I really thought they were my friends......

@snoopy04 (718)
United States
February 27, 2008 9:27am CST
You never really know who your friends are until something happens and you really need a shoulder to cry on. My husband and I found out last week that my three year old Logan has autism. We knew he had developmental problems and was slower than children his age but doctors havent been able to diagnose exactly what he had. But we were able to find a specialist who told us that Logan does have a form of autism and what to expect. So I decided to have a barbeque with some of our closet friends because I just needed some support and some shoulders to cry on. I was telling our friends what the doctors said and that it was a relief to know what was wrong with Logan. We were finally given a answer to a question we have been asking for a very long time. Wellwhen I told my friends what was going on alot of them decided it was time to leave. When I asked them why they said they didnt want to hear my sad story and that I only wanted them to feel sorry for me. Two of other so called friendsleft and told me that they didnt want their kids around Logan because their kids may start acting like Logan. They didnt want their kids hanging around with some retardo. It could warp their kids developmental growth. But for the most part most of our friends were just uncomfortable with the idea of my son being autistic. They said he could become violet and hurt one of their kids or if we had a playdate at their house he could throw a fit and destroy their personael property. I cried alot because it really hurt to know that these people were supposed to be our dearest and closest friends. But four friends stayed and we asked them if they had a problem with Logan and our situation and they said no. Logan is not a threat or a danger and that he was the sweetest little boy they have ever meet. One couple is going to help us find support groups and other families with autistic kids as well. I am glad to know who my real friends are and who will give us the support when we need it. If you found out your friends child had a disability,would you still be their friend or would you use that as a reason to no longer associate with them?
8 people like this
19 responses
• United States
27 Feb 08
Well, I would be friends with the family and the child along with my son. But I would not want to leave the kids alone together without my eyes on them. Just incase something goes wrong so I can help tend to them if needed. The only thing about this situation is that I would never leave them alone in your house with you unless I knew you where gonna be watching them closely. Ya know part of it is getting to know what kinda people and family and ethics that you go by to. Just an opionion don't shoot!
• United States
27 Feb 08
Sounds to me like you needed to get rid of those "friends" anyways. Obviously they only care about themselves. You should be very happy that you have those four friends that stayed. I've discovered that as adults, we have very few true friends, those that will stand by us through thick and thin. I'm very glad that you know what is the matter with Logan, and hope that you are able to find the right treatments to help him. Good luck!
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
5 Mar 08
That sounds a little weird... I don't know why anyone would act that way. Doesn't make sense. Anyway, you don't need friends like that. I'm a mother of a 2 year old who was recently diagnosed with Autism and my family and friends accept it. He has therapy once a week and is doing good. It will take a lot of work. Right now, you need to focus on your child and don't worry what others say. They just need a little more education on the whole thing. By the way, my little boy is as sweet as they get and I believe yours is as well... don't listen to the others.. Your son will be okay... its not all that bad, trust me... Faith & Hope is all you need...
1 person likes this
@yannycui (376)
• China
28 Feb 08
Don't be dispointed about the attitudes of some of your ex-friends. It really takes a long time to find who is your real friend.When you find them, stick to them. Some years before I had a very bad experience. Some of my so-called friends left me, and some come much cleaser. Don't feel sorry for that. That is the shortcomings of humanbeing.
