I can't get over the past...Should I stay in this relationship?

India
January 25, 2008 4:46am CST
I can't get over the past...Should I stay in this relationship? We've been together for almost 6 yrs and have a 2 month old son together. When I was 2 months pregnant, I found out he was seeing another woman on the side and had her thinking he had just got out a relationship 2 months before. We were engaged and I was thinking everything was perfect b/c I was pregnant. Ever since our 3rd yr together he had been trying to cheat on me but I would always find out before it actually happened. And I would always take him back. But after this particular time I left him and we just recently got back together. At first I felt good about us getting back together b/c our child is here now. But now I just can't stop thinking about everything he's put me through. I cant stop bringing it up everytime we argue. And its making it hard to move on. He seems kind of sincere b/c he is moving from Seattle to where I am in Texas for us to move on with our lives. But I personally think he is just using me to be close to his son and to avoid me from putting child support
1 person likes this
10 responses
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
31 Jan 08
Hi dear u have to be clear about ur thoughts and ur emotions if u forgive him many times and this time u feel that he is sincere, then welcome him kid need both father and mother if he is moving, let him move sas far expense are concern, ask him to do job and u enjoy, house wie life take care, wish u all the best
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8200)
• Canada
29 Jan 08
If you truly feel that way why are you taking him back? You don't say anything about loving him or him telling you he loves you. You only mention your child together and that is not a good enough reason for you to settle with him. I thnk you can do better than that, and in the long run you would be happier getting on with your life instead of wasteing it on him. Once a cheater alwasy a cheater. I know because I was married to a cheater and he kept promising me he would change and I believed him and stayed for more abuse year after year. He cheated on me so many times that I finally gave up on us and kicked him to the curb. He is now cheating on his new wife. Again I know because I am friends with the other woman in his life and she tells me everything. So again, I say once a cheater always a cheater.
1 person likes this
25 Jan 08
Sinha from Texas Why are you in such a situation ? this Seattle gentleman is seeing other women back there ? Why cant you both move togather and get married ? And this Other man who has started staying apart from her wife recently ? How faithful are you to this seattle man ? This seems to be the time to decide. Seattle man or Texas Man
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@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
19 Feb 08
Well if you cant get over with the past why did you jump into another relationship you will just hurt the present so For me as a friend my advise is do it one by one and why dont you try to see whats the nice person you are with you just dont know maybe thats it and you cant just move on because you are stuck up with the old relationship. Evaluate my friend.
@MagicGuy (157)
• United States
18 Feb 08
Well, to be honest, you are not honest. Your profile says your are form Inda, but you are not. So, because neither one of you is an honest person (you cheated too) then it seems to me that you are both getting what you deserve. If you can't get over what he did to you after what you did to her (the other woman in your cheating affair) then you should move on. However, if you can get over yourself, then he does deserve a chance (maybe not he's a bonifide cheater). Sorry, to have to put it this way, but that's the way I see it.
@kwenge (2492)
• Kenya
31 Jan 08
The only thing I can advice you is that you follow your heart and gut feelings. It is your man and you know him better than even his own mother. Try to figure out whether his intentions of moving to texas are genuine or not. If you think they are not, then you are better off without him. Yes I know he has cheated on you over and over and you have taken him back over and over, if i tell you to trash him you might not heed to my advice. So weigh your options very well and do what you think is best for you and your son. If you take him back, make sure he commits to you. Let him take vows and everything, let him work hard to restore your trust to him. All the best.
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
26 Jan 08
Only you can make that decision but if you aren't happy in the relationship then why stay in it? The baby shouldn't be a deciding factor since he will see any kind of trouble between the 2 of you. If you are unhappy get out of the relationship, get out of it. There are better men out there who will take you with your son and without feeling a need to cheat on you at any time.
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
26 Jan 08
In most cases, once a cheater always a cheater. it doesn't sound to me like he's really committing to you and that maybe he's just trying to get closer to his son. If you can't move on and you can't forgive and forget what has happened in the past, then maybe you shouldn't be together. it's not good for you to argue in front of your child and if you always bring it up...it's probably best just to let things go. I've been in that situation before and it's hard to forgive someone when they break your heart that way. keep us posted though and good luck. God bless
@deebomb (15319)
• United States
25 Jan 08
In my opinion If I were you I would move on. You say he has been trying to see other women since you were together for three years. This man has a problem and will continue to seek other women. They don't change. If your feeling that he only wants to be with his son , You are probably right. So follow your instincts. They are usually right.
@maximax8 (30107)
• United Kingdom
25 Jan 08
This is a challenging question. I am not at all surprised that you are upset about your boyfriend cheating on you when you were pregnant. You haven't been able to let go of the past and bring this topic up when you argue. Perhaps you need to have a long and detailed conversation with your boyfriend. Is he ready to settle down and be faithful to you and be a good dad to your son? What are his thoughts on you two getting married? Him moving from Seattle to Texas shows some commitment. If you live with him for six months you are likely to be suspicious of his actions. He would have to prove that he won't have another affair and even if he doesn't you might not fully trust him. He wants to spend time with his son and he wants to be with you. I don't think it is a case of just trying to get out of paying child support. Good luck making the right decision and take care.