I really need your help on this one

@peedielyn (1207)
United States
January 15, 2008 8:22pm CST
One of my first posts was about my daughters guardian taking her. I was vague inthe description of what was actually going on. About 9 years ago I left my ex (wayne) after I got pregnant because he was abusive. I started seeing another guy (adam) just to get away and have somewhere to go. Anyhow, when his mother(Sue) heard I was pregnant she became abusive claiming that I had cheated on him with someone else. She was both physically and verbally abusive. Anyhow, adam and I went on our way and got a house together and decided to raise the baby. I eventually gave birth and Adams mom told him to sign the birth certificate. Not knowing my rights back then, I let him. A year later Wayne contacted me and told me that he wanted rights and I told him that he needed to take me to court. Let's just say that I forgave Sue for being an a**. When Eva turned 9 months old I got a full time job and needed a sitter. Sue was a certified care giver back then and was convienient. She came to me and adam two weeks into babysitting and told us to sign this waver of notice. When asked what it was for she told us that it would allow her to take Eva to get treated in case we couldn't get to the hospital in time. We agreed that was a good idea. Thanksgiving of that year would be the last time I would kiss her goodbye until 8 years later. Anyhow, adam and I split up because of the crap his mother had put me through. I later found out in March of the next year that on public record was adam and my signature along with guardianship papers. I fought long and hard to see her and see if I could get an attorney to save this situation. Everyone that I talked to said that they just couldn't touch a guardianship case, basically they were saying they couldn't prove me fit enough to take MY child back. I didn't get a chance at the case until december 2006. We have battled all of 2007 and still getting nowhere, in fact the court just notified us on December 4 of 2007 that I was completely compliant with everything they asked of me and could see no reason other than bonding that would keep me from my child. Here's the kicker: I have all the rights to that child but the guardian now custodian will not comply with the court orders. That last hearing was a contempt case (one of many) against Sue because of her refusal to abide by the court order. She didn't get convicted but instead I got my visits (that I am not getting) shortened. Now what doesn't make sense is that she's the one in trouble and I'm getting punished. Also if it helps the judge and her lawyer are best friends and cousins. What the hell is going on here???? Anyhow, the real question is how can I bond better with this child who I haven't known all these years? I love her to death and what little I have seen her, makes me want to know her more. I have tried calling her and sending her little notes and pictures of her other siblings, but Sue continues to stand in the way. Ihave more details if this post is still too vague. Please feel free to inquire. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
2 people like this
7 responses
• United States
16 Jan 08
Just to be clear why did you not see her for eight years? Your p[ost makes it sound like you waited for quite awhile to fight in court? Or am I miss reading your post? What state do you live in because all the guardianship papers I have dealt with in Arkansas require an attorney to fill out and must be signed in the precense of said attorney ( If it is mutual and only one lawyer is involved) I would think that at the very least a notary would have been mandatory. All that aside I think that the wheels of justice are turning very slow for you and sometimes they do. I would think of establishing a home in another county or state if you ever get physical custody. Maybe you should consult an attorney from a bigger city? Sounds like your in a small town or city? I wish I could help you more but I have seen stuff similar and it seems there is no good answer for the child.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
17 Jan 08
I live in ohio and the "wavor of notice" was a notice saying we waved our right to be informed of what we signed and no special delivery. She even kept it from getting published in the newspaper. I have been fighting out of court for 8 years, however, when I stopped paying 100 dollars a week just to peek at her through the window, she went to child support in Dec of '06. I am going now to add another one to the fire now. My lawyer is great but she's getting ignored too. I'll be back in a bit to finish the fine details with you all. Thank you for your response!