1 person likes this
@heart143 (1202)
• Philippines
28 Feb 08
Hello! How's you'r dear Logan doing right now? I hope he is okay. As a parent, I know how you feel and how your heart broke upon knowing your child's condition. But don't worry too much...everything will be okay. Maybe God has other plans for you and Logan. Be strong because Logan needs you. It's good to know also that the "friends" you thought you have are not really your friends at all. They are not worth your friendship. Not all people are like your false friends who would just leave you in times you needed them most. If you lost them, many will still come...new friends...better friends. Good luck! Keep it up for Logan. God bless
• United States
4 Mar 08
I'm so sorry your "friends" responded that way! (((HUGS))) dealing with autism is very hard, and unfortunatley there's a lot of misinformation out there on autism. A lot of people have this idea in their heads of "what autism looks like," and it's just not an all-around truth. Granted, some kids with autism are violent, but most that I've worked with are not. I would definately advise looking into a local autism support group. There you can connect with other families who are experience a lot of the same things as you. Also look into your local feat.org for help about resources in your area. In the meantime, it's very important to come up with a treatment plan for your little one. You could go to bacb.com to find a behavior analyst (BCBA) who could help with that. 3 is the perfect age to begin a program. You will also be able to get some services (like speech and maybe occupation therapy) from the local school for free. Just contact the district and tell them your child has autism and someone there will help you with everything. Good luck in this trying time of life. Things will get better, but it won't always be easy. Please let me know if you need some more help.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
27 Feb 08
Unfortunately, that happens, although they were very cruel about it. I cannot believe they had enough gutts to say that to your face. My son has CP and our friends just slowly disappeared. They never said anything bad to us, just became extremely busy. You will find new friends, that will be able to make you feel more comfortable and give you the proper support you need. It is sad that they treated you so badly. You will definitely find out who your true friends are. Alot of them may be a little uncomfortable at first, but will come around. They just are not sure what to say, or do to help, so they stay away. I would never desert a friend.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5016)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I would want to be an even better friend. These people are definitely not your friends. They seem to be pretty ignorant about autism too. From my understanding most children with autism are not aggressive rather they tend to withdraw. Might be more worried about their children "becoming violent". I think its great that the four stayed and are trying to help you. That's what friends are suppose to do. These other people will reap what they sow. We all do.
1 person likes this
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
27 Feb 08
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I think if any of my friends had a child that was autisitc or developmentally delayed we'd still be friends. I know I had friends who had developmental disabilities when I was younger. I wasn't going to stop being friends with them just because they were different. Nor am I going to stop being friends with my friends just because their children may have issues. I don't think they were true friends at all and truth be told you're better off without them.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I read your discussion and had to pick up my jaw off my desk!! I can't believe the gall of these people!! How in the world could ANYBODY act in such a manner is beyond me. I'm so sorry hon. It's NOT your fault. I guess in a way it's best to find out who your real friends are but gosh, what a way to find out. Hope the road gets better going from here on out. Best of wishes and luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 08
If you even considered people like that to be friends then their leaving was a blessing for you! I can't believe some people! that just burns me up!! those people, sweetie, are jerks! and complete a$ses! and THAT'S being nice! We all have fair weathered friends , either in our past or in our present but rest assure they are scattered all throughout our future. class act jerks like the ones that you once called friend are growing in numbers by the day. Don't let this get you down, your son only has autism, your friends have a bad and often incurable case of ignorance and immaturity! My best friend has a daughter who was born with autism and she had her moments that would just wear her poor mommy out! I would go over and take Cassie out for a little while and actually got to know her and how she responded to certain things and what captured her attention... and I developed such a close bond with her. Cassie was sent to a special school before she was even old enough for regular school.. Cassie couldn't talk at the time and would get so upset, wanting to communicate that it would throw her into tantrums... these special teachers worked with her endlessly and today Cassie is a beautiful (very sweet) 14 year old that attends regular high school and has many success stories that she can tell! yes! she talks and unless you really examine everything she says and does closely, you would have never guessed that she had such a rough start at life. she is and will always be my little angel.. Ya know, there are different angels that we meet in this life.. there's the helpful, loving angels... and then the very special angels that teach us more (through their "needs") about ourselves, life and love than we would have ever known. cherish him ... even though times can be a little rocky he is a very special angel that.. one day when you look back... you are going to see all the wonderful things he has added to your life. as for your so called friends.... don't even waste your time thinking of those jerks! I do urge you to find a support group of parents that are dealing with the same issues.. sometimes ya just need someone around that KNOWS what you are going through before you even open your mouth to say a word. ((hugs))
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
27 Feb 08
I was so sorry to read about the terrible way you were treated, I am sorry but they are not friends because real friends do not act like that when something sad happens. But at least with the friends that stayed to support you in your time of need shows you who your real friends are, and I wouldnt bother with the others. Of course I would still be friends with someone, it would not matter to me that their child had a disability, they would need friendship and support all the more and I would always be there for them.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Feb 08
oh my I am so sorry to hear how your so called friends treated you. They must be fair weather friends or they would have been happy for you to have found wat was wrongwith your Logan. Good heavens they must be pretty ignorant as autism is not something contagious like the measles. I am glad you have some realfriends who are willing to help you. I myself would never turn my back on a friend whose child had a disability. I also found out who my true friends were when we found our baby girl was brain damaged. those who stayed my friends admired my Lisa for who she was a sweet giving little girl. those who were fair weather friends departed almost at once not wanting to be with what they called a retard. Again they were ignorant a brain damaged child is not a retard, she is brain damaged thats all. I lost our lisa when she was eight but was priveleged to have had this sweet little girl for that long. good luck to you and your Logan.
