Mother in-law...mother out-law

@heart143 (1204)
Philippines
March 11, 2008 11:58pm CST
It's a package deal! Once you get married...you got in laws. I have heard of so many stories about in laws, especially mother in laws being the villain in a couple's life. I'm fortunate enough that my mother in law is not like that. We may not be as close but we get along well. I treat her as my own mother and I do my best to please and understand her. I don't want our story to be another case of mother out-law. (lol) What can you say about your mother in law? How's your relationship with her?
3 people like this
17 responses
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
29 Mar 08
hey there! glad to know you have a good