how much time alone do you spend with your husband/wife

@aretha (2538)
United States
February 16, 2008 9:02am CST
In the past 8 years my hubby and i have never gone any place with out our kids. i have a hard time leaving my kids with other people. now my oldest is almost 8 and he will stay with others my youngest 2 are more comfortable with others so my cuz finally talked me in to going out this weekend with her and her boyfriend. so we where going to go out to dinner and a movie and maybe a couple drinks after. i had it set up with my sis-in-law to come to my house and watch the boys. i have been looking forward to this but also kind of scared. i was gonna do it though but now we don't have the money so we can't go. i think maybe me and the hubby need to get out without the kids. i know people that go out with out there kids all the time and it just seems wrong. so what do you do? do you and the hubby go out often or are you like us and have kids all the time? i want to hear what others do and how often they do things without their kids.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@gemini_rose (16257)
16 Feb 08
No we hardly ever go out without the kids either! Probably once every few months. I always think that the money I would spend on a night out for just me and my husband could be money to go towards a holiday or a day out for us all. We never get hardly any time without the kids, they are always about. I have never been one for leaving them with anyone, but if we do go out my eldest son will have them for me as he is 16 so its not too bad. People do need to have time alone without the kids and it is lovely to have some time together, but it is not something I am too bothered about, I enjoy us all going out as a family, its a lot more fun!
@aretha (2538)
• United States
18 Feb 08
i agree it is more fun to go out with all of us. i do however think me and my hubby could use some time alone. holidays and b-days are a pain because i end up doing it all. this year i would like to have my sister-in-law watch the boys for a day and the both of us that the day and go to the city x-mas shopping. normally my hubby watches them and i go with my cuz and aunt or all by myself. i think my hubby is missing out to because he don't know what we have gottin them. with me i know whats under the paper and i get more excited then the kids. and money is a big problem cuz we never have any and when we do i like to take the kids places they will enjoy too. it never really bothered me either but i think my hubby and i are growing apart and i really don't want that to happen.
@gemini_rose (16257)
18 Feb 08
I agree it is important, even if its only once every few weeks. But it is so hard when you have kids, I know all too well about the growing apart as me and my husband were growing apart a couple of years back and we nearly split, but luckily we saw what was happening, talked about it and managed to get things on track. We never seem to have any money either, and if there is money we would rather spend it on the kids than us. Maybe if you could get someone to have your children for a few hours you could make him a nice meal or something and just have a couple of quality hours together, if you grow apart too far, it will be harder to pull it back, but if you realise in time you can do something about it.
@kymommy72 (588)
• United States
17 Feb 08
We are the exact same way. My hubby and I haven't been out alone in three years since my son was born three years ago. Like you, it just seems wrong to go out and leave them behind. I figure there's no where I go that my kids can't come too ( we have 2 little ones now, a boy and a 3 month old girl ). People act like we are crazy because we never go anywhere with out them, kind of like we are doing something wrong. What?? You never go anywhere without your kids?? or Ohhh you can leave them home for once...that kind of thing...but to my way of thinking, before long they are going to be grown and not wanting to go places with old mom and dad. They will have thier friends and want to be out doing their own thing, so I am enjoying all the time I can with them now. You just do what feels right to you and your husband and if that means having the kids with you...then have them with you.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2538)
• United States
18 Feb 08
i know what you mean my oldest will be 8 in aug. and everyone used to say if you don't leave him now hes gona be that way forever. ha not at all if he has a chance to stay some place he stays. so as he is getting older he is finding he would rether stay at a friends then hang out with mom and dad.lol
@shaggin (50945)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I understand exactly how you feel! I love my kids so much and I love to be with them at all times. Once when my daughter was like 5 months old I left my daughter with my sister for a few hours while I took my dog to the vet in an emergency. And once when my daughter was about 2 I left my daughter with my husbands cousin that I trust completely and she watched her while my husband and I went to the movies and out to dinner. And although we had a nice time I did miss my daughter. She had a great time there. I have never left her with anyone else or left her other then those 2 times. She is 3 1/2 now and my son is 3 months old. I dont think I will leave them with a sitter for along time I just dont have any reason to. I like to do things as a family. It would be a lot easier to go shopping by myself or with my husband and not the kids but that wouldnt be as fun for me. My daughter loves shopping and doing things together as much as I do.
