Disgruntled New Housewife

Sound like you are a very unhappy person right now... and you definitely need a break... or time away from your husband or else you might fall apart... From what you wrote her... it seems like your husband is a selfish person concern only of himself and never thinks about you well being... but... can you think of a good side that made you fall in love with him?... i hope you still can... because if you can't think of any... i guess you have to re think the whole marriage thing...

i suggest to leave him temporarily, until he realizes all his wrongdoings. take your child with you. and the money in the bank is conjugal property, therefore, you have the right to use it. it is your legal right. if you are emotionally and financially able, talk to a good lawyer and ask him for an advice on what to do next so you can regain access to your own money. don't let the situation worsen, because he will not learn his lesson as is.

Sounds like a guy you dont need to be with. Sorry if you think that im being harsh but buying a car with you savings and him not talking about it with you first is not a normal thing for couples to be doing. Major purchases should be agreed on. And your daughter taking a nap at a different time should be ok and he can help out a bit till your feeling better...reading that disgusting me. talk to him about this and if he doesnt agree or snaps on you kick em out the door. sorry if i was a bit harsh in this discussion..plz dont take it offensivly

After reading this and all of the responses so far,I am not sure that I can tell you anything that hasn't already been said. However, your first priority is to you and your child. If you needed to let her sleep in order to help yourself get through the day, then you done what any mother would do. If he doesn't like it, tough luck! Also, if you are coughing up blood, please go to the doctor or the emergency room as you could have a serious problem and it sounds to me as your daughter needs you! Again if he doesn't like it, tough luck! Once you feel better, you need to tell him that you intend to get a job so that you have money of your own. I would sell that Dodge Caliber if it was bought with my money and I didn't want it. He had no right to spend your money without asking you about it. It sounds to me like he is a total JERK!! He is too controlling and you can't allow him to treat you like that. Save your money and GET OUT!!!!!

Sounds like he has you right where he wants you. YOu have allowed him to take over your entire life. YOu stopped a job he suggested you begin, you have allowed him to be on your bank account but God forbid he do that for you, he makes you do everything even while you are sick. Your not his wife, your his maid and nanny. If I were you, I would step up to the plate and take care of business. Don't let him make you feel less than you are because he is linguistic or for whatever reason. He dated you and married you for a reason. It also seems that he has been grooming you to be controlled by him. He built you up and now he has cut you down. And you are allowing him to do it. I have been in your situation and it took a long time to remove myself from it, it's hard but not impossible. Biggest thing is you can't let him push you aruond. Just tell him to shut up! When he starts with all of his crap, tell him you don't want to hear it and walk away. If he persists, just tell him if he doesn't like it leave! the bills are obviously in his name so it won't hurt you any. You have power, you just need to find it!

woooo honey, hmmm have i been there...first of all you already have gave him the authority to control you every move. such as he thinks if he tells you to do something and you dont do it ..he gets snappy then guess what you do it mostly because you dont want to hear the bull crap.then eventually its gonna turn into everything you do he's gonna control it in his own little way. but most of the time your not gonna see it until it gets to deep. but im thinking your starting to now. best thing to do is to put your foot down and say no or im not gonna do it, he gets mad let him move on like it doesnt bother you a bit. turn the tables around on him. its more like a mind control thing. hes playing child phycology on you. believe me ive had it done to me. if that dont seem to work make him realize you dont have to have him or be with him. snap his butt back to reality. that doesnt work move on. your gonna waiste most of your time trying to compromise with him and its not gonna work! hope ive helped..:)

I have read some of the responses that you have gotten and what you have responded with. You say your not in an abusive relationship, but you are. If he is controlling everything you do and getting snappy at you because you don't do something to his definition, then he is mentally abusing you, not to mention emotionally. You need to take control of your life. And stop defending a man who will just soon walk over you, instead of take care of you. There is a difference between controlling someone and taking care of someone. If you are going to allow him to continue what he is doing, then you can't complain and no one can help you. I'm not trying to be mean, but the fact is what it is. If you want to know what you should do, stand up and take back charge of your life. Let him know he is to treat you as an equal or hit the road.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but your husband sounds like a control freak who doesn't give a crap what you want. Unfortunately, these things often escalate. But for the sake of finding information, How long have you been married? How long were you together before marraige? is he verbally abusive? Have you spoken to him about your reservations? How old are you? I think you need to work if it's something you enjoy and he shouldn't stand in your way. My first husband tried that crap. He tried to make me quit my job. he tried to isolate me from my friends and family. He told me that I was a worthless tramp. Then he started hitting me. He's far out of my life now. Our son is 22 and so I have no reason to have to interact with him. Your situation just sounds toooo familiar. Please correct me if I am wrong.

If you are forced to quit your job, than you aren't in a good marriage. No person should be FORCED to do anything. If he didn't like your job, you should have discussed it together and come to a compromise TOGETHER. I don't think this relationship is going to last. And you have to stand up for yourself, because your husband (who I think is controlling and possibly abusive) is walking ALL over you. I am worried for you.