27 Feb 08
I cant belive that your friends reacted like this, however for sevral years after I left school I looked after children with sevral different disabilities and to be honest I think some of these children are the best but it takes people time to realise this. Although i think it is wrong in the way they have reacted to this people always are scared of something they have no idea about. People do not like the un-known and although this is not helping you I am sure in time that they will realise they are over reacting and that your child is perfectly fine to be with theirs and if anything it will teach their children something.
1 person likes this
@ebberts (784)
• United States
9 Mar 08
There is never a lack of ignorance in this world is there. You are better off without people that feel such as these do. I am so glad that you do have some real friends. I have no problems with some who has a child with a problem. MY oldest has cerebral palsy. I know how you feel.
• United States
5 Mar 08
The people who left just because of your son's autism are not friends but acquantances at the most. You were not feeling sorry for your selves you were just needing some support. That is very cold of people to tell you that they didn't want their kids around your son. As far as I am concerned they have no hearts. You found out who your true friends were. I still would be friends with a person if I found out their child had a disability. That is what true friendship is all about. Helping out the person if they have something that they find out. Being there to support them when they are down. Friendship isn't just about the good times but the standing by your friend in the time of need.
• United States
5 Mar 08
I noticed that this discussion was posted 7 days ago. I hope that you are adjusting and finding the support group that you need. How are you and your husband doing with this? You have the friends you know will stand by you and help you out. They are very good friends and compassionate. I will keep you in my prayers.
@loisse21 (214)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
I am not sorry that you have a special kid there.All kids are blessing and more often than not, special kids turn out to be more lovable and more appreciative than normal kids out there (I know because my brother has congenital heart disease since birth and he too has autism. He's turning 18 come April and still he thinks like an 8-year old)but I am sorry to learn that you have those type of friends who would leave you in time of need. These so called friends of yours need some psychiatric help. Besides, autism isn't some sort of disease which can infect other people. At least now you know who you're real friends are. I am glad that my friends aren't like that. My friends accepted my brother just as he is. Special kids have unique abilities, my brother is a performer. He sings and dance and he can read. He just can't write but he plays with normal children and never became violent or stuff like that. So I'm pretty sure that your child won't be violent or a threat to other children he'll play with. You know that these accusations of your so-called friends aren't true so don't get to affected. Instead of thinking of what other people may say, just think of your son instead Special kids need extra attention. So don't bother about what other people say. And yeah, I'll definitely befriend people with children who have special needs.
@gem4678 (220)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I would do the best I could to help out. It is so very sad to hear this, as we were once in the boat of wondering if our son had PPD or PDD anyways its a step down from autism, fortunatly the doctor was just throwing things out there and he didn't, but as sad as it is to have people react like that, I can somewhat understand. Not to the point of what they did or even that it makes it acceptable, but they are probably just scared. I am sure everyone has seen a case on tv where it was totally out of control, but it doesnt even sound like your sons is that bad, but they are probably thinking in there heads that that is what is going to happen. Autism is such a misunderstood or under-understood problem, it seems strange that with as many cases that there are that people aren't better informed as to what it really is. No matter what that was completely absurd and I would never do that to a stranger let alone a friend. Kids are all special no matter what and they all need love and friends. We need to help eachother out. GOod luck I hope everything works out for you and those friends of yours that stuck around help out as much as they can.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
I think that everyone should give more help to own these friends who has a disability,so that they will feel more happy in the life, if we are not associate with them, then our own disability friends will suffered more hurt in the heart.
1 person likes this