@aretha (2538)
• United States
18 Feb 08
i have gone shopping once alone with no kids but my hubby had the kids so it wasn't a big deal. i would like to have my sis-in-law watch them this year so we can go x-mas shopping together. i normally do all the x-mas shopping by myself and i think my hubby would enjoy it too. i do alot of shopping for holidays and b-days online because its easier. i really sucks going shopping all day for x-mas alone. i never really felt the need to leave my kids behind either but at this point i think my and hubby could use some time.
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
16 Feb 08
When I was married to my ex and had kids at home, for the most part they were either with us or we didn't go anywhere. But it wasn't because I wouldn't leave them with anyone else, just couldn't afford it. Now, they are both out on their own, I've been divorced for 4 years, but have been in a new relationship for 3 years, he has a 14 year old but she's only with us every other weekend, so going on trips or just out to dinner is not really an issue.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2538)
• United States
18 Feb 08
money is a big problem with us too. i know i could get people to watch them and i would not have to worry about money to pay them but the money to go out would be a problem. my sis-in-law was going to watch them and she wouldn't charge anything but i watch her son when she needs me to. i do have a problem trusting some people though. about the only eprson i would leave all three of my kids with is my sis-in-law. my oldest is at the point he will stay at peoples house cuz he wants to but i feel ok with that until bed then i miss him and want to tuck him in. he has stayed at my in-laws the past to nights and he won't be home until around 5 tonight. i was going to call last night before bed just to say good night but i was afraid if i did then he might think about it and want to come home. or i could just be fooling myself and he wouldn't even want to take the time to atlk to me.lol
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I spend very little time alone with him. Most of the time the kids are with us. I have a son in a wheelchair and my mom used to offer to keep him for a while, but now he is getting too big for her to handle. No one else even offers. I guess they are too uncomfortable with it. We still could use a little alone time once in a while.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2538)
• United States
17 Feb 08
gotta love them moms. i know if my mom where still here it would be different. i trusted her alot and she was alive until my oldest was 2 and i had left him with her a couple times. i think what it would be like some times if she was still here and i think they would beg to stay with her so time for husband and wife wouldn't be a problem. thanks a bunch
• Indonesia
16 Feb 08
Since I haven't got a wife, I can't help you :) But if I'm a husband, I will very appreciate my wife if she get time for me. Because she isn't only a mother, she is still a wife. Of course, I'm not only a father, I'm still her husband.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2538)
• United States
17 Feb 08
yes and hopefully we can get on track and start being a husband and a wife again and not just mom and dad. thanks a bunch
@o2bfree (226)
• United States
16 Feb 08
It is very important for you and your hubby to go out without the kiddos on occasion. Once a week would be optimal even if it was for dessert and coffee, if only for an hour. You need that time to stay connected as a couple and not just as parents. Then maybe once a month try having a romantic evening out, with the possibility of coming home to NO children with the house all to yourselves. You sound like a wonderful mother and should not worry in the least about expecting to have some time for yourself. I learned this the hard way...15 yrs and three children later I found myself divorced. We lost touch with each other.... My Best to you and your family ; )
@aretha (2538)
• United States
17 Feb 08
i think it would be hard to get out that often without kids. i don't have many people that would watch them or i trust enough to watch them. my in-laws will keep my oldest but not my 3and 1 year old. my sister in-law i trust to watch them here cuz her bf is a jerk to her son and she lives in his parents house so they would be stuck in one room. and if i don't know them that well i wouldn't even think of leaving my kids with them. i have to really trust them. i would like to try to get out at least once a month though i think it would be good for us. thanks a bunch
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
17 Feb 08
It's not wrong at long. You also need to go out once in a while "alone". A simple stroll in the park, with just the two of you would rekindle those times when he was still courting you or we were still dating. The bond that started on a date must be kept that way - take a drive with just the two of you, walk along the beach, watch the sunset together, dine out, etc... It doesn't have to be expensive but what matters is that you'll spend time together the way it was when you don't have kids yet. If you are thinking about your kids, maybe you can make arrangements with your cuz or anyone whom you can entrust your kids. Or if you have grown ups already, let them handle their sibling. Goodluck!