A rant from another discussion

United States
February 24, 2008 7:57pm CST
Ok so yesterday I responded to a discussion about a controlling boyfriend. So today I was on here and I was looking at other responses to the discussion. And it really amazed me as to how many females actually ask for permission from their husband/boyfriend if they can do something. I find it mind blowing that grown women actually need to ask permission to go out with their friends for a girls night out.. ow many of you actually ask permission to go out?
2 people like this
12 responses
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Ya know what, I was one of those women for a long time. I wasn't "allowed" to go with my friends or my sisters (they were single so of course I was going to pick up men!). Of course he never had to ask my permission... It did take a while before I realized this was pretty stupid and I didn't want to live that way, but I have no clue why I thought it was acceptable while it was going on...
• United States
28 Feb 08
Thank goodness it was a long time ago and not now. Not allowed to go out with you sisters. Thats just crazy. I can see why he's now gone and out of your life. Yea I know what your saying he never asked. I had an ex like that. He would be so insecure about me going out, and I would be told I was ignorant if I did not tell him when I was going out and what I was doing while I was out. He would always want a complete run down when I came home. But if he wanted to go out it was a different story. If I would ask who did you go out with, mind you I wasn;t even being nosey i was just making conversation I would get I was just hanging out with that guys and that would be it, end of subject. It is not way to live, and we only put up with it at the time because we are blinded by love and other feelings and just keep telling ourselves that it's gone to be fine. Until that day that we finally wake up and realize how foolish we actually are being for thinking it was ok.
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
28 Feb 08
It's so strange when I think about it, that I would think that was ok. But, like you said, we're so blinded by our love (infatuation really) that we just don't see it.
@gemini_rose (16192)
25 Feb 08
You are right, sometimes it amazes me that this happens too, I mean when you are a grown adult the days of having to ask for permission should be over. You go out as and when you want when you are single, so why does it change when you become involved with someone, why suddenly do you have to go from being an independant person to living life in someone elses pocket. I would hate to have to ask permission to go anywhere, I am married but we try to have a little bit of our own lives so that we dont become one person who cannot do or say anything without having to consult the other.
• United States
28 Feb 08
I must admit though I am guilty of letting this happen to me before. I was a teenager so I did not know any better. The only thoughts that crossed my mind was how much in love with him that I thought I was. But I am 26 now. I have not had to asked permission from my own parents in the longest time. So there is not way that a man is gonna tell me that I am not allowed to go out. And thats great that you and the hubby try to do your own things every now and than. It makes the relationship healthier when there is some time apart
@elemental69 (1562)
• Ireland
25 Feb 08
I have to admit that I would ask my husband if it is okay to go on a night out, but it is for one simple reason.... We have four kids and dont get to go out together. So it means that one of us would have to stay at home and mind the kids while the other goes out. And that works the other way around too. It has nothing to do with being possesive or controlling. Just being respectful and considerate. :-)
• United States
28 Feb 08
which is quite understanding. Some circumstances change the whole aspect of this. When you have children and hardly go out in the first place because you's are home with the little ones most of the time I would guess that when you and him actually can get away you and your hubby want to go out together.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I don't ask permission but I do let Hubby know what I'm doing and what my plans are. He's disabled and can't get around much so if I'm going to be gone all day we kind of have to prepare ahead of time. However, my ex was controlling like that...wanting me to ask all the time. I did it, not b/c I felt I needed his permission but b/c otherwise we'd fight like crazy when I got home. Thankfully that's a thing of the past. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
• United States
28 Feb 08
I've been there before with the jealous boyfriend. and it will never happen again. I can see if there is already premade plans but every time is just crazy.
@jal1948 (1360)
• India
25 Feb 08
husbands/boyfriends tend to be overly possesive when it comes to the girl friends night out as they fear that somewhere there may be a boy involved whom the girl may get involved with or the fear that some of the friends could be lesbians and initiate the girl into something which could take her away from the boy/husband.men are basically insecure.But they should learn to trust their partners to do the right thing and give them their freedom.
