What is your reaction....

Netherlands
February 25, 2008 1:30pm CST
when you are compare to your sister or brother by other people?your brother or sister has many good qualities. Well, I experienced that since I was a teenager. People loved my older sister because she had all the good qualities. They always compared me to her. She had all the positive sides and I had the negative sides. They said that I'm the older sister not her. They appreciated her a lot. My sister looked at me as a loser. She's a dominant person. Through all the comparisons. I have a low self-esteem, no self-confidence. The worst thing is that I believed I was the most ugly person in the world. I had all the insecurities. I was so negative for many years of my life. I took myself very down. It was no good at all. My family also had little attention on me. I thought I was a mistake. That I don't have purpose on this earth. My insecurities ate me alive. I don't looked those things as challenge. I carried all those pains for several years. I was very hurt. I cried a lot. Because I pitied myself. Until I went to other place to work. Then I slowly changed the way I think. With other people who cared for me. I realized that it's not the end of the world to change. To be positive and look at the bright sides. Don't listen to other people what they think of you. They don't know that you're special, unique, talented, creative, valuable and a good person. Ignore them and go on with your life. What's important is that you'll improve yourself everyday. Be thankful to have another day of your life. Be happy.
1 person likes this
7 responses
• Norway
26 Feb 08
i had a similiar experience growing up. my sister and i look alike but thats where it stops. she has a vibrant personality and i was the quiet one. always living in her shadow. since i went to university, i got some self respect back.
• Netherlands
28 Feb 08
Look at the bright side and be positive. Everyone is important.
@nowment (1758)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I can understand what you are saying, and it is tough, my sister was the pretty one, I was the mouthy one, my sister was the nice one, I was the mouthy one. I spoke up for myself, see I was the more dominate of the two of us, and for the most part my sister and I had a good relationship. I did have more balance in that since I looked like mom's side of the family dad's side of the family disowned from the day I came home from the hospital, however my mother's attitude was you are treating both of my kids the same and if you can't then you don't need to be around them. Yet it still remained, with many family members. I was born with a natural sense of selfworth so I was lucky. However that constant comparison that finds you lacking can wear you down over time. My sister was the good one, I was the one who got into things I shouldn't. Hey I was curious. Unfortunately parents, and or other family members expect children to be whomever they are directed to be by the adults around them. Just because children are children and young, doesn't mean they are not individuals with some ideas traits and preverences of their own. No one in my family was a vegitarian my niece didn't eat meat, so we didn't force it. She does now, but it had never been a forced issue. In the case of my sister she and mom were so much alike it was hard for mom to understand why I was so different. She accepted me for this difference however there were times when she wondered why I couldn't be just like her and my sister. It is unfortunate that you did not have someone around to help balance things out for you, one person can make a difference, I had that one person in my grandmother. It is something that most people forget, that children are people, ok they are small people and have a lot to learn, but hey I have a lot to learn, unfortunately there has to often been those who have the care of children and do not realize they are not pet animals to sit, stay, heel, but individuals with minds, and perceptions. It is a shame that you had been hurt so, on the other hand you found the strength to turn it around, and you can take pride in knowing that whatever good you have made of you life you have done it on your own, though your own strength of character, which is a fine accomplishment, you could have just given up, and you didn't. It also gives you the chance through understanding what it is like to not have been treated right to turn it around and to always treat others with courtesy, and tolerance for their differences. You know one of life's greatest wisdoms, that your happiness comes from within yourself, and that is how you can then find it to be in balance with others. If you are not familiar with the George Benson song The Greatest Love Of All you may want to try to find it. one of the lines is "... no matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity..." even if you were lost for a while when you were younger, you know you found who you are and found value in that. Congrats it sounds like you found the greatest love of all. dessa
• Netherlands
26 Feb 08
Thanks a lot! I want to cry. It gives me relief. Though I change I can't forget it. It had a mark/scar in my heart. That it can't be taken away. I'm moving forward. Have a nice day!
• United States
25 Feb 08
Im sorry that you had to go through that. I kinda know the feeling. It wasnt as bad. But I try not to let it get to me. I know what I have and what they dont or whichever. My sisters have good qaulities but they also have bad. No one is perfect.
• Netherlands
26 Feb 08
Thanks, you're right everyone has it's own qualities. No one is perfect.
@alcazar (761)
• India
9 Jun 08
well...that not a good thing to do...there are different people in this world...and these are the people with whom we share the blood and in need they are the first people who ll come to help ....i will not do that in anyway....no matter how they are ...my siblings are unique to me...
@cutie143 (215)
• Philippines
8 Jun 08
I had also experienced that. However, i take it as a challenge. As long as you do your best, you can be better than them. Each one of us is unique. Besides, we are the same in God's eye. If you think you do the right thing, go for it and be happy. Life is short! Make the most of it..
• Norway
6 Jun 08
I can`t stand being compared to anyone. I don`t know what the point is to compare people anyway, will that change anything? If someone says to me that my sister is taller/more talented/prettier than me, would it automaticly make me taller? Prettier? More talented? No way. However it WOULD make me feel short, ugly and worthless. Why would anyone want to do that to someone? Why should you feel like you`re in a competition with yor brother or sister? I thoght the goal of any parents was to have their children love eachother and find support in eachother as they grow up, not to compeed... But that`s my opinion:)
@Elixiress (3887)
6 Jun 08
No that has never happened to me as I am the first sibling, so my sister gets compared to me. You may think it is unfair, but the second sibling gets it easier if the first sibling is all great. My sister is aloud out a lot later than I was and is aloud more freedom and stuff like that.