Will you ever teach your children like this?
March 5, 2008 10:35pm CST
Its very sad things that parents are teaching their children to act rudely with grandparents. Its regarding a mother whose son lives in a different city with his family. her son left 2 years back. before that the grandmother used to look after the 2 yr old grandchild all the times.Not only that the grand father also used to do his bits. But the daughter in law is so nasty that she always behaves very rudely with her in laws. Now as the child has grown up a bit, the mother is teaching her child to behave badly with grandparents over phone. recently when the grandmother had a recent visit to her son's place, she was treated rudely by both her daughter in law and grandchild. Now even that child refuses to talk and her mother is teaching her bad words to say. The grandmother is getting very very sad for this. will you ever teach your children like this? don't you think she will be paid in the same coin?
4 people like this
13 Apr 08
Wow thats avery shameful thing for a parent to teach her child, no i wud never teach any thing like that, and yes I am in the same situation, but still i cant say my innocent child all my worries with other ppl, if she has probs, she shud resolve it herself and if not, she shud just forget. But teaching ayoung child is way outta morality....
7 Mar 08
Somehow, I have a feeling that there seems to be a gap - either a generation or cultural one- here. There are many causes and reasons for in-laws relationship breakdown and there are some bad tolerance to be blamed here. It has gotten so bad that one has forgotten that they are adults and that they are being watched by the young ones. Here, the husband has to bear part of the responsibility too. I felt that couples of this generation is really different lacking in tolerance and courage at the same time. However, as there is a saying what goes around; comes around. In the early years of orient history, the mother in laws are usually the harsh ones - for they are overly protective of their sons who is always deemed the head of the household and such oppression on their daughter in law is so common in those days. Today, with the exposure of education and outside world the young lasses of today are able to stand up for their rights and at the same time are seemed to be brash and oblivious to the word respect. I can sense that there are some issues which are often the hottest arguable ones - upbringing, finance management, mannerism and family assets. I believe no one would want to teach young ones to disrespect but rather there may be words said in another tone due to differences.
6 Mar 08
I don't think they teach their children to do it. The children adopt it from their parents. The parents behave not well to their parents, so the children of course behave not well to their grandparents. There is a story like this: A mother moved to live with her son's family when her husband passed away. At the first time, she helped her son took care of the house such as cleaning; cooking; taking care of her son's kids because both son and daughter-in-law have to work. By the time, she got old and sick. She can not do much of things like before even take care of herself like when eating she had problems with her hand so all the food always fall in the floor. So they decide to set for her a small separate table in the kitchen, the mother can have meals there alone. The mother was very sad, but she did not say anything. One day, the kids played to build the house, the father ask them what are they doing? They said they are building the small and separate table for their parents in the kitchen. The father was shock, the next day he thrown away his mother's table in the kitchen and ask his mother come to have meal with the whole family. You see? all from the adult, the kids learn very fast!
6 Mar 08
That was definitely not the right thing to do. whatever issues the mother has with the grandparents, it should remain with the adults and not affect the child at all. That's what I was taught as I grew up. We were part of a huge joint family...and the adults did have issues of their own...we as kids never got to know of it then and all of us cousins grew up as siblings. It's only now after marriage and when I've learnt to read between lines that I have become aware of the issues the adults had with each other. I personally had an incident where my husband and I had an argument over a similar issue. My older son had never really bonded with my in-laws (because even when they lived close to us....they never tried to be grandparents and my son got to meet them only when we took him to meet them once a week). When he was 4, they came to stay with us for a few days....my in-laws would sleep with my son in his room. One night, something happened and my son spoke rudely to his grandfather who told me about it the next morning (in a joking way). But I didn't like the fact that my son was rude to his grandparents...and I scolded him and told him that was not the way to talk. My father-in-law brought up the same issue with my husband in an angry manner and my husband said that our son didn't do anything wrong and it was the grandparents who should be around more often so that the child knows his grandparents and will learn to respect them. This is why my husband and I argues....I felt that whatever the situation...grandparents are grandparents and our son should respect them....while my husband felt that if they do not do their part, they will get it back in the same coin. Now, I don't know what is right and wrong....but over this issue my in-laws have not talked to me and the children (they haven't even seen the younger one) since then.
19 Mar 08
I would never teach my children to disrespect their grandparents.I feel that my brother will pay for what he is doing for my paretns,,,casue he is only 20 years old,,,but backanswers, verbally abuses me on badowrds related to mother,,backanswers and dominates my father and yells at me and dad.ALso he doesnot listen to me at all,,,n disrespects everyone who cares for him .I wish such people should be thrown on a lonely island to fend for themselves ,,without their parents to care for them. And I do believe in what goes around,comes around,,,so there is no doubt these people will apy for what they r doing to theri parents.
• United States
7 Mar 08
Oh I do believe she will get hers, karma is there and will get what she deserves. There is no way a child or even the daughter in law should be treating a grandparent that way, if for no other reason that she is the mother of her husband. I know I had a hard time w/ my inlaws but I always kept communication with them for the sake of the children, now the children are older and can make their own decisions, they thank me for a having a wonderful mother so they can at least have one sane grandparent.
• United States
6 Mar 08
No I would never teach my child to act that way...And by being paid in the same coin meaning the daughter-in-law will be treated poorly when she is a grandparent, then yeah, if she doesn't change her ways, more than likely it will come back to her..
6 Mar 08
What comes round, goes round. She will definitely pay for her disrespect towards the in laws. As parents, we are their role model and must never show bad example to the children. Abusive language, bad behavior and habits are better left avoidable. As of this case, the daughter in law is an ingrate, rude and scheming person. Hopefully, her own daughter will give her what she deserves in future.
6 Mar 08
I always believe that you will harvest the fruits of your own doing. I am sorry for such situations do exist in our society. We cannot blame them for they may have been fruits of bad experiences in their childhood that they don't teach love but hate. Well, we cannot do more but to pray for them. Everything else fails, prayer is still one good tool to make love rule. I will not teach my soon to be children to do such an act because as they all say, love begets love. If we teach them to hate, they will only hate us soon. Stay loving and teach children spread more love!
6 Mar 08
Hello dear subha. I think that this mother is sure to get paid in the same coin some day when she becomes a grandmother some day. We have a saying which goes like this, "you reap what you sow". She is not a qualified mother as to teach her son to say bad words against his grandmother and treat the grandmother so rudely. Parents are supposed to set a very good example for their kids as everything they do have a great effect on their kids, who are the first teachers of their kids. I feel so sad and upset for this old grandmother and feel frustrated at this unqualified mother in the hope that she will some day realize her doing wrong to both her in-laws and her son. Thanks for this discussion.
6 Mar 08
It's really really rude thing to do. And I just feel bad that the son is doing nothing about it. My family has also lived away from the grand parents family but we were never taught this way. Instead mom would scold us if we happen to misbehave with out grand parents accidently. We weren't even allowed to raise our voice in front of them. This is really sad thing. And I know that I wouldn't never ever teach my children to do such a thing.
• Davao, Philippines
6 Mar 08
i guess so...she will be treated same as she become a grandparent too...i really cant imagine those kind of parents who teaches their children to disrespect their grandparents..all i could presumed was that there was a deep story behind all this act...misunderstanding or whatever may have cause all this...since for me its not a normal way of treating one..