How close are you to your father?

@Sharon38 (1915)
Jamaica
December 27, 2007 3:48pm CST
I grew up with my mother and I do know my father but during my yougner years he was never around to help send us to school or anything. I grew up disliking this man so much that I would not even call him father (still dont). I call him Mr. Higgins. Well I gather from my mother that they could not get along well and she left him so he decided not to support us. Thats cool. Its his decision but now I find myself thinking about him, wondering if he is ok, if he needed anything so I called him. Of course he was happy to hear from me and has promised to help me as much as he can. DO you believe him? Well I dont! Why now? Oh please I am not that gullible! So how about you and your father? Do tell!
7 people like this
26 responses
@carolbee (16233)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I feel sorry for your dad missing all those years he could have spent with you. Difficult for me to answer if I believe your father or not as it really depends on the individual. He doesn't sound very promising so please don't get your hopes up, only to be let down again. I was fortunate. Was able to grow up with my father and idolized the ground he walked on. I was his little girl so we did all kinds of things together. He's now gone and I really miss his smiling face but he's with me in my heart and will remain there forever until one day when I see him again. Bless you and happy new year, carolbee
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Carolbee you made me smile because I have always wished for a close relationship with my father and never got the chance. Even as a child whenever I went to visit him I felt like an outsider - he spoke with such love of the older ones and never once showed me that love.
@carolbee (16233)
• United States
1 Jan 08
Keep in mind this is not your fault and you can't be responsible for your father's actions. I know it still hurts. Have a happy and healthy new year, carolbee
1 person likes this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
2 Jan 08
Hey Carolbee thanks and a very happy and prosperous new year to you too.
@34momma (13893)
• United States
28 Dec 07
my father has passed on. but man i was a big Daddy's girl. I was so close to my father. He was the best man I have ever known. He was always there for me and supported me in everything i wanted to do. he was even in the delivery room when I had my first son. from that we had a bond that no one could come between. he was fun and funny. and smart and he was one of those people that you wanted to be around. I miss him every single day. but i know that he is with me. he is still supporting my dreams and letting me know that i am always going to be his little girl
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
You made me smile because that is the dream I have had all these 38 years just wishing my father had loved me like how other fathers loved their children.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13893)
• United States
1 Jan 08
i am glad i can make you smile. having a father is very important in a child's life i know that and i am sorry you didn't have that. but you are a strong women and this too shall pass
1 person likes this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Amen and thanks for the encouragement
@sacmom (14314)
• United States
28 Dec 07
My dad and I were close when I was little. But that all changed after my parents filed for divorce. I stayed with my mom and rarely ever saw my dad. At first it was a few times a year and then as the years went by it became less and less. The last time I saw my dad was back in 2001, though we do communicate through emails from time to time.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Well it is good that you communicate with him even though you dont see him anymore. I always thought of my father and just wished that things were different between us. He cherishes the other children except me.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14314)
• United States
4 Jan 08
But how do you know this? You yourself said he was happy to hear from you. Why not give him a chance and get to know him? You never know, he may cherish you more than you think. :)
1 person likes this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
9 Jan 08
Believe me he does not. I am the last child and last in everything for him. I never told you but he disowned me from birth and it was only at the age of 10 when I passed to go to high school that he started acknowledging me as his child. It hurt me then but I have outgrown all those. I just want to have a better relationship with him than the one existing now.
@bowtieguy (5925)
• United States
9 Mar 08
I am very close to my father and always have been every since I was a young lad. I diolized him, wnating to be just like him. I dressed like him and still sorta do, I also share the same morales and belief's as him. Even though he has since passed away I still feel that special connection that I always did with him.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
3 Apr 08
That is a woonderful thing to say about your father and I am impressed. I never shard those moments with mine though but I am glad that you did.
