Tonight...I cried my heart out...
January 12, 2008 7:58am CST
I wrote this about 3 years ago, when I was in one of my downedest moments. Thank God, all praises be unto Him, because He has delivered me from these dark episodes in my life. I am very happy now, not because of anything, but because of God's work in my life...all praises be unto Him...my God, my Healer, the Rock of my Salvation. *************** Tonight, I cried… Not only tonight. It started in the afternoon of Friday… For the whole week, I was losing my self-esteem. I had several incidents with my mom which made me lose my self-worth. And I think I was having hormonal changes because of my menstrual cycle. Friday afternoon, I was supposed to buy some clothes and shoes for my trip next week, as we are required by the company that hired me to wear their company uniform. It was a hot day yesterday, the sun was scorching and my skin was tingling (but not a pleasant sensation). I went around the downtown area looking for low-cost pants and shoes. I was supposed to meet up with my boyfriend but he couldn’t make it and that all the more made me feel bad. I felt so bad that I was scaling the sidewalk crying. I looked crazy probably because the beggar boys where jumping at me. Then I called up our pastor’s wife if she had time to talk. When I got there, I really cried…tears flowing, without stopping. I needed a good cry. Everytime I was on the verge of crying, I will stop myself. But yesterday, I couldn’t it was as if my tear ducts were already brimming with tears and were ready to spill. I felt worthless. Self-pity was washing over me. The depression I was trying to subdue the whole week was compounded. The pain was sickening. I cried for 30 minutes while I was walking around the city. I cried a whole hour when I talked to our pastor’s wife. I cried again while I was cleaning the plates in church. When I went home I had a splitting headache. I took a 500mg-pain reliever and went to bed. The next day, I felt so much better. I need that cry—moreso, I need somebody I could cry on….
12 Jan 08
Praise be to God! There is always a value of keeping a journal. I believe you are keeping one. it identifies those moments when i saw myself very human, vulnerable, helpless. reading and revisiting those moments made me reflect that there were people who touched me and journeyed me while i was having those moments. and of course, it made me see the hand of God in my life.