"The Disease To Please"

Hi Rozie37, I had a bad case of this "disease to please", but I am getting better. Some examples of my worst symptoms were giving someone my brand new car to borrow on a trip out of state, letting people who did not respect me ride in my car, and almost co signing for a person who did not care for me to purchase a motorcycle. Let me tell you Rozie I had it bad, then one day I started to improve my self esteem and said the magic word one day, Noooooooooo. Take Care and Happy New Year and Get Better the best way you can.

I have a neighbor that calls me and wants me to go for a walk with her. I always use to say yes to her but now when I don't want to I say no. It not only became one day, but it became everyday and even when I was not in the mood or in the middle of something, she still wanted me to go with her. Now and then I still do but when I am not in the mood I tell her I am not in the mood for a walk. Sometimes we can't always please people and sometimes others do take advantage of it. I have learned to do what I can, and if it interferes with what I am doing, then I say No I'm sorry but I can't this time round. Sometimes you have to say No because if you don't then it does eat away at you and may even cause issues between you and your friend at a later stage.

I have heard you say that God has a plan for each of us. I take that to mean that God has planted certain ideas or feelings within us that will help us to realize that plan. And acting on that plan is the means for us to do something great with our lives and for us to be at peace and know joy. Sometimes, acting on those plans takes us out of our normal routines and comfort zones. And that leads us to doing things that might offend others or go against what others have in mind for us. Everything is ok as long as you follow your group...do as they do, act as they act or think as they think. And some of the time, those actions are not always part of God's plan for us. So, whenever we step out of the "normal", we open ourselves up to ridicule and dislike from others. It is fine to do things for others and help them out. Where it goes to far is when we give up our dreams and fail to follow the plans that God has set forth for us. We end up in misery when we let pleasing others keep us from following the path we know in our hearts we should be following. We let what others think keep us from taking chances, trying new things and speaking out about what we believe, among other things. I think it is fine a please others in certain ways, but not when it comes to going against your beliefs and dreams and what you feel in your heart. To fear what others might say if you stand up for yourself, is to be like living in prison. If you go your own way, follow what you believe to be the path that God has set for you, then anyone you displease is not really your problem. Where you might lose a freind that does not support you, you will gain one that does. And as far a family goes, it is many times a touchy situation when you start going your own way and they do not agree. About all you can do is to remain loving and understanding and respectful of their feelings, but not let them determine the course of your life. Do not let anyone take away your dreams or discourage you.

I used to struggle with this, and to some extent I still do. I think when someone is labeled 'different' as we are, we try to go to extra extremes to make sure people know we are just like them and we want to be their friends, all at our own expense. You and I know we are normal who happen to have a couple of diseases not many people understand. And in the back of my mind, there is always that fear that someone will reject me for that. After all, I volunteered to be a Big Sister last year, you know that organization? They turned me down because I was bipolar. Even though I am completely stable and could be a help to a bipolar child. That hurt. But then I remember the only opinion that matters is the Lord's. If He is fine with me, then the people who matter will be fine with me as well. If someone can't accept me for the way I am, perhaps they are not meant to be in my life. If I have to bend myself over backwards to please someone, odds are they aren't in God's plan for me. But you never know. That's why praying is the ultimate way to get an answer, and you're wise for doing that.

Pleasing others is fine, however, I have always been very independent, and if what I did didn't please someone else, but pleased me, then I was okay with that. Not to the point that I'm selfish about it, if anything I do like to please my s/o, and I'm glad that my family is proud of me and my accomplishment. However, unlike you, if I didn't smoke and didn't need or want to be around it, I would tell her, go right ahead, but count me out. Trying to hard to please others can often times be annoying to them, but they don't want to say so for fear of hurting that person's feelings.

I know I don't badly have this problem, but I do go out of my way to please others before myself a lot of times. Like, a few of the girls at work smoke and I will stand with them while they are. I'm like you in that I hate the smell of smoke. People will want me to do something that I really hate doing, like Tupperware parties for instance, and I'll go because I hate to disappoint them. Nevermind about me! ha ha. I've always been that way. I'm stronger now than I used to be though. It is hard to decide what what is healthy and what you are called to do, you know? I always think in my mind that maybe I'm really helping out a person that needed the help or that is actually really lonely and in need of a friend.