The Jury Duty Chronicals

Tweet

This story begins with a young child, much like young children everywhere, naive and unknowing. This child attended and was churned out by the public education system like countless thousands who similarly are conditioned to jump through the hoops to escape the madhouse of childhood angst and jaded, one-dimensional educators with the deluded hope of a momentary reprieve. Often times for summers this child would taste the sweet warm freedom of sunshine, frolicking through nature, doodling spastic images, or expanding imagination through video games. One day that child turned twenty-one, and he had so far remained unviolated by the hedonistic vices that others around him had fallen prey to. He was now an adult in the real world. But there is a dark, sinister other world out there. It is not our own world. It is an ethereal Orwellian dream that exists behind the rust and ancient cobblestone. You hear a threatening yell and it is there. Follow the trace of infrastructure, telephone poles, roads, and you may see it there. And those who have been tainted by such vices as drugs, greed, lust, and others may be one day sucked into this very world. As well as the innocent. You see, you have jury duty. Yes, you. Do you remember being a child and standing in a plot of grass, and gazing out across the street and to the other yards? Other houses, where families dwelled, and other children lived? Did you think such a place was home? It is not your home. It is the home of the Government. The G-men, or Low Men. Like the vices that tempt us, these people also summon us from the place we think is "home". They have the power to take you from your home as the sun pushes forth over the horizon. to grab you by the feet and whisk you away to their world. Brothers, sisters, spouses, families torn apart. Like a nightmare, the nameless beings in this Other World have powers difficult to comprehend in your mind. But I shall tell you of their ultimate power. A vague kind of power that can surprise you with its building suspense and snapping jaws that never relent. This is spoken in our alphabet, and makes the sound of this phrase: "contempt of court". If you do not enjoy the kidnapping known as "jury duty", these Nameless Beings can use this phrase "contempt of court" to subject you to their draconian policies and iron will. What does it mean? It essentially means that the Nameless beings think you're being a big meanie head by not playing by their rules, and want to punish you. It would be as though the big chunky bully from your childhood became president and was allowed to make all sorts of rules like "Everybody do as I say". Ever see that one Twilight Zone episode with the kid who could wish people into the cornfield or whatever? You see, children, there's a reason why voting for legislation would be a good thing. You see, if you indicate any ounce of emotion to indicate the truth, that being told to go places and do things that you hadn't planned on doing, like your parents telling you to go to bed even though you were going to anyway, these Nameless Beings will place you in "contempt of court". Another way to translate "contempt of court" is being accused of a mortal sin because you don't like someone. You don't LIKE your neighbor who shovels dog feces over into your yard? Oops, we can claim that's a hate crime! You don't want to dress in a grey body suit and shave your hair off and march in ant-like single file to your new, government-appointed 3x5 cubicle where you will sleep from now on? Too bad! You're now Public Enemy #1. You see, if you do anything that the Nameless Beings can arbitrarily claim is noncompliant, they can overexaggerate the smallest tic into being a morally leperous act that others will shun you for. They will claim you are in "contempt of court" because you aren't 100% eager to be up for jury duty. Then you will be thrown in jail with the soulless and the insane, a horde of countless sociopaths intermingled with people also on trumped-up charges and the large fraction of innocents who will rape you if you share a bunk with them or knife you for your place in the lunch line. Your best bet is somehow getting thrown into solitary confinement for your sentence which will likely last YEARS, when even a day in jail should suffice for anyone with sentient nerve endings functioning in their body. Oh, by the way, serving jury duty and selective service is an honor and a privilege, because after all, if something is a "privilege" that means you can get thrown in jail for not complying! For instance, when you're 16 or 18 (depending on where you reside), you have the privilege of obtaining a driver's license. However, if you choose to NOT obtain a driver's license and instead opt for public transportation all your life, you can be thrown in jail. Remember, an honor and a privilege! Honor is an abstract concept, much like dadaism, which means to do something you don't want to do and expect to be respected by strangers for it. So please enjoy your time before that day in your life when you finally lose the pretense and realize there are people with power and authority who can bend you. And they will bend you until you break. They love the taste of authority, and can summon you from your home into their world where they can kidnap and imprison you for saying one wrong word, like "pant" or "frog". The end.