• United States
28 Feb 08
yes they do become possessive but let it be them who want to go out. Than it's completely different. They go by a double standard what isn't ok for us to do is perfectly fine for them. I am by no means bashing all men. Because all men are not like this.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
25 Feb 08
hmm.. its something that is really serious i guess. we may have said so many things about women's revolution. But we have not still come out of the closet. Its still men dominated society i guess.
• United States
28 Feb 08
wow I have never even thought of it from that perspective of women's revolution. This does kind of take us back to cave man times asking permission. You make a good point
@ledouxs (64)
• Canada
25 Feb 08
I also ask permission to do things. My fiance brings in the income while I stay at home and raise our kids but I ask him if I could buy certain things. I don't see anything wrong with that it's his hard earn money what gives me the right to take it and spend it how I please. But to ask to go out I'm not so sure depending on the situation I guess maybe he had something planned for the two of you. I don't like controlling people anymore than the next but sometimes asking to do or for something doesn't hurt.
• United States
28 Feb 08
I can defiently see your point about the money and all. So much has to go to keeping the house hold going. What I am talking about is if you want to go out and hang around with your girlfriends. Do you have to ask permission to go out and spend time with your friends?
@ersmommy1 (12597)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I just answered a discussion from someone about this. Her comment is basically she lied in order to avoid an argument and gain "permission". This is always shocking to me. Now, given that I am a married woman with a child arrangements for the care of the child has to be agreed upon. Or if I want to go out solo with friends for coffee or whatever I do check my husbands schedule, make sure he will be avalable before making alternate arrangements. But I let my hubby know I will be going out and when. I don't ask if I may go.I have parents. And I don't ask permission from them. Why? I am an adult. I make my own decisions since I started living under my own roof. I hope my daghter may ask advice, buthave the ability to make own decisions.
• United States
25 Feb 08
I know actually asking permission just sounds so absurd to me. If I wanna go out I'm gonna go out. My boyfriend is not gonna tell me no, and if he did he wouldn;t be my boyfriend now more. It's like these men are trying to take a fatherly position with these women. And these women are letting them get away with it. Yes I am always considerate and make sure my boyfriend doesn;t have anything planned for that night. But i'm not about to stay in just because he doesn;t want me around no one else. Men like this are just insecure and posessive. It just really angers me to see that women actually let there boyfriend or husband control them like this.
• United States
26 Feb 08
It's not really that you ask permission; if you REALLY want to do something your going to do it regardless. It's just that you ask your partner whether it's ok with them that you do something and how they feel about it.
• United States
26 Feb 08
I married when I was 35 and had a very independent life and career before that. I have actually had to work at being more thoughtful about how my partner feels about things that effect us both. We also have a son now. I don't just make plans to go out with my girlfriends one night without asking him first....it is not so much permission as being thoughtful of other the other person's needs. When I visit my family & stay with them I do the same thing. I tell them my plans and give them the opportunity to have input. I'm sharing a space with them...its the least I can do. I really have had to work at this....I was so used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted and spending as much money on this as I wanted. Now however, it is not just me to think about. We share a life so it is right that I keep my partner in on the plans!
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
25 Feb 08
ask for permition HA that would be the day that would never come. Before we got together (me and my husband) I told him that I would never take any form of abuse, cheating and runing the house 100% on my own and told him to take it or live it. My father in law (his father) told my husband that if I ever complain that one of these 3 things happen he would deal with that him self. The only time I ask to go out is when my parents cant look after my son and I ask him to look after him. When our son was a baby my husband was in the army. When he came home for the weekend I left my son with him to go out with my friends (during the day). Anyway our son kept crying and he didnt know what to do so he got him dressed and took him out for a walk for 2 hours :). When we got home I asked him why didnt he call me to come back he told me that I needed the break and needed to have some fun as well.
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
25 Feb 08
I was in a bad relationship for years where i had to ask to stop any 'trouble'.Mostly i was told 'no' so i hardly even asked and had a miserable time.i guess i was conditioned that way as i put up with that life for so long. Even now,i'm in a fantastic relationship and catch myself asking if i can do something.My husband isn't controlling at all.Growing up as well,asking 'permission' was a huge thing at home when i was young.I've never been able to shake it off.