February 26, 2008 12:12pm CST
My best friend is temporarily in Portugal and her boyfriend is here. They have been together about a year and a half. I know ALOT about they're relationship of course, as she is a close friend. I even know a lot of things I shouldn't. He's lied to her, cheated on her, and lied some more, and I was going to be a good friend and tell her when she got back. i don't want to be the one to ruin they're relationship but I feel that i shouldn't let a close friend suffer and live a lie when i know the truth. GET THIS.. she spread the word and she didn't want her boyfriend hanging out with me and my boyfriend (who WAS his best friend as well) and she stated she did not trust him with us. Basically she doesn't trust me. Little does she know, her boy friend cheated on her WITH GIRLS THAT SHE KNOWS. So if she shouldn't be trusting anyone, it shouldn't be me. You can't call someone your best friend and not trust them. It doesn't make any since. So basically I haven't really talked to her since then and I was wondering if i should tell her anyways or should I just forget about it and keep it within myself considering she backstabed me by not trusting me to begin with. What are your thoughts, what should I do? Tell her? or not? Please be honest, this is a real situation that i'm having a serious dilema dealing with. Thanks all.
2 people like this
26 Feb 08
I strongly suggest that you keep out. No matter what you tell this girl she is going to take all her anger and frustration out on you and you may push her into forgiving him just so that she doesnt have to admit that you are right. I think it is best that she finds this out for herself and if asked just say you know nothing. I know its hard to stand back and watch your friend getting walked over but just remember that he could easily twist this and say that you are jealous and making up stories just to get your friend back. Everyone makes mistakes when it comes to men myself included and it is always best to find that out for yourself instead of feeling ashamed or embarressed that she didnt work it out for herself. Just remember that if she comes crying to you that she was a close friend and that you should forgive her and be there for her even if that is not what you wanna do. I wish you good luck,.
3 Mar 08
That is what I am doing now, keeping out. Your are also right, she is taking all her anger and frustration out on me and it is already pushing her into believing him and to not understanding that I am right. She was really close to finding out for herself, but then things backfired. Her boyfriend realized that things were very rocky and that he should "come clean" so he told her a little 5 second story that got her all worked up for a week and now she thinks hes always honest, when really it's the complete opposite. He is probably not thinking that I am jealous, but he is thinking that I backstabbed HIM and that i set him up into making her believe something was up with him, which is not the truth. I did not mention a word to her, even when she asked my honest opinion. I just told her, to keep her cool, relax, and that things would work out if theyre really suppossed too. She was a close friend, and maybe she is, but i guess only time will tell. She told more then one person she did not trust me and my boyfriend with herman and that makes me feel alot of anger and hate towards her. If only she knew what a real friend I am trying to be, and doing what I feel is the best thing to do. Thank you very much for your response, and thanks for the luck, I will need it!
6 Mar 08
Something you said there really should be emphasised. "only time will tell" So just bide your time, keep out and when things all come crashing around her whatever you do don't tell her I told you so, or you knew he was bad from the start. Just give her loads of choc and tissues. My best friends boyfriend is a 1st class w@nker. So patronising and mr know it all and is really changing her but I am just going to keep quiet.
• United States
4 Mar 08
So she is your best friend? Then why would you not want to tell her. This is how I look at friendship. Knowing you no all of this. How hard will it to be to look at her when her and the boy friend is together. (That would kill me), to be that dishonest to a friend. Everyone is saying what if she does not believe you. Then so be it. I would rather be honest and pay my dues as to what comes about it. That is the problem to many people keep there mouth shut, and people just let it go. That is not a true friend to me. No for a fact that this is going on, do not start something that has no truth or just from hear say.
5 Mar 08
Well, actually i "thought" she was my best friend. But how can you call someone your bestfriend and not trust them. She clearly said she did not trust him with me, and that is extremely disrespectful to me because of the relationship we did have with one another. Right now, she is in Portugal and her boyfriend is here. My boyfriend and I do not communicate with him anymore so we do not see him. And as for her, she might not ever come back at all, as of now, she does not even know wen or if she will be back. But when she does, if she does, I will deal with that when the time comes, and of course I will deal with things when she is back. I don't really think it's being dishonest because like I said she is all the way in Portugal, what am I going to do, call her up and tell her about 30 things about her man that she probably wouldn't want to know. She is dealing with ALOT of family problems which is why she is where she is right now (Portugal). I actually think I'm being a good friend by not telling her, because if I did call her up and do so, I think she would probably kill herself. I do not want to be the one who ruins they';re relationship. She has been told alot of things about him by others, not including myself, and she sais she loves him, and trusts him. In other words, his word means more then anyone elses because she "loves" him. What you think is being a dishonest friend is something completely different to myself, as well as others might have their own perspectives. If she doesn't believe me, then you are right, so be it. But she might, and I do have visual proof as well as other people who have witnessed many, many things that he has done. I am not lying, I am being honest. I did not tell her anything otherwise about him, so I'm not really being dishonest. No, I wouldn't "start something" that has no truth. I'm not one to start things with others, or spread things around. I keep to myself, which is why EVERYONE I know comes to me,and tells me everything about their lives and whatnot. I am very trustworthy person, believe me, I do not start anything for no reason. Anf you are kind of contradicting yourself by telling me not to start anything, because if I do call her up and tell her everything, I will be starting something extremely huge with both our friendship, and their relationship. And not only that, all the people involved, and who also know and are keeping it from her, will all become involved and I'm sure many problems will arrise from such a thing. Thanks for your response anywais.
26 Feb 08
Honest, it's not your place to tell her. What you can do is either this 1) Stay out of it and lose your relationship with her 2) Talk to her boyfriend and tell him that you're not going to be hanging out with them anymore till he comes clean because sitting in a room with both of them is uncomfortable, and it's not fair that he's putting you in that situation to lie. Just because you're not telling her doesn't mean you're lying, it's just knowing that he's betraying her, that's enough there. Once he's told her they can figure things out on their own, and then maybe she will trust you again. Maybe he's put ideas in her head not to trust you? Who knows
3 Mar 08
Yes, I understand it is not my place to tell her. But she is (or was) my best friend. But she is across the world right now, it's not like I can just call her up and fill her in through the phone without her totally freaking out. I am staying out of it, and feel like my relationship with her is dying. I have tried talking to him, but he doesn't understand. He is, and always will be a liar and a cheater. I have known him for almost as long as I have been living, he has dating more then one of my close friends so i really do know all about him. I know that if i dont tell her, it doesn't mean Im lying, but I just feel Like I can be fixing something, when its really not my place to do so. Yeah, they will work things out on their own. Maybe when she comes back things will be normal again, who knows.