Relationship age differences....Do they Matter?

@SheraD3 (207)
United States
February 1, 2008 10:38pm CST
I've only been really deeply in love once and it was to a man that was 21 years older then me. I met him when I was 16 and He passed away in Feb 2005 when I was 20 and I've had a very hard time geting over it. Before he died people told me he should have known better then to be with me since I was so young, and people told me It wasn't right or normal for me to be so in love with someone that was so much older. Since he died, people said things to me like I shouldn't be so upset and grieve so much because the age difference and all I should move on and find a guy closer to my age. Well for a long time I couldn't imagine ever loving anyone again, but now that I feel like I could love again, I just wonder what other people feel about the age difference in relationships? I don't feel like age matters, I could love someone my age or older just depending on if they were right for me or not. But I would like oppinons here ....could you, or would you love someone that is much older or much younger then you?
3 people like this
8 responses
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
2 Feb 08
Honey quit listening to everyone. You know what was in your heart. I met my hubby when I was 18 and he was 38. We had almost 27 good years together before he passed away. If either of us would have listened to others, we would have missed out. I do hope you meet someone special again. I hope the same thing for myself. Take care and always follow your heart.
1 person likes this
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
2 Feb 08
Wow your post was really touching! 27 years...that is so special! Im very sorry for your loss! When I read posts like yours it really makes me feel so much better, you know what im going through....you've been through it already and yet everything worked out and you had 27 happy years and in my situation if he were still alive you make me confidient we would have gone on happy! I Thank you so much! and I hope you find someone special again to spend many more years with! And I will follow your advice and always follow my heart!
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
2 Feb 08
I am so happy that my response helped you. Hold your head up high and cherish your memories. Some people go thru life and never know what it is like to be loved or to love. Take care.
1 person likes this
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
2 Feb 08
Age doesn't matter for me and I've living with that adage since my hubby is 19 years older than me. FOr women, they tend to be attracted with older men since they seem to be more mature than our male peers. For me, the mental age and the emootional state of someone is more important than the biological age. I am in love with my husband because his views in life, the way he looks at things are way different from my male friends whose age are close to mine. I don't mind having a bf younger than me too, as long as our minds meet. I don;t wanna stoop down into a lower mental level just to make our relationship work. I want that we would both grow and not deteriorate while in a relationship.
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
2 Feb 08
It really makes me feel better seeing so many posts of people like you who understand why I would love someone so much older. Its obvious you understand how much easier it is to talk with someone older, they understand more and have been thru more in life and for me....he understood me better then anyone and listened and knew how to communicate with me....most likely because he was older and more mature then those my age.
@sugarfloss (2140)
• Malaysia
2 Feb 08
hello SheraD3,I believe age is just a number.And that Love is a powerful thing.I'm sorry about your loss.I know it's been 3 years and I understand you're still saddened by the loss.Take your time,don't force yourself to fall in love too soon or you might just hurt the man you might fall in love with.I've only dated a younger man once and I don't think I'll go out with anyone younger.I prefer older men now.They're much mature and more responsible in life,eg making decisions and in conversations.Again,age is just a number;)
• United States
2 Feb 08
well i like older men myself. me daughters father is 13 years older then me. i met him when i was 16 he was 31... but npw i look for guys more my age. only because i think of it this way.i wanna grow old with someone. and if i choose someone so much older then me im ganna still be not old when he is already old so it wouldnt work out. but others dont look at it like that and plus u really cant help who u fall in love with you know. it just happends.
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
2 Feb 08
yes I am still very much saddened by the loss! I am much better but I dont imagine myself ever being completly over it. But I very much appreciate your post...well both of you that posted above this. But Thank you for that information about taking my time in falling in love again. I know your very right about that!
@mlhuff12 (798)
• United States
3 Feb 08
There are always gonna be people questioning a couple with a huge age difference. But that must not determine whether you go further in the relationship, bout what other people think. If there is love, no matter how old or how young (unless underage) it is always worth seeing where it will go. Not doing that could be the biggest mistake that you have made in your whole life. And years later you will regret it. You must take chances with love, no matter what others think or say.
1 person likes this
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
4 Feb 08
Yes I think people will question everything especially things like big age differences. But I know your right about taking chances. Sometimes that feels like that hardest thing to do when getting over a loss. But I know that if I don't then good things may pass me by and your right...years later I will regret it. Thank you so much for your post!
@joyce959 (1561)
• Philippines
2 Feb 08
Age, religion, race, status in life don't really matter if you are really in love. Coz they said that love conquers all, so no matter how old is your partner, and whether other people are saying negative things about the relationship, you wont take heed.
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
2 Feb 08
Thank you for the post! If he were still alive I probably wouldn't be upset about people's negative rude comments....but now as I think of everything while missing him so much it hurts becuase he isn't here to remind me that what other people think doesn't matter. So that makes it harder to deal with. But I very much appreciate your reminder!
• China
2 Feb 08
I really want to love someone like my wife and my sun for my life. so the love just a strong feeling and if you love someone, you can do anything for him or her. so in my eye, the age is not important, just do it as you like. but in other hand, if someone like your age moved you, it also not a question, it just depending on the feeling love.
1 person likes this
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
2 Feb 08
I agree with you....I've never thought age was important. Some feel differently. My sister who is happily married and has been for 8 years to the love of her life feels differently then me...she say she could never imagine loving someone so much older then her. But she does not critisize me for it either, its just her personal feeling on the matter for herself. But I am of the oppinion like you...Age is not important. Love is the important part.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
2 Feb 08
The love of my life is 9 years older then me but he acts younger than me lol. I don't think age matters your as young or old as your heart feels. -Amberina
1 person likes this
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
2 Feb 08
I am very happy for you that you have the love of your life...I know the joy and feeling that comes with being with someone you love so much!...But I also know the un-describable empty feeling of pain and loss that comes with loosing them.... Cherish every second with him! And never been afraid to let him know that he is the love of your life! I wish you all the best and a relationship filled with love!
• Romania
18 Jun 08
I personally do not think that age really matters. For a teenager, I'd say 2 or 3 years difference is ok. For adults, I think it depends on several other factors. Some persons are really mature for their age, hence, age is not really a factor. For me, I usually date guys that are no more that 5 years older than I am. Right now, I'm 22 and I don't think I could go out with a 32 year old guy. He is probably more mature, is maybe ready to settle down, get married, have kids, etc. I'm not at that stage as yet. I still have school to think about, getting a good job, etc. I also want to have fun. It varies because, being 32 does not necessarily mean the person does not like to have fun. In the end, the two individuals should love each other and be able to have fun together and not constantly thinking about the age gap. When you're in love with someone, I think the age gap becomes secondary.