Hello Samantha, Wow, a lot of things have come at you ... Your sick, tired, unhappy and everything is so messed up...right? Looks like you need your friends, Mom,sister(s) or someone from church to give you a hand and you need to see a doctor. Once you are rested, you can talk and pray that your husband will listen and want to help.

Oh, sweetie! I've been there. Just after I gave birth and was on meds for the horrible C-section scar pain, I was in such mental turmoil Me and my honey argued all the time. It seemed he was always yelling at me for something. But thinking back about it now, I don't think he was. Sounds like your husband is being unreasonable. Maybe you should just go back to work and let him like it or lump it. And, if he leaves you, tell the judge everything and you'll get tons of child support, because he's an idiot. He should be kissing your feet cause you just thad his baby. As far as the baby goes, mine slept lots, waking up only for a little while. I don't know how old your baby is, but little babies sleep upwards of ten hours or more daily and nap throughout the day and night. I never found a way to let mine stay awake when she was less than four months old. Once she got to be two years old or three, she started having trouble sleeping at night if she napped during the day time. The only thing I can say is this. You're the mom, so you're in charge of your baby. Not your husband. No man! Only you. I don't care what country you live in. That baby is yours! Legally! Mentally! Spiritually! Bodily! That child belongs to you Not him. You are no longer just a wife or woman. You are someone's protector. You are a she-bear! You have to grow a good set of sharp teeth and bite his head off when he treats you like dirt. Only then will he respect you. He didn't give the baby a home in his body for nine months. So, he has no right to dictate to you when or how the baby is cared for. I went through the stage where i tried to cater to every whim of my man. I grew up very quickly when I realized that was not making him happy. And, I just started saying no! Just plain NO! If he hits you. Call the police and they will put him in jail. And, then go get your phone job back. And, please take him off your bank account ASAP! He doesn't deserve to be there. Start taking back your life. It doesn't get simpler than that. If he doesn't love you enough to stay with you, then he will leave even if you bow down and worship him daily. If he demands total submission, he most likely doesn't appreciate you for the special person you are. Just do what you feel is right for you and stop trying to please him. That's my advice. I'm sure you'll do what's right for your baby and you.

Coughing up blood is never a good sign, and the stress probably isn't helping you fight the infection. If I were in your place I would go find a counclor or a phychologist to have someone to vent/talk to. Someone who is on your side and may have contacts to help you figure out what to do and the best way to go about doing what you want/need to do.

Samanthavv when a husband treats you like that when you are ill I thinkl he does not reallylove you,my husband would never have acted that way. you need marriage counseling or and I say this guardedly you need a divorce.neither one of you seems happy the way you are going, perhaps a trial separation until you two can get all your differences ironed out. you need to get out an get a job, and a babysitter for your child. Also you need to have a separate bank account for your self. you should not have to ask him for money like a child. Your husband sounds abusive to me and I really think maybe you two do not belong together at all.

I think samanthavv you and your husband need to talk one on one.Tell him what bothers in your mind,be open to each other bcoz maybe oneday you find yourself you don't want him anymore and that is sooo sad if your marriage will be broken.Fix it while not worst yet and if he did not need any words from you then I think you think about it...maybe you just need a space to each other for the meantime.

How long have you been together, and/or married? How old are you and he? It sems that he has you right where he wants you now, and intends to keep you there, IN YOUR PLACE. Barefoot and pregnant. Oh, I'm very 'linguistic', but there are many other of my friends here that are even better than I am. Sparks, where is sparks? If/when she posts here, she is very well versed at the exact right words to say and not say to get your point accross. She has helped me on MANY occasions. She really is brilliant and I am lucky to call her my best friend. Let me see what I can think up, too, for you. Personally, my first reaction is that he is being a controlling A$$hole. I would take back at least some of your individuality. Go back and get the job you want and spend your own money as you see fit. Were you working at home? If so, a babysitter will barely be needed then, especially since you can set your own hours. I mean, I get it, you love the guy, so you want to be a good wife, show that you are loving, and supportive but you need a certain amount of respect back for that committment and trust you have been giving him. As for saying the EXACT right words, you can write something up, and edit it several times until you are certain it is JUST RIGHT, too, you know. And writing is sooo catharctic, too. Sometimes just writing things down (I have a Journal), somehow makes them clearer. Writing them here is a great start. It is an admission of sorts. A realization, too. And I just know I will not be the only one in support of you and offer you a helping hand. Do you have access to no funds at all in ANY bank account? If you do, JUST GO SHOPPING and buy something you need or want to make you feel good about yourself. I see nothing wrong with that unless you are financially strapped. I mean, you don't want to make a payment bounce. But yeah, the big question is......Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man who so OBVIOUSLY expects you to put up with him controlling your every move?

How old is your husband? I just read the last post about the update of your husband and yourself. I think if I know how old he is, then I can pretty much figure out the rest. How long have you guys been together, before you got married? I notice that you are 19 and you are obviously a young wife, so that in itself is a problem. Your marriage can still work, but you will have to be an adult and put away that wild streak, that most girls at your age have. When you decide to marry at a young age, you have to be more responsible and put aside your normal tendencies and be an adult.