My delima with Mom the ending

Oh, and one mmre thing. I read your post to my hubby and he strongly suggests that you also contact a lawyer. Sounds like you may need one. Hope I have given you some more food for thought and good luck with everything.

My concern is mom is still considered an adult and can sign her own papers. No one is stopping her from leaving there. She is not deemed imcomptent. In the USA they if they know there name and who the president is then they are deemed compatent to make their own decisions. I am considering on calling a lawyer to see what I can do. I will be going back to the administrator and asking them to set a policy to change things around there. I feel this is crule to do to mom. I was and am against them taking mom out of there. They should have called me first before talking to her. MOm and I do not have a good relationship but I hate to see her hurt and I hate to see her taken advantage of. Thanks for your advise.

No problem--wow--I am so glad it is different in Canada. Although my mother-in-law might know her name and who is prime minister and likely who is your presedent, as well, she is still deemed incopetent in that she can't do day to day things like dress herself, feed herself, stay awake for more than 10 minutes at a time, or even remember what she had for breakfast. I still don't understand, that if you signed your mom in and it is up to you to sign her out, how would they let others get away with signing her out? I am glad you are talking to the administrator and possibly even a lawyer. Good luck and may God Bless you and your family!

the DANG computer of my clients....

At least you can use your clients computer. ARe you a friend of Rozie she is a black girl? She posted a discussion yesterday and it came to my email yesterday 5 times so she really had a studdering problem. hahahahahahahahahaha

I see you studder just like the rest of us. hahahaha

I am glad that I did what I did. I will have to suffer some yelling from mom but oh well she needs to be safe. I hate to see her taken advantage of or abused.

I do not mean sue them for money, but to change that policy.

I do not think that I can get a lawyer and get anything out of the nursing home. I have looked at other nursing homes to move mom into. I have found two. One I like a lot but the rooms are so crowded I am not sure mom would like that. Mom has lots of crap she thinks she needs. I am going to discuss it with my sisters and see what they say. I wish they where around to help with mom. I have been taking care of her all by myself for 13 years and I am used up with this last bout. I have not been sleeping, when I am awake I am thinking on what is the best thing to do with mom. I do not want to see her upset or depressed but I also do not want to be played. Mom is good at mulpilation of me.

Rozie I am working on a change of policy so this does not happen to someone else

yes they should have gone to you then, tho considering your mother, she probably didn't tell them that you checked her in.

I signed mom in to the nursing home so I am the one who has to sign her out that is the policy of the hospital so I think the needed to talk to me before making all these plans with mom.

Mom told me that the one CNA did not want to move her unless I aprove the move. Why did't she call me? Oh well I well get it all straightened out. I will talk to mom today.

Oopps that should be...the only person who saw her the way she really was, was me. And to add. WHen my mother did finally sign the proxy, I went to her session with her therapist....I'm explaining how serious her emotional problems were, including her depression and he said the most stupid thing going..."Oh, your mother doesn't look very depressed to me." She was sitting next to me with this big smile on her face...you mean to tell me, he was basing his psycho-analytical evaluation she wasn't depressed cause she was smiling????? How stupid is that?

Okay...first let me ask you...besides depression is it possible that your mother is bipolar as well...I mean from what I'm gathering your mother must have swings in her moods from drastic "highs" to lows....in her "high" periods she feels she can do anything and be seemingly "positive" As for me being happier with my mother gone...what can I say, it's been like a great burden has been lifted off my shoulders....I don't have her interfering, sabotaging my life anymore which she was very skilled at doing, and at the time, all too many times didn't realize it. I think her greatest fear in life was the idea of being alone in life which was why she was so good at guilt trips with me....I think she inwardly knew she just plain couldn't handle responsibility...she never grew up in a way...so she dumped responsibilities off on others. I think somewhere along the line though you're really going to have to sever the ties between your mom and yourself, really, for your own peace of mind. I mean she's there in the nursing home...they are taking care of her, you shouldn't have to, not even to listen to her crap anymore. Lets face it...it sounds like your mother is doing a real guilt trip on you too.

There is nothing wrong with mom's mind. Mom has always made up stories but she is lucid. Mom refuses to go to any of the activies in the nursing home. She laies in bed all the time. She gets out of bed only to use the rest room and to shower. She only lets them shower her once a week. She is incontinent of urine. I think she is so groose not to let them bathe her. Mom use to make us stories when I was growing up. She would tell me stuff that my sister said about me or that a neighbor called and said they saw us girls doing. Then she would beat us for doing what ever she said we did. I think it was just a reason to beat us girls. I digress Mom is not moving. I stoped that and have had to deal with mom since then. She called me and wanted to get dad's address so she can demand he send her alamony. The almony was only for as long as she went to school and she never went to school and that was 24 years ago. I told mom to have one of her friends look him up on the internet. Mom then told me that her friends did EVERYTHING and could not find him. She told me that dad has hiddened all of his assets in Canada. I have to laugh because I found his name and for 1.95 could get his address on the internet. I know how to get ahold of him. I told her I would not give her the address because when I did that I would be getting involved and she was not getting me involved in her battle between her and dad. I also went to the administrator of the nursing home and told him that something needed to be done to the aid who was going to take mom home. Now that I know it was not a lie on mom's part. I wanted a policy written against aids taking patients home. If they could not write a policy then they need to do some sensitive trainning for their staff if they have a patient put them in position like this again. I want the staff to tell their charge nurse, DON or the social worker so that someone else can tell the patient no if the aid cannot. I told the administrator that I was the one who had to do all the worrying and then I was the one who had to pick up the pieces with mom. I was very angry and want this aid to be fired but I know I have no control over this. The administrator said he was going to call corporate and see what he can do because he was not happy about it either and he would get back to me. I have not heard from him since. It has been two weeks since I compalined to him. I have to confuse I hate mom for what she has done to us girls that I try to avoid her like the plague. I do not call her but every so often and I cringe when she calls me. I do what I have to to take care of her but I hate it. Mom was a physically and emotionally abusive to me and my sisters all of my life and I am tired of her crap. I have been taking care of her for 13 years and I am getting used up. Every few months she comes up with something because she has 24/7 to think of ways to get out of the nursing home or cause problems. Mom loves to get the aids fired and make up stories that they did to her. I never know what is true or not. God knows what she tells them about me. She has said things like "my daughter is sick and she never knows what she is saying" I will tell you I am taking care of myself and husband and she is not. Mom give up working and took to her bed at the age of 59 and refused to do anything for herself since then. Sorry I went off I have 49 years of rage.