Do you know your limits when discipling your child?

United States
January 15, 2008 1:47pm CST
My daughter is 18months old and I find myself getting loud with her when she is doing things that she knows is wrong. Don't get me wrong, I feel that I should show some aggression becasue this will help her understand that what she was doing to get punished, was wrong. But, I hear she's only a baby. And yes, I understand that, but I don't think I am being to rough on her. She has to start learning and is very smart. What are your thoughts?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@ersmommy1 (12595)
• United States
15 Jan 08
Not sure about Agression,First, try to think of it as setting limits rather than disciplining. Tell him no and state the rule, such as, "We do not throw toys at our friends." Be patient. You may need to repeat the same rule several times. Gradually, he'll begin to respect the rules you've set. Setting limits and sticking to them will offer your child a sense of structure. He may not immediately appreciate these boundaries, but in the long run he'll relish the sense of order.If your toddler is prepared to cooperate in a formal time-out — sitting where you put him and staying there until you say he can come back — it won't damage or traumatize him, but neither will it help him learn to behave better next time. What's more, giving a time-out to an 18-month-old (or even a 2-year-old) usually means carrying him to a chosen place and then finding some way to keep him there, often imprisoning him in his crib or behind a door he can't open.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 08
Well, I guess agression wasn't really the word. I just can notice that I have gotten louder with her and was looking for ways to help me from getting too loud at her.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Jan 08
18 months too young for being lound...i feel that you can be still more polite to tell her wat she was doing is wrong...jst try to keep things out of her reach and teach her while she is trying to reach them...
12 Feb 08
I believe you should not be loud at any age. Children learn from what they see and hear, whether at home or elsewhere. If we were to be yelling at them they would see this as appropriate behaviour and emulate it. I think a time out corner or chair is a good start and when the child settles down, then talk to them about the issue and how you felt about it ("made me feel sad etc.")and then, importantly let them know you love them.
• United States
27 Jan 08
The trouble with loudness is that it falls into the school of more punishment or sternness now is better. This line of thought is used by abusive parents to justify their actions. (The child did something wrong and the seriousness of punishment will get the message to sink in.) It is something to watch out for. Having lived through something like this, I can warn you to be sensitive to the child's emotional state. Eventually, in my childhood, I came to understand that at some point during any given day my dad was going to hit me or yell at me and there was no possibility of be behaving well enough to avoid this. You don't want your child to see you as a bully. Fairness, consistency, and praise would seem to be good. If you get a little loud occasionally, I wouldn't sweat it -- just try not to make it a frequent occurrence.
@gantwick (849)
• United States
22 Jan 08
I'm not sure if you've heard of the "Love & Logic" series of books, but I highly recommend them. I believe there is one geared toward toddlers. There are many ways to handle situations, but being calm and firm (and fair) seems to make quite an impact. Sometimes kids want an animated, agitated reaction and so they start pushing all the buttons to see what works. However, this results in putting the kid in charge (emotionally). My nephew found out early that one way to get his dad (my sister's husband) riled up was to say that pink was his (my nephew's) favorite color. Dad (a rough and tumble, ball-playing, rowdy-with-his-buddies kind of guy) would beg, cajole, yell, order, threaten no dessert, etc. to my nephew if he didn't change his mind about pink being his favorite color. My nephew persisted and milked it for all the attention he could get (especially in crowds and around grandparents). Finally (after a couple of years), my brother-in-law let the matter drop. Once the reactions stopped, my nephew finally confessed that blue was really his favorite color, and was all along. He just liked it when his dad's face got pink, because it looked so funny. Kids! Gotta love 'em!
@buster14 (122)
• Fiji
20 Jan 08
I have a 7yr old daughter who is very intelligent but sometimes can be annoying ifu know what I mean. Ithink that first rules must be laid down and that rule must be repeated time and again. Small disciplinary actions should be taken but not too much... eg.taking away priviledges like video games etc..... to be a good father being patient and alot of tolerance is needed and off course love.
• Philippines
20 Jan 08
For me i think at times it is necessary to express your feelings as a father on her and really make an impression on her that makes her not totally hate you but at least takes you seriously the next time out. Treating them like baby's will make her a bigheaded person when she's all grown up. Trust me, it will help both yourself and your daughter in the long run. Just don't overdo it.
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
19 Jan 08
"I feel that I should show some aggression becasue this will help her understand " No aggression isnt the way to go, being FIRM and CONSISTANT is better...Yes she may only be 18mths old BUT she is definately old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong or rather she is old enough to START grasping it...When my son was that age I would tap him on the butt, speak in a firm tone and was consistant about it as well as explaining WHY I'm reacting that way and it worked out just fine..
• United States
17 Jan 08
I Used to spank my neice and nephew when they did something wrong. well not everytime just when they did something they knew they weren't suppose to do like throw food or throw a hissy fit. But if they did something that i believed that they did not truly understand i would smack their hands and try to talk to them.
@bowtieguy (5917)
• United States
16 Jan 08
I used to pull my sons off to the side when they would act up and have a long decusion the both of them on what they did wrong and usualy give them a time out or take away certain privilages of theirs untill I though they had learned their lesson.