@aries_0325 (3062)
• Philippines
2 Jan 08
I am not close to my father because I don't like the personality he have. He have a very strong personality like a tiger. He is a very strict parent specially to my sister. He is a very protected person and also a suspicious person. All my brother and sister are not close to him because of that personality. But we love him and we respect him because he is a good provider of our family.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
2 Jan 08
I guess h is that way because he wants the best for you all. If i even had that from my father I would have been thankful to God and I am happy that inspite of this you all love him. Happy new year to you
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 08
I suppose I am very lucky to have parents who have stayed married all through my growing up, and are even now getting close to their 40th wedding anniversary. However, I was never that close to my Daddy, even though he was there when he wasn't working. I am not sure if the reason was because he was so busy supporting us that he didn't have time to get close to us, or if he just didn't want to. I think me being a girl made a difference as well...you know how the older generations felt about having sons? I think that was always hanging over my head as I was growing up and shaped how I felt about myself and my Daddy as well. Nowadays, though, I can talk to my Daddy on the phone, and I know that he would do anything he could to help me and my kids. And that is the most wonderful feeling in the world for me. He can actually say to me,"I love you, Violet." and that's something he didn't say when I was growing up. So, I guess you could say I'm pretty close to my Daddy.
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
And I agree with you. I never had that. I gre wup with my mother and the older brothers helped to take care of me. My father disowned me and so I guess I disliked him and never even thought about him for a long while. I am trying to change this now because I realise that time is very short.
1 person likes this
@men82in (1270)
• India
1 Jan 08
I was really waiting for such a discussion. My father was working with the Airports Authority and in my childhood days I used to hate him a lot as he would always scold me or beat me for any reasons. But later I started understanding the reason behind his anger and stop doing mischievous. He helped me a lot during my college days and teached me a lot of things about life and people. He is a very reserved kind of person and but I am opposite to him. I really wonder nowadays how he could be so soft to me when I was really at the peak of mischievous. He is a good friend more than a father to me. I call him by name and we share a lot of things without hiding anything. I would really try to be like him when I have my own son or daughter.Thanks to GOD for giving me such a wonderful dad...
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
And I am happy for you too for such a wodnerful Dad. I never had those memories but I do hope that we can build some before its too late
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 07
I am very close to my father. It is almost like I have no other choice but to be. My father has done so much for me and my family. Without my father, I would not be here on this earth. And for that reason, no matter how mad I might get at him, I am always grateful to him. My father is my right hand man.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
I am happy to know that I am sorry I cannot speak like you because he never gave me the chance to know and love him as a child
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
I am a Daddy's girl. I am the eldest child, and although he does not say it, I can feel that I am his favorite. I am very close to him, he let's me speak my mind. I could tell him my frustrations, the things I like and a little about what's going on with my love life. Of course, it's a different manner when we talk to our mother regarding these stuff, but I am very open to him. Most of the time, when I'm on the passenger's seat of the car and we are not looking eye-to-eye (of course he has to be focused when driving). I keep on talking and tell him what's going on with my life. I love my father so much.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
2 Jan 08
Sorry I over looked your response. I love the fact thqt you love your fatehr and have a good relatinship with him. Keep it up and a happy new year to you and your family.
@dianagnes (1088)
• Singapore
28 Dec 07
Me and my father lives together since i was born.Beside my mum,he took care of me and gives me all the needs in life.I grow up with him and learn all those aspects of life from him and my mum.To start,people thinks that im a daddy's girl because im his only daughter.That was when i was young..people may thought that because i get what i want from him..Even now,what i want..i will get.heeehee..im kinda being pampered with things but i don't take it for granted.;-) Since my teenage years,im not close to him..in fact i dont see the closeness between me and him..ahah..meaning,i does not have any long heavy chat with him.What i know,when he ask me anything,i will answer..thats it!i dont even dare to tell/share stories with him execpt my mum..haha!!Its like girls matter so to have him included its so different.He sometimes dont understand..Im kinda sick of his attitude for now.The anger and frustration makes me more mature to thinks bout pros and cons..All thanks to him..eheheh! =)
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Hahaha! you made me laugh. He loves you though even though he may not understand and I am happy that you had that family unit to grow and nurture you in love
@palonghorn (5485)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I am very close to my father, and I always have been. If he was going fishing or somewhere else, I wanted to go along. And I know that my dad has always been very proud of me, and he still brags to others about my accomplishments, my latest happened this year when I was hired for my dream job, working for the forestry service, I'm a wildland firefighter. I'm pretty sure that within hours of me telling him, he was letting others know lol. As for your father, maybe you should give him a 'guarded' chance, and see if he actually means what he said. Maybe after all this time, he actually does what to help you. Maybe there has been many times that he wanted to reach you but was not sure if you wanted to talk to him.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Actually this is not the first time I have tried to repair the breach between us. I was living with my brother once and we got in a fight and he sided with the bigger brother and said if he found me in my brother's house he will throw me out and I never talked to him from that time until about 2 years ago. He had called me requesting blood but I had flu at the time and could not give any blood for him. Now I am trying again and I plan to take my daughter to meet him. I hve forgiven him for neglecting and disowning me as a child.
