I feel like I am losing my mother

thanks for your insight. I just turned 18, and am going through a tough time with the separation, and its hard seeing the way my younger brother is dealing with it. Seeing his pain and neglect from his mother as well gets me angered, and maybe it is why it bothers me so much. We miss our father, he works and sleeps and pays all the bills. It surprises us how quickly she moved on, but I treat the man with politeness. He will never take the role of our father, yet my mother talks about how he wants to sell his home and move his kids and us to a 5 bedroom home in the country. (UH... after 3 months!?!) I am going to college, will be living at home, but still scared about the choices I am making. Financial situations at home are tight now. I feel she is just fake around him, and us. I want her to be happy, we supported this separation in hopes she would find herself again, not jump into a relationship right away with the first guy that came around.. frustrated..

You're welcome to my thoughts. I'm a mother who has been through a divorce, and remarried, and I had two young sons at the time. I think you need to consider all sides here. Your mum will be feeling betrayed, or unwanted, and I feel she picked up with this guy soon afterwards because she felt vulnerable at losing the support of your father, both within the home, and outside. I can also understand that she's grown attached to him, and doesn't want to lose him in the same way, so she's doing everything in her power to "keep him keen" and to once again, have somebody to support and encourage her. My guess is, her feelings are torn, but that if she can win the continuing support of this man, then not only will she have security again, but so will her children. Besides which, you will probably soon be considering setting up home by yourself, and leaving your mother, alone. She can't see herself coping alone... she is used to having a companion, and needs to replace your father, albeit not the same for you. I hope I'm getting through here, as I'm not great at explaining in writing, but my Libra traits have taught me to weigh up all the angles, and this is how I see it. My advice to you is, if you love your mother, which I can see you do, you support her in her relationship with this man, as she has supported the two of you in your growing up. Welcome him into your life, as a friend. Talk to your brother about it... explain how things seem to be, and perhaps persuade him to ride the current storm, supporting your mother as you go. I know it hurts to think that you Mum has stopped caring so much for you, because your father hurt her. But, the reality of it is, she probably cares more than you know, and what she is doing, is what she feels she needs to do in order to continue giving you a good upbringing, love and financial support in all you do. Think about this, please, because if your Mum knew exactly how you were feeling right now, she would feel desperately defeated. She only wants what is best for her whole family. Brightest Blessings, and please feel free to add me to your friends list and PM me any time you want to talk. I will support you and your brother as much as I possibly can. xx

Thank you very much for your much needed support. I will try and give her the space she needs for this relationship to grow.

I think she feels judged by a lot of people because of how quickly she started dating after my father. He was controlling for a large part of the marriage, and she never got the chance to see her family. The only family she knew was his. Now that there has been this separation, there is alienation, but what gets me upset is how she has not tried to contact and of her sisters or brother! I love them and miss them, they call all the time, and yet she makes no effort to call back, or arrange a time to meet, why?

I think you should have a talk with your mom.Maybe she can tell you why she do like that.You can tell her your feelings and your claims,also.Try!

thank you, I guess it is just hard growing up and realizing that relationships change, even with the people you are most close with. I want her to be happy, and she is, which is the most important thing

ya, she works mon-friday and spends the evenings at his house, I usually make dinner for my brother and I, and do some house work, she sometimes doesn't get home till two or three in the morning, or doesn't come home at all. Lack of sleep affects her mood. Weekends is party time and they head off to the bars, friends, or to see bands. She is worse then me when i was 16, worse then me in general, I am 18 and don't party as much as her. It is weird