Lost and Found Where Did I Leave My Confidence?

@wolfie34 (26791)
United Kingdom
January 16, 2008 6:51am CST
We all know if we lose or misplace something, usually 9 times out of 10 we will find, probably in the most unlikely or obvious places but it's annoying right! We spend time looking for the thing that refuses to come out and say hello I'm here!!!!! But what happens when you lose your confidence? Where do you find that? How do you go about finding lost confidence? It's certainly not under the bed, on the television or in the kitchen or closet! So where do you start looking for it? And more importantly how did you lose confidence in the first place?
5 people like this
15 responses
@balasri (26549)
• India
16 Jan 08
It needs a lot of humiliation or beatings in life to lose confidence.But a small victory will bring back all the confidence like a few drop of water to a drying grass.We should never give up.That drop of water will come from heaven anytime to everyone.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
Wise words as always my friend!
@balasri (26549)
• India
17 Jan 08
I doing well now with my own house,car and a decent bank balance and a running business.All these I have attained with my perseverance only.I have never lost the confidence in me. I know that I am good.I never cared for any punk underestimating me. My words were my experience.Wealth we have to earn but confidence is in born.I swear that these words come from my heart.
@maximax8 (30099)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
I think people lose confidence through failure, upset over an event, something ending like a relationship or negative thing happening to them. Some people can get up moving after an upsetting event but for other more sensitive people their confidence takes a bashing. If someone spends lots of time of a person that puts them down at every opportunity in what they say they will begin to question their ability to do anything around. It will be damaging for their confidence, self esteem and happiness. People find confidence from positive comments, praise, success in the things they do and having a harmonious relationships with people. It could be getting on well with family, friends and work colleagues. Confidence could return after a failed relationship after time to heal.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
Time does cure, it's been about 14 weeks now since I made the split from my ex, I am making very small steps, like going out again! Thinking about rejoining the gym and hopefully getting a new job, strength is from within it's just finding it and building again. Thanks my friend.
@maximax8 (30099)
• United Kingdom
17 Jan 08
That is great my friend, making small steps will hopefully take you a long way. You have made a wonderful start in 2008 and by 2009 you will probably be happier and have more confidence. I love to travel and like to feel safe when I visit a place. I have been to places that could be dangerous like Los Angeles, Nairobi and Jerusalem without any bad happening to me. I booked a flight to Mexico and then it got canceled due to a hurricane. So I quickly booked a flight to the Maldives. When I was attacked on a lonely beach there it knocked my confidence. It was scary going on my next trip and that was to Mexico, Belize and Guatemala. I felt nervous in the jungle area between the Mayan ruins. I kept turning around and checking if anyone was near me. Time does make you heal. Well done for splitting up from your nasty ex. You have done the right thing and soon you will be at gym again enjoying yourself. Take care.
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
Wolfie you loose it by People pulling you down all the time, calling you stupid and worse basically you loose it through Mental Abuse I did and it took 4 years to get it back to a certain extened the reason I say that is I have been made felt useless since my Illness, first by the Company that bullied me out of my Job that I was in for 8 years and then the ex husband telling my Kids that they will regret staying with a sick Mum but the Kids told him they where staying with me and they know they will not regret it But I do have it back to a certain degree which is down the Love of my Life and my Kids and of course my little Treasure Gissi It takes a while Sweetheart but it comes back Love you and a big Hug xxxxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
Mental abuse is a great killer and confidence is shot to pieces because that's how they want it, the controller, the manipulator and once destroyed it takes ages to rebuild, brick by brick. Love to you and especially my bessie mate Gissi xxxxx
@mummymo (23707)
16 Jan 08
My darling, dearest little brother I do hope that you are not talking about your present situation as I was so sure that you had regained a lot of your self esteem and confidence! I have lost all of minew at several times in the past , once when in an abusive marriage and then again when my mobility and health became such problems! I think both times it has been my family and friends who have helped me look in the right places and regain my lost confidence - people like you are the very people who helped me and there are others on here who helped me a lot as well - they know who they are! If you are struggling honey please let me know - I know I haven't been online much but I am always here for you and you know how to get in touch! Love and Hugs xxxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
I miss you heaps sis! I really do, and I know you're thinking of me as I am of you, I always ask weemam to give you an extra big wolfie hug from me xx
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
16 Jan 08
Whew! You certainly covered a lot of ground there, wolfie. I think we can lose confidence when we are around someone who constantly belittles us; also, if we fail at something that we have attempted to do. There lives inside us a desire to do well in everything we set out for. When things don't work out the way we planned, we often suffer a loss of self-esteem. When we are criticized by others, this also causes a loss of self-esteem. We need to be realistic about achieving our goals, and about pleasing others. Ultimately, it is not about pleasing others at all. Once lost, it is a step-by-step process to regain our self-confidence. We should set goals that are attainable for ourselves before we gradually work up to taking on something that requires a bit more effort. Don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back when you have done a good job of something. Little by little you will see your confidence reappear.
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
I guess I am always too hard on myself, my wise tutor once pointed that out to me, on many occasion! Thank you my wise friend!