@timish (128)
• United States
28 Dec 07
When I was younger, I used to not like my dad. I was much closer to my mom, who I usually talked to whenever I had a problem - never my dad. I think one of the main reasons I came to dislike my dad was because of this cultural misunderstanding. He was raised in the Philipines so according to him, spanking or "hiting" your children was a way to discipline them, which he often did with me. This view of discipline contrasted with the American view of spanking a child. In America this would be considered child abuse and I often accused my dad of that. So for the most part, I grew up thinking my dad was an abusive father due to a cultural misunderstanding. I ended up distancing myself from him and when we did interact it resulted in fights - both emotional and physical. I'm 21 now and our relationship isn't like the typical father-daughter relationship. I believe your father when he says that he'll help you as much as he can. I think he does care about you and love you but probably doesn't know how to express it towards you because he thinks you dislike him (after all, you did show a disliking towards him when you were young). That phone call you made may have been a pleasant surprise for him and I believe he was genuinely happy to hear from you!
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
You may also be right too TImish on this but I guess time will indeed tell his intentions.
• India
28 Dec 07
I am not very close to either of my parents. My Dad went abroad when I was like 2yrs and came back when I was around 12. I don’t know exactly why, he never made the effort to involve himself in my daily activities. Maybe he wanted a son, maybe he thought a mother was the best for a growing daughter, maybe he could not reconcile to my adolescence, but whatever be it he was quite aloof, involving himself in his business. He was always there of course, but I just could not make myself run and hug him for no apparent reason, I could never tell him lets go for a walk, I could not hang on to his shirt and nag for a movie and ice-cream and so on (all the small desires that daughters tell their fathers). Now mom was a strict disciplinarian without much logic. Once she says something, it needs to be done her way…no arguments please! (good, obedient girls of respectable families don’t argue with their moms). I don’t really know what to say and what to think and I cant really be judgemental about my parents…they had their own battles, their own trials and tribulations. But the bottomline is that I am close to neither of them. I maintain a civil distance, I am there for them, they are there for me and that’s all. Regarding you Sharon, I know you are not gullible but I would like you to ask yourself that why does Mr. Higgins want to help you after all these years? Try to get as practical answer to this as possible…his intentions can be good or bad…you will have to find them out before you try building any bridges. But everything said and done, I would still tell you to keep an open mind and an open door…it should not be like 20yrs from now on, when and if Mr. Higgins is no more, you look at yourself in the mirror and accuse yourself like ‘why didn’t I take that first step further…?’
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Yeah you are right too along with my Good Friend Ann. Funny enough I only wnated him to acknowledge that I was his child. Never really wanted anything else from him
• India
28 Dec 07
Hi Sharon! I have not been close to my mother or father because they were never near me in my growing years when i spend my time at relatives and hostels. My mother is no more now and I wish I should have treated her well when she was alive than taking my frustration and anger on her. As far as my father is concerned he is not he sort of person who would show his affection or appreciation openly. I do worry about my father as he is alone now and call him atleast once a week and visit him as often as possible. Afterall, life is short and I do not want to have any grudge on him and cause him hurt (and be miserable myself) because I thought he treated me badly and did not care for me much in my younger years. I think you also should forgive your father from your heart and help him if he needs without expectations as a true Christian. I also think that you should visit him along with your daughter and he would definitely feel guilty for the way he has treated you when you needed him. People may behave to us badly but that does not give us an right to treat them also in the same manner. All the best!