• United States
17 Jan 08
Keep fighting it sounds like you are caught up in the good ole boy system even all the way up there in Ohio. We thought we were going to face a similar problem with a child my brother fathered. The girl was trying to give the baby away to people she worked with at McDonalds! It was really God who helped us avert the problem because a good friend of mine is in the adoption network here and heard about it and we were able to get the maternal grandmother to help. Grandma is now raising the child.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
16 Jan 08
Hi there! I'm so sorry to hear about this unfortunate situation, but hopefully I can offer some help. I've never been in a situation like this, but judging by what you said, I have a few ideas that popped into my head while I was reading. First of all, I don't know if there's any way you could, but try to get another lawyer or judge on the case other than this "friend" of Sue's because that's pure bias what you're getting right now! Second, you were never legally married to Adam or anything like that. He just signed the birth certificate and that was it. They always give the mother custody of the child! I can't understand why they would take your daught away from you for over eight years now. That's ridiculous! Especially into her teen years, she will NEED a mother, and not Sue. Sue won't give her the things she needs that only a loving mother can provide for her. This just really saddens me that you're being put through this! Have you done anything to convince the courts that you're not fit to take care of a daughter? I find this a really strange case because of how things were handled on the legal end. My biggest bit of advice would be to NOT give up! You will see your daughter again. Just keep pushing for it. You can do whatever you put your mind to!! I know I'm not much of a legal whiz, but hopefully some of this will help you. Best wishes to you, my friend! Keep your head up and don't give in!!
• Canada
16 Jan 08
Just because she was never married to Adam doesn't mean that he doesn't have rights. He signed the childs birth certificate and has been there up till she was taken. He is bound by this as it was done legally. It is in the system as Adam being the father. They do not always give the mother custody of the child. You have to prove that you can provide a home, care and stability for that child. The courts don't care if you can provide love. As love doesn't hold up in court. Take Britney Spears for instance. She lost all rights to her 2 kids. "Sue won't give her the things she needs that only a loving mother can provide her." How can you make this statement when you know nothing about Sue and how she cares and provides for the child in question. I'm not defending her in anyway as I don't know her and I can't judge someone by this. Neither can you.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
28 Oct 08
Great points and thanks so much for BR! Good discussion. Take care, friend.
• India
24 Jan 08
Well I cant really be of any help but it seems your child is still with Sue. Cant you get Adam to get in a word with Sue about this. After she is his mother and at one point of time, Adam did speak of helping you out with the child. He just cant shrug off like this.
@vanities (11397)
• Davao, Philippines
16 Jan 08
that was tough and i feel sad for your predicament however i cant comment on the legal side ..for now i will pray for your success on the case and hope for your hapiness together with your children..
• United States
16 Jan 08
I could not imagine going through that. My kids are my life and I could not go a day with out seeing them let alone 8 years. I wish you well in your court battle. Dont quit fighting for what is right and let the girl know that you are fighting for her so she knows that she is loved.
@nichole1983 (1187)
• Canada
16 Jan 08
First and foremost you need a different judge. One that is not related to the defense. As you stated that you signed a waiver to this Sue woman. Right there you gave your rights up as a mother. You should of read it all even the fine print to what you are signing and something that is so important you should of made a copy. You are going to be fighting for along time on this one to say the least. You also said that you have all rights to the child. If you have all rights to this child the judge should be compelled to abide by this court order. You obviously are not getting anywhere with this judge and he is not doing his job. Get a new one file again keep filing till you get the child.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thank you for your imput. The only thing written or typed on that paper was just that wavor of notice. I didn't think about it until later when I told my dad what I did. He asked what all I signed and I told him nothing a peice of paper with the words Wavor of Notice and adams signature. Here's the twist the judge finally let me have the DNA test but right now since it was only on wayne, eva and me, adam and Wayne are both legal fathers to her. In the state of ohio yes custody goes to mom in an unmarried setup. In this case I still had LEGAL Custody but not physical since the guardian had that. Now, just recently they took that guardianship and terminated by adam and my request and just when I thought that I had my daughter (the visiting judge) said that she got temp. custody. It's a horrible mess. If I had known what I was signing in her kitchen that day, I would have eaten my own hand first. She pulled a fast one. Thank you for the advise.
• United States
16 Jan 08
This is a very sad story. This is sort of like my situation. I was in foster care last year and the court said that was aloud to have supervised visits with my mom but the lady that was giving care to me wouldn't let me. I feel you and your daughters situation. I would say you be strong and fight hard for your daughter. Do not give up.