@raydene (9874)
• United States
16 Jan 08
My Darlin Wolfie, If I was closer I would shake the stuffin out of you the hug you till you beg for mercy! You have come so far in the past year...don't go backward Sweets...Just look back at the old Wolf and see clearly the new one..You've come along way Baby...Be proud of what you have done and Doll KNOW that inside you have grown..Stand tall...head high..You are handsome...You are sweet..You are capable..You are special..Now say...I am a confidient man...I am a confidient man!...Just say it until you believe it Sweets!...Honey hang onto every step forward you have and will make ..do not look back no matter what..Read "Rich Dad Poor Dad" ..it's a business book but it will help you as a person..Email me Doll..I have an ebook just for you..my gift...Love u xoxoxoxox
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
I am confident, I am confident, I know it's all about positive retraining and getting rid of that old negative tape playing constantly in my head xxx (hope you like the kitty I sent ;0)
@williamjisir (22900)
• China
16 Jan 08
Hello dear wolfie. We have a saying that goes, "Stand up where you fall". I am sure that you will gain your confidence again from the very place where you lost your confidence. Life is too short for us to be in low spirits. We need to be happy and confident as long as possible. Blessed be, my dear wolfie.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 08
You are right my friend, life is too short and time goes quick, but time does make things easier for us.
@suspenseful (40314)
• Canada
16 Jan 08
Usually you loose your confidence because of what someone, an adult said that you were, when you were a kid. And it is not just one time, but many times. My father emotionally abused me so that meant I was lacking in confidence before I even started grade school. So the only way I could regain my confidence was to leave the situation and make friends other than the ones my parents were friends were of. That is what I did and away from the situation I have now gotten the confidence I never had before and discovered talents I did not know I had.
• United States
16 Jan 08
First of all there are many different ways you could lose your confidence, only you know the real reason you lost your confidence. So when this happens to a person they have to first realize the reasons for the lost confidence. Maybe someone makes fun of them all the time, or they just went through a bad breakup or lost a job. So then you have to think of positives for each one. Maybe you realize the person making fun of you were just hiding their insecurities, or that even though one relationship or job ended a better one can now begin. And then you learn from your mistakes so that if it ever happens again you can handle it without taking the blow to your confidence and self-esteem. No as for me, I try to always stay positive when it comes to myself and some people see me as conceited but its just my confidence. I believe in everything that I can do. No one can hurt my confidence but me :)
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
26 Apr 08
When I was young I was rather chubby and extremely shy. So shy that I'd sit in class and cry if I was called on. I got teased alot and b/c of that I withdrew even more. As I grew up I never grew out of it. I stayed withdrawn although by then ppl just called me quiet or shy. Then a few years ago, we became foster parents. I went to a meeting for one of our first kids and some of the things the caseworker was saying were outright lies. I was so shy I couldn't even speak up to correct her. Then I caught the eye of the kid and the look of helplessness was the same one that I was feeling. I opened my mouth and before I knew it I was standing up for this kid that I hardly knew. When the meeting was over, I was still shaking but I was slowly getting my confidence back. Over the next two years, I learned to speak up, fight back and have a voice. My Mom says I've changed...that I'm not her sweet little girl anymore though she still loves me like no other. Now, I do things that I never could have done before. I go in places by myself, speak up when I need something and argue if I'm right and their wrong. I still have self-esteem and self-image problems but I'm working on it...it's a long road. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@chrislotz (8200)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
You let someone take it away from you, or you get older and start to change your body image and not liking it. It's not something you can find in the closet or whatever, you need to find it within. Maybe change something in your life to help find yourself. I know you just broke up with an important relationship and it takes time to build your confidence back. Start doing more exercises and go out and make new friends.
@dta_kitty (192)
• India
17 Jan 08
Confidence is inside you.You definitely did not lose it at all.The very reason for you to have been looking for it shows that YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP. So you sure didn't lose it.It has been with you all along.You just didn't look at it.Its keeping you going even now.You feel like you've lost it because of the crowding negatives.Repeated failures and disappointments are the main cause, otherwise you will never easily lose anything you have.Its not very easy to be optimistic all the time, but to try to be doesn't hurt at all.Try not to take no for an answer and you'll most certainly win over all the negatives.Dont give up.Knowing you're not alone itself is a big positive.There are many people to back you up dont you think?Good luck.
16 Jan 08
Where do I find it? I'm not sure I do, deep down it's always around me and my son always helps me to realize it's not missing. I'm just hiding it :) I hate it but I always can manage to do something, normally walk around and go somewhere I can re-gain it.. LOL I know, it's no laughing matter but I'm the first to admit how horrible it can be. ~Joey
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
16 Jan 08
So....go behind you....retrace you steps and try to find out where you left it. I lost mine when I was married to an abusive man. I found it again years later when I started to follow my dream. It was rough because many opposed me stepping out of the box and being someone they didn't know..but it rebuilt my confidence!
@weemam (13377)
16 Jan 08
it isn't lost forever pal , it is only misplaced and you will find it soon , xxx