Desiree (a poem)
By scammerwear
@scammerwear (1433)
Singapore
January 28, 2008 2:11am CST
A small poem I wrote out of sudden inspiration. Please do leave a comment and suggest how I can improve it! If you like to write poems too, please do support this mylot interest by adding as your interest and submit all your works through it!
Desiree
=========
Desiree, I whispered into the winds
watching the twisted paths in the air
marked by the trail of the fallen
tattered and broken
How long has it been since
we danced through the night
our laughters fluttering between the stars
fearless and merry
Strange how we loved and vowed
to be together for all eternity
yet now threading different paths and lives
lost and forgotten
Perhaps as much as we loved each other
we loved ourselves much more
and seek freedom more then eternity
distance and proud
Here I blow a kiss into the winds
a small gift in remembrance
to a stranger I once knew and loved
hello and goodbye
2 people like this
4 responses
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
28 Jan 08
This is so beautiful! keep writing, keep sharing...
Love your play with words.
smiles....
1 person likes this
@scammerwear (1433)
• Singapore
28 Jan 08
Thank you mimpi1911, I'm glad you liked it :) I do hope you will enjoy my future works more!
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
28 Jan 08
You should sign up with other forums where your work would be appreciated more.
*smiles*
1 person likes this
@scammerwear (1433)
• Singapore
29 Jan 08
actually I haven't had much luck with finding a support forum, any suggestion? :)
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
28 Jan 08
I love those last lines of each stanza... especially "fearless and merry" ... it's odd the things that strike me sometimes, but this really did. Beautiful.
I'm not sure what to say about how you could improve it. I mean, there are little things, but not much.
For example: Should distance be distant since those are typically adjectives on the last line? But I'm guessing you meant to say distant in the first place and just wrote it wrong. :P
Honestly, I can't think of a way to improve upon the whole work, it's great!
1 person likes this
@scammerwear (1433)
• Singapore
29 Jan 08
Actually we're taught in English in schools, our 'mother tongue' (depending on which ethnic race you're registered as) is part of our education as well, just not the main focus.
I don't think I can write poetry in chinese...
@scammerwear (1433)
• Singapore
29 Jan 08
Distant for sure, my English sucks no? (Hey, I'm Chinese.. who suck in chinese...) Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it!
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I like it the way it is. If anything was changed, the 4th perhaps one doesn't flow quite the same as the others, but there is a change in feeling there and maybe it shouldn't. Take care
@scammerwear (1433)
• Singapore
29 Jan 08
Hmm... you might be right. Let me pounder on that more. Thanks writersedge!
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Scammerwear, I think it's completely lovely! It reminds me of a conversation I had recently with a friend about how people come into our lives and how wonderful it is while they're there, but they also leave our lives. And that's ok too. Billy Joel said in one of his songs, "so many faces in and out of our lives, some will last, some will just be now and then. Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes, I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again". I've had so many people come into and go out of my life and each one of them has made an impression of some kind, has touched my life and heart in some way, and I always try to take the best of what came, and let go when the time comes. That's kind of what that poem says to me. Even if I'm wrong about its' meaning, I truly enjoyed reading it. thank you so much for sharing it. Don't stop.
1 person likes this
@scammerwear (1433)
• Singapore
29 Jan 08
You are half right, part of the underling meaning is also about lost love :) People do come and go in our lives dun they? Thank you for encouragement! It means a lot to me to know that someone really likes my poem :)
