Would You "Date" a Prisoner?
By jillmalitz
@jillmalitz (5131)
United States
February 6, 2008 9:25am CST
My son has a friend whom our family has known since they were in high school together. This guy is currently in prison charged with injury to a child. First of all none of us think he did anything. He was living with a girl and her two kids(not his) in a trailer which was in disrepair and had holes in the floor, etc. This girl never really wanted her kids and all I ever saw was warmth and kindness toward the children by the guy. At any rate my stepdaughter has been corresponding with him and now has informed us that she is "dating" him. How do you date a prisoner? Anyway her dad and I dont think this is a wise thing. I think she has a lot of empathy for him but may be misinterpreting her empathy, concern and pity for "love". We are hoping that it will fizzle out. She is 24 and he is 28. What would you think about this relationship?
2 people like this
3 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7578)
• Canada
6 Feb 08
As far as the age difference that's no big deal I'd be OK with that at their ages, but dating a prisoner would make me crazy with worry. If he's in prison chances aee just as good that he's not worth a hoot as the chance he's OK. There's always three sides to every story, his side, her side and the truth. The truth is you don't really know anyone till you live with them. I would never recommend dating a prisoner at any time.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
6 Feb 08
you are very right. The Only thing that makes me less worried about him is I have known him for years and been around him with the children. Of course he may have been on "good behavior" but my gut instinct is usually right and I dont think he did it. I have my own supicions. Never the less, his life is ruined. Sadly I dont think my stepdaughter has a realistic view of what would be required of him after he gets out- assuming he does.
@Grandmaof2 (7578)
• Canada
6 Feb 08
Very valid point and sadly sometimes people just don't think ahead long enough to see the big picture and it's not just young people it's everyone.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
6 Feb 08
I wouldn't be too concerned about this as if the guy is a long-term friend of the family and well-known to you all, then I doubt he would cause any bother to your stepdaughter. You said that none of you believes he caused injury to the child, and from the situation he was living in, I would imagine this might all have been a ploy to get some money out of him, or to allow a new friend to move in, in his absence.
Your stepdaughter is 24 and I'm sure she will be able to fathom out whether this guy, and indeed, whether her own feelings are genuine. As for the "dating", I guess it's much the same as an Internet relationship with somebody whom you already know. Perhaps she's had hidden feelings for him for a long time, and they've come to the surface with empathy. Whatever, if she knows him, trusts him, and is willing to be loyal to him, love will grow, whether it's there now, or not. I would leave this to run its course because at 24, she will regard any interference from you, as mistrust. She's a grown girl, my friend, and she'll work it out.
Brightest Blessings.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
6 Feb 08
Thanks for your input. We kind of think that way too. Who know when he will be parolled but I think she will tire of the relationship should he get out. She really has not stayed with a boyfriend for long to this point.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
7 Feb 08
She may well tire of the relationship by then, but on the other hand, don't be too surprised if it goes the other way. But, as I said before, she must learn her own lessons now, and know where she goes wrong, and where she has made a correct judgement. I'm sure she'll cope with whatever outcome pans out from this.
Take care.
@BabyNyn80 (1)
• United States
4 May 09
I know this is old, but I thought that I would respond to it anyways. I am interested to know if your stepdaughter is still "dating" the guy. I did the same thing... I "dated" someone that I grew up with that wound up in prison. I quickly learned that he was not the same guy. Prison changed him. Plus, it's not really something that can work because what is the inmate giving in the relationship. I was at low point in my life and he sensed it and made me feel good about myself. Fortunately, I was able to snap out of it really quick. Hopefully it's fizzled out like you hoped it would...
