I need help with mom part two

United States
February 4, 2008 10:33pm CST
As some of you know mom is in a nursing home and told me that she is going to move out and live with a nurses aid. Mom thinks it is safe for her to stay by herself while this aid is at work. Mom has a history of falls and the last time she fall she had 20 stitches in her arm. Mom cannot get herself off the floor when she falls. She is also on a narcotic patch and morphine tabs twice a day. I feel with that heavy medications she is not safe to be left alone. Mom has a history of making up stories so I do not know if this is even true. Mom did give me this girls name who she is going to move in with. I went to the Administrator of the Nursing home today. When I told him what mom has told me he got up and called in the Director of Nurses and the Social Worker. They had heard that mom was moving but not who she was moving in with and where she was going. They assured me that if and when the time comes mom is to leave the nursing home they have to have the address and the person's name who mom is going to live with. If mom checks herself out against medical advise which is her option then it will mess up her Medicare and most of the time the doctor will dump her. I also explained to them that if this is a lie I do not want to get anyone in trouble I do not want to cause an aid to get fired over mom's lies. I also said that if mom is pressuring the aid and she needs an out then she can call me and I will tell her (the aid) I am against this and then it will be my fault mom cannot move. As much as I want mom off my back and as much as I would like mom to be happy I also want mom to be safe. She put me in charge of her care so this is what I am doing. I have also called her physician and explained the susiation to him and he is against her leaving. She did the tell her doctor she was moving but she did not tell him that she will be staying by herself most of the time. The Administrator also told me that when a patient leaves against medical advice they cannot come back to their facility and they also call adult protection agency. I was going to call adult protection agency for advice next if nothing works with this step and mom insists on leaving. The administrator told me there is not a policy of aids taking patients home to live with them the only reason he can think of why she would take mom home is to get mom's social security. The whole mess just upsets me to no end. I know I should not get so upset because it might be one big lie, it might be just a story so mom can convense me to bring her here. I cannot and will not being her here to my home. I cannot care for her any longer. I am sorry I am ranting and raving once again. Because when this is all said and done I will be the bad guy and I will be the one who will get chewed out. I am so sick of her crap. Sorry
3 responses
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I'm sorry that you're having to go through that. Maybe there is an easy way to find out the truth. If the girl works there, can't the administration just ask her if it's true? I would be suspicious of anyone who's not family suddenly wanting to take her home with her, especially if they were going to be leaving her alone. To me it sounds like they're after her meds and social security check. Is there a way that you can legally be named as her power of attorney for all health related issues? If so then she wouldn't have a choice to leave as the choice would be yours. Is there something about that home that she doesn't like? Could there be something funky going on there? My guess is something else is at hand and perhaps it's worth investigating. I hope you can get this all resolved soon and with the best outcome.
• United States
5 Feb 08
The DON and administrator are going to find out what is going on. The social worker is going to find out where mom is going to go so they can "set everything up"
• United States
5 Feb 08
Well maybe that girl will freak about everyone investigating and change her mind? I would think that they would have policies against the works randomly taking patients home with them. I mean it's not like they're there for fun and games, the people who live there are there because it's not safe for them to be somewhere without constant care. It's crazy that they don't have rules against that.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 08
They might have not now. If something happens to mom because of mom I might have to get nasty and she will not like it. I can be pretty nasty if I have to be. I also have two sisters who can back me up. They do not like mom but they will back me up. Our saying is "When you get one sister you get all three." That is for good things and bad things. My twin sister and older sister are very close.
• United States
5 Feb 08
First and foremost all nursing homes should have a discharge plan for the patient, and you have to be included in the process. If she has made you her POA they are to approve and discuss everything with you that concerns your mother and that included discharge. Second of all is your mother competant, what I mean is she able to make informed and knowledgeable decisions for herself? If not you may have to get a court order deeming her unable to make decisions for herself and as the POA you would then make the decisions. I would make it very clear to this nursing home that you expect this to be investigated. Why would a cna want to take on a elderly patient with frequent falls and other issues, that is not a relative of theirs. I find that highly suspicious indeed, unless of course your mom is fibbing and just delusional again grounds for a judge to say she is imcompetant. Best wishes
1 person likes this
• Brazil
6 Feb 08
make its parent quiet ! ta leaving her with a nurse? it has to be controled alert, careful!!
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 08
I think if it is true then the CNA wants her little bit of social security money. Mom cannot be left alone she is unsafe. Mom did call this evening I chose not to answer the phone. I am chicken and do not want to fight with her tonight. I so tired of her crap.
• Philippines
8 Feb 08
here in the Philippines, parents are very important to us. we value them so much to the point that we cannot allow ourselves to let them stay in the nursing home or the likes. they grow old with us. they still serve as important element in the family no matter what is their mental and physical state.No matter how old they are we took care of them. we always asked their words of wisdom, thoughts, their long experiences whenever big problems arises. and believe me,they are the ones who look over their grandchildren which brings back their joy, their youth, and their self worth. we cannot bear to abandon them even if will add expenses to ours.
• United States
8 Feb 08
Do the fillipno people allow their older generation to be physically abusive to their children who are trying to care for them? Mom has told me and my twin everyday of my life that she did not want us and did not like us. We where not charised so why should we charise her. She was a mean vedictive witch. I know you do not undersand how a child can stay such a mean thing about a parent but you probably had a mom who would give you the moon. I had a mom who would rather kick you to the moon then look at you.