Anxiously waiting for a call from the school....
By foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
United States
February 26, 2008 10:41am CST
This is most likely the final chapter in the ongoing battle about my 17 year old step son's school attendance. It has been a long year of him staying home from school over every little thing he could think of (if he so much as sneezed he'd say he was sick) and when all else failed he'd just argue and refuse to get out of bed.
Well 48 full days of missed school later plus a lot of partial days, the school is deciding today whether or not they will withdraw him. Since he's over 16 he's not legally required to attend school so they can and most likely will tell him that since he obviously doesn't want to be there, he can just stay home for good.
The school year JUST passed the 100 day mark earlier in February so he's basically missed half the year already! His grades are shot so even if they keep him he'll fail for the year and end up being almost 20 when he graduates...if he can get through 2 more years of school anyway.
He's made it clear he doesn't want to finish school and would rather drop out and get his GED. Now, I'm not putting down anyone with a GED...it's just not the same. I know it basically counts the same but it's just so aggrivating that a smart kid with essentially no responsibilities could just throw away his opportunity to go to school, have a senior trip, prom, graduation...all because he doesn't "feel like going".
I had a baby my junior year and I still graduated with my high school diploma a full semester AHEAD of my original graduating class. And this kid just wants to drop out...We have looked into getting him into GED classes right away so he can at least have that. And he says he will try really hard for that...we'll see.
So I sit here waiting for that call from the school telling me what they decided. Not that it matters, I think he'll quit even if they tell him he can stay. And his mother and I both suspect that he and his girlfriend are not trying to prevent a family of their own from starting. Yes, we have both had long talks with him about this but...
So there was my rant/frustrations/update on him...whatever you want to call it! Will let you all know how it turns out!
7 people like this
9 responses
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I was pregnant my senior year, but was determined to graduate and fought it even when they didn't want me to graduate. I graduated 3 months after my class did because of fighting to graduate. It takes determination and if he doesn't have it, then maybe it's best just to let him get his GED. Sometimes it's better than to have them in school until they are twenty when most likely he wouldn't even finish anyways. As far as him trying to have a family, i really hope he doesn't yet. the truth is, if school is to much for him he's not gonna be able to have a child and fully be a parent to him/her. children are much more difficult and take much more time than something as easy as finishing school...i feel sorry for you, i know you have to be overwhelmed and heartbroken to see how much he doesn't care about things, but i'll be praying foryou and keep us posted. God bless
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Thanks so much! It is heartbreaking. He and his girlfriend only see the "playing house" part of having a family. She comes over and does his laundry, cleans his room, they make "meals" together and play with my youngest baby...and think it's just so fun and cute. They can't seem to grasp the concept of what it all really means. They think that since they've both been older siblings to little ones that they know everything about babies and can handle it all. And even when we give them the tough questions like...how are you going to buy diapers on minimum wage plus pay a baby sitter (since I've said I would watch a baby for them to work and/or finish school but not for free since I'm a SAHM anyway) and food, rent, doctor's bills, medicine and so forth....the answer is always well we'll just get help from welfare and (his) mom and her parents too. *rolling my eyes*...we're all busy trying to raise our own children already and don't need a grandchild to support too. Of course they don't think it will cost THAT much anyway. Of course we'll all be ther to help out but a baby needs so much more than love and money and I just don't see how either of them have the maturity for parenthood. But like many teenagers, you can't tell them anything...No call from the school yet but it's snowing so school let out early. I guess it'll be tomorrow. I really do think a GED is the better way to go with him, I just wish things were different.
2 people like this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Wow, if only they knew just how much a baby does cost. It's really sad to hear them say that they would just turn to welfare. I'm not against welfare, but when you use that as your main source, it's just wrong. I'm so sorry that your having to go through all of this. It's alot different having a child and raising that child than to just sit around and play house all day with your baby. I know your heartbroken, but hopefully even if they aren't preventing it from happening she won't get pregnant. They definitely aren't mature enough yet to have a family and I think they would both end up regretting it or expecting to much from your side and her side of the family that it would either drain you or just make you madder than crap. They need to figure out what their future holds before bringing a child into the world. Unless your filthy rich, you can't ever afford to have a baby, but they are definitely blessings done in the right way and the right time. he needs to get his GED and get a good job and her as well so that they will be able to at least support each other. any way you think they would wait until at least then? probably not, i know, but it's worth a talking to about. i'll keep you in my prayers. keep us posted. God bless
1 person likes this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I was the same way as him. I got lucky and things fell into place for me. I graduated and got a job. I can relate to him and not wanting to go to school I didn't either. You need to set some ground rules right now. If he drops out then this is the way it has to be.... If it was my kid heres what my rules would be:
1. You must get your GED in this amount of time.
2. You need to get a real job.
3. You will pay this much in rent. (your an adult now)
a note to number 3 I would keep that money in a savings account for him and when its time for him to move out he will be that much ahead, and not even know it.
4. You will still go by the rules of the house.
I would give a time limit on this and if its not accomplished then he will have to leave. Its called tuff love but its for the best. You have to tell him if he is going to make an adult decision and drop out then you are going to be treated like an adult.
