what are the roles of a girlfriend to a boy?

Philippines
February 13, 2008 8:48am CST
i really do not understand the roles of a girlfriend..simply because i do not know the limitations and where to put myself...i don't know the meaning of privacy for my partner...is it really needed? my point of view with this privacy thing is that it is not necessary since you are both in a relationship therefore there should be no secrets at al... pls correct me if im wrong..im really puzzled with that privacy issue...
1 person likes this
4 responses
• United States
13 Feb 08
I have to ask, what kind of privacy are we talking about? There are many different types, bathroom privacy, personal things privacy, desire for personal space privacy...what kind of privacy are you talking about? If you want to know everything little detail about your boyfriend, then well, frankly you are going to lose some of the mystery of getting to know them over time. If you are worried that they are cheating, or that they are keeping things from you. Then you have to think about whether they are giving you a reason to mistrust them, or if it is your own insecurity that is fueling it. If you are talking about personal space privacy as in being in the bathroom at the same time, snooping through their personal things, looking in their wallet, and just other general curiosity type things...well stop being so nosy and you won't have a problem. Treat their personal space with the same respect you expect from them. I know I don't like my husband nosing through my things, not because I have anything to hide, but that it is just rude, if he wants something out of my purse ask me before going through it or ask me to get it! Things like personal journals, diaries, web journals, email, and other things are person things just like mail, and it is illegal to go through someone else's paper mail! Most times if we snoop into these things we are going to find things we don't want to see. My hubby has made the mistake of going through my personal paper journal and found many things he didn't like...so I said if he wants to know something ask me, but if he wants to get upset about a dream I had the other night about Brad Pitt...then stay out of my journal! Because that is mine, not something I share with him. He has his secrets and I have mine. I don't want to know what is going on through his head every moment of the day, just like he doesn't want to know mine. We have to have our personal space to be ourselves, to work out our own issues, and to have some piece of ourselves left out of the relationship. These types of secrets don't hurt a relationship, in fact they save many headaches from a relationship. Totally enmeshing ourself into someone's life is a sign of a co-dependent person. Usually this is a signal that the person has extremely low self esteem and doesn't trust that the other person loves or even likes them because they don't really like themselves. This can turn people off from being in a relationship with that type of person and it doesn't foster healthy relationships. So to answer your question a little better, what kind of privacy are we talking about here?
• Philippines
13 Feb 08
Privacy in relationships does not always have to refer to secrets that you are "bound" to tell each other. Privacy in relationships would also mean having time for yourself, a time for you to think independently on your own. I think that is the most common relationship problem nowadays, sometimes being in a relationship to some people would mean sharing everything. Well, that is good but sometimes this process wont help the two of you grow - maybe because you are constantly after what he/she thinks, what he/she is doing, what he/she is up to and all those stuff. Having a relationship does not mean acquiring the life of another. Relationship must grow in pure love and trust. If trust is not in the relationship -- it wont work dear, trust me. wink wink. Goodluck,
• India
13 Feb 08
Every men look for privacy when he is in a good relation until that becomes a bonded marriage relation. Afterall Love demands lot of adjustments. So if he wants privacy give him privacy
@rsa101 (22772)
• Philippines
13 Feb 08
I am a man and I would say I agree with you at some point. What he meant by privacy perhaps is you give him time of his own a space perhaps between you and him. What role is appropriate is not defined in actuality but from what I know love, trust and honesty are basic things you should consider in that relationship. That is why I agree with you that at some point he should be honest to you. With regards to your question about the privacy thing I could not really answer for that but I know he knows what he meant by it and I would advice that you seek answer from him and maybe device an agreement what that meant and if there are limitations on it.