my friend always asks me to lie for her...
January 19, 2008 1:33am CST
what would you do if you were in my place? I have one thorn in my flesh and it is one of my closest friends, who does not share the same faith as I do. I met her through a work-related project and became friends with her before I became a Christian. Eventually, we became partners in many business transactions, all of which materialized because of her marketing skills and connections. In short, I owe her a huge amount of gratitude for all the money I earned through her and the opportunities that were opened to me because of her. She is a good friend—very loyal, very trusting, very generous, and very thoughtful, too. She is the kind that any other person would want to keep. And I love her dearly because we have gone through so many ups and downs in our lives. However, there is one thing I dislike in her, and that is dishonesty. She lies as to her whereabouts and her activities to almost everybody, including her lover. I also observed that she performs a lot of maneuvers in order to get things done her way, even if it means twisting facts for her favor. And in her mind she must be thinking that the most convenient way to go is to lie. Or that twisting the truth for one’s sake is not lying. Like when she wants to travel without getting her boyfriend jealous, she would find a reason why she can’t see him for several days. Then she would tell their common friends to cover up for her. She is so convinced that lying for a good cause is the right thing to do that there came a time when she reprimanded me for telling the truth to my boyfriend about another guy who was trying to pursue me at that time! She told me that we cannot be honest all the time as the truth can get us into trouble. And the sad thing is—I am not spared from her manipulations. She often asks me to lie for her, especially for her boyfriend. Every single time that she tells me to do that, I can’t say no because honestly, I don’t want to offend her. But I don’t say yes either. I JUST DON’T DO it, period! If you ask me why I don’t decline her request to her face, it is because I don’t want to lose the friendship and thus risk not being able to win her for Christ because I am also praying for her salvation. It’s not that I fear her more than I fear God but I have to act with wisdom if I am to woo her on the side of Jesus. Instead, I pray that God will deliver me from the compromising situations that my friend always leads me into. And all the time, God in His mercy does not allow me to get into trouble because of lying. In the end, I would not have to lie for my friend at all, as the situation that she is anticipating never comes or that her boyfriend doesn’t check on me at all. Oh, but I wish I wouldn't have to be put in that same predicament again. How about you? What do you think? take care and God bless you! :-)
3 people like this
20 Jan 08
OMG! I went through the very same experience only yesterday.I have seen that many non-believer friends of mine seem to very easily lie.My mom keeps telling me and warning me about this all the time saying, don't believe everything they say.They don't even think that it is a mistake.They feel that lies can be told for a valid cause or to work things for good.It so happens that when confronted, they have to lie all the more.Its almost disgusting.More than all that I feel so guilty and feel like I am being pricked by my conscience all the time.For them it doesn't matter at all.Its like another sentence in a normal conversation.Flows without any hesitation. In my case,I keep denying to do it.I also tell them to not put me in a situation where I have to lie for them.But even when I keep on denying, I feel bad about what my friend thinks of me ,just because I owe her a lot and finally when I do things in favor of her,the feeling is even worse whereas she is just relieved that a lie was told to cover things up.They have this quality only because they aren't saved.We have a problem with it only because we're saved. You have to continue praying for her change and salvation,but also we should not take His mercy for granted.Though he is more than willing to forgive every time,we have to climb up in the ladder towards perfection to be like HIM and not in the same step doing the same mistakes and asking forgiveness.Being friends does not also give the license to misuse salvation.I know how very tough it is to say no, but we have to take a step. Next time, try to stand firm saying that you will not do it.More than prayer etc, Salvation can be a possibility when she sees your life about how you are careful to not even make a little mistake.The light in you will definitely show some day and she will change.I think its worth losing a friend here to get hem into heaven.God Bless:)
20 Jan 08
Forgot this,also when people realize how they have been cheated.Things can go crazily wrong.No point defending your friend's behavior in that case.No truth can be hidden, every truth will definitely come out one day, and when it does, relationships can break for not having been true be it lover,friend,parents,colleagues etc.People will never trust her again.Also talk to her about it.Stop her from even getting there.Blessinz!
• United Arab Emirates
20 Jan 08
I feel that telling a lie for a good close friend is ok when it is really needed and it does not harm anyone. But, when it becomes a regular thing, then you have to give it a thought. It can ruin your relationship with others or may harm you in the long run. Give it a thought. Take care.
• Enumclaw, Washington
20 Jan 08
Tell her you will not lie for her anymore. You do not live your life that way, and if she needs to lie all the time, she can do it on her own. If she is truly a friend, she would care if she is making you feel uncomfortable being put in that position. People do not always know how you feel, especialy liars, most of them don't even care anyway they just use other people as tools to complete their dirty work. I was put in a position by my friend. She wanted me to cover up the affair she was having, and even use me for the lies- "we were shopping together" or "we were at a movie" when she was with the guy. I didn't even realize this until my husband said her husband was asking him what movie me and her went to. My husband came straight to me, and asked me what was going on, because he wasn't gonna be involved in any of that. Well, I had a chat with my friend and told her- The way she lives her life is up to her, but leave me out of the lies because I WON'T DO IT. She was mad at first, but I asked her how she would feel if I put her in that position. After about two weeks she called and apologized, and we are still friends. Just remember, What goes around comes around. My friend is now divorced, her husband left her for another woman!.....and I was there with the box of kleenex.
20 Jan 08
You Must make up your mind! Will you serve God or Man? You cannot serve both your girlfriend and your God. Your problems will be over when you can decide which one you want to be true to. Its as simple as that! God Bless!
19 Jan 08
There is also the lie of omission. You need to decide who is more important to you, God or your friend? I am not trying to condemn you or come down hard on you, because I know where you are coming from. But, I have learned that I have to concern myself with pleasing God first. How could you ever lose that way. If you are keeping her friendship by being indifferent to her lying and asking you to lie, this may be a test from God to show you your loyalty toward him. I am telling you, you will be much better off by telling her the truth. Let me give you an example. I will try to keep it short. I was applying for SSI, while I was living with my sister and her husband. He reccommended that I hire his friend, a crooked lawyer to help me. He took me down to meet this guy and I did not get a good vibe from him at all. He was too pushy and made me feel very uncomfortable. Finally, a few days later, my brother-in-law was bugging me about it and I told him, I am a Christian and I can not lie like that. I went on and pursued it without a lawyer. A few days before I was approved for SSI, my sister called me and told me that this lawyer had had a heart attack and dided. Believe me, if you focus on pleasing God only, everything else in your life will fall right into place. You don't owe this lady anything. You can be good to someone else for the good that she did for you. Thank her and stand up for your beliefs or move on.