation attachment kit for? I'd let the bio parent discipline him for the most part. There can be a huge rift caused if he finds you for instance putting his kid in time out when the bio parent spanks him. It's a fine line.