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
You are right Ann! The thing is I have indeed forgiven him but I dont know if I will ever trust him seeing that he never really acknowledged me as one of his children even though I am the last one.
@Estina54 (389)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I was closer to my father than my mather. He was providing for the family and very professional. Maybe that's why I'm trying to compete with males, being and looking female, thing that some guys misunderstand.
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
I am gld to hear that you and your father were close. Here in Jamaica in 9 out of 10 homes the father head is absent and it makes life very difficult for the children expecially boys because they dont have a male model to emulate. For me I just wished he would acknowledge that I am his child.
• United States
28 Dec 07
Not very close. We used to be very close - we talked about everything. But after finding out that he was cheating on my mom that basically ruined all of that. I have been very upset and angry with him. I still talk to him but i dont think i will ever be ablet o fully forgive him for the pain that he caused my mom. And i agree with what someone else said. If you feel that way about your father dont let him take advantage of you. I did and i paid for it.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
I am sorry to hear about the loss of trust in that way and I know it must have hurt you badly. I hope that one day though that gap which developed will be bridged with time and healing. Thank you for responding and sharing with me. Happy New Year to you and yours
• China
28 Dec 07
i am sorry to hear that,you need belive that nothing impossible.
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Thats true
@chari_dc (493)
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
i wasn't close to my dad while growing up. i was more close to my mom, mostly because we're both girls. and my dad was sort of strict and not very friendly when i was still a kid. he was like an authoritative figure. when i was in high school and through college, i noticed him mellowing a bit. my mom claims it's because they started getting involved in family programs and apostolates and they're both learning modern ways of parenting. now that i'm an adult, can i safely say that me and my dad are real close. i don't live with them anymore but we always keep in touch and call each other. i visit him and my mom at least twice a month and we always talk and share things. i love both my mom and dad. i don't know what i'd do without them.
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
I happoy to know that. My mother and I are really close too
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I am not close with my father at all. I tried for 28 years, which is the age i am now, to get him to want to have a relationship with me, but it was always one sided and everytime i would go up there i felt like a stranger. So, I don't even try anymore, which has done me a world of good. I used to see my father maybe twice a year and now i don't see him at all. I used to call him, but he would never call me or come visit...so i ended it. No need in getting upset about it anymore, and I don't. He is the one to blame for not having a relationship with his daughter and he is the one that will have to answer for that on Judgement Day...not me. I tried and tried and all it did was hurt me more and more, so I gave up while also forgiving him for being a crappy father and left it at that. That is about all i have to say about that. LOL! God bless
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
I guess I sort of understand you. I have tried before to make amends with my father but all he ever wanted was money and I only wnated him to acknowledge that I was his child.
@williamjisir (22901)
• China
28 Dec 07
Hello my dear Sharon. I am close to both my mother and father though my father used to be very serious with us when we were kids. It was for the good of us kids that my father was strict with us, which is understandable. However, I am still more close to my mother than to my father as my mother has always been the better caring one to us kids in everything. I am so sorry that you father was not responsible for what he was supposed to do as a father of you. But anyway it is so nice of you to miss your father and call him. You know, whatever your father has done to you, he is still your father and you are related from the angle of blood relationship. I hope that your father is trying to help you with a sincere heart, not just to make you feel gullible. Dear Sharon, I do hope that you will have a very good relationship with your father in spite of the wrong he has done to both you and your mother. I appreciate your new discussion very much and thanks for it, my dear sharon. May you be happy as always!
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 08
Hi William Happy new year to you and your family. I guess he does deserve another chance but as for trust - we will just see.