Now on the other side. If they school says he can stay and thats what you as his parent decied is what is going to happen. On the morning that he doesn't want to get out of bed walk away and call the truency officer. (most schools have them or can tell you who to call) Let your son know your serious. You are the adult so act like it. You can MAKE him do what you want till he is 18. Good luck please keep us updated.
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Sorry if I offened you in that last paragraph. I didn't mean to and after I posted it I re read it and thought it could be taken wrong. Anyway Bring in the hose - its cold here in PA spray him with water that will surly wake him up. I would contact your local police department and ask about a truency officer. They may help you even if they don't have one. Its tuff love just remember that. As for dad not enforcing rules, well its only going to make things worse if he doesn't. By the way I would come over at 6am and kick his a$$ for you but I'm a little to far lol.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I totally agree with you about the rules! Unfortunately hid dad is way too...well way too "a lot of things" to enforce anything but that's another story....
As for the truency officer thing, we don't have that around here. We took away all kinds of priveledges when he wouldn't go to school but he didn't care. And I don't mean any offence by this next part but...I know we are the adults and he is the child but if you know how to actually get a stubborn 6 foot tall 17 year old out of bed and onto a school bus feel free to come to our house every morning at 6 am and do it because we obviously don't know how. *shrugs*
2 people like this
@ldybgsgma99 (798)
• United States
26 Feb 08
My son was the same way. He missed a lot of school and they labeled him and sent him to a special school which he refused to attend. He finally dropped out. I told him straight up that I was not going to have a dropout in my family and he better figure something out. We found a school that he could do at home. He got credit for the courses he had passed in highschool and got his high school diploma from home. I never had any trouble getting him to do his homework or anything. He just hated going to the public school. The name of the program that he attended was American School and they do have a website. It is a good program and they even offer courses to get them ready for college. It is not a GED, it is a high school diploma. They are accredited.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Wow, thanks! I'll have to look into that! We don't have any "alternative" schools here...except in the case of delinquents in trouble with the law...so his only other options would be to move in with his girlfriend and enroll in her high school which we already gave a BIG NO to, or move 3 hours away to his mom's but she says her apartment is way to small and the school there is even more academic than his here...yet his younger sister is a straight A student in the same grade.
You must be really proud of your son for working so hard for his diploma. I totally understand about hating regular school. I was the same way but for me it was at least better than being home...
2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
27 Feb 08
Hey foxyfire, if I am not too late, tell your step son this story..My daughter went to a vocational school and her best friends home school for some reason didn't tell her correctly that she didn't have enough credits to graduate..So instead of walking with her classmates, she had to take a night class last summer to get her diploma.
Now because when she fills out an application for a job, she can't put down that she graduated with her class, she writes that she took a night class to get her diploma. Now this girl is smart, but she thinks that because she didn't graduated with her class, the places she is applying for a job, are not hiring her..
This is speculation, not that this is fact, but I believe to graduate with your class may look much better on a resume than a GED..
@Chey1970 (1186)
• United States
26 Feb 08
From reading your discussion I can clearly see you aren't too impressed with any of it, and can completely understand that. However if he isn't attending school, he wouldn't be able to graduate anyways. And from lack of interest in attending, why is he still enrolled? I know a GED isn't as grand as watching your child walk across the stage to receive their high school diploma, but it seems in this case a GED would be better than no degree at all. Sorry to hear of your situation. good luck with it all.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Well exactly. I don't see the point in the school letting him stay either since he'll probably just be in this situation again soon anyway. It's just frustrating that it's come to this. As long as he has a diploma in the end, whethwer it's high school or GED, I don't see the difference. It's just all the other stuff that he's throwing away...thinking this is the easy way out.
2 people like this
@creative_angel312 (390)
• United States
27 Feb 08
You have to understand that yeah, your son may be smart, but highschool may not be for him. Everyone has a different way to learn (look it up) and his school may not apply to his type of learning. He may be really great at tests but lousy at homework or vice versa. If he believes that high school isn't the place for him, at least he's showing some sign of responsibility and opting to get his GED. It may not be as special as walking across a stage and being handed his diploma, but maybe that type of thing is not important to him.
2 people like this
@AJ1952Chats (2331)
• Anderson, Indiana
27 Feb 08
I'm with you on this one, creative_angel312!
It isn't HOW you become educated that's so important but that you DO get an education.
This young man obviously doesn't feel as if he's getting much out of high school and was probably just biding his time until something like this happened that would make it easier for him to say that traditional high school wasn't for him.
You actually have to learn more to pass a GED than you do to pass traditional high school, so your stepson is actually going to be getting a more thorough education.
What you and your husband have got to do is to change your thinking on GEDs and do nothing but stand behind him and encourage him in this quest.
Once he passes his GED, he'll be just as much as a college graduate as any of those kids in caps 'n' gowns attending a ceremony.
Think positive and have confidence in this decision he's made!!!
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
26 Feb 08
It sure sounds like you've got your hands full with this situation. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I've heard from all kinds of parents who are in the same situation, so you are not alone. I am not a parent myself, but I have a number of friends who are in this same situation.
1 person likes this
@terri0824 (5203)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I know how you feel about this one! My youngest daughter will be turning 19 in May and has yet to get her diploma or GED. She keeps flip flopping back and forth, not sure what she wants to do. At this point, I don't care which one she gets, just as long as she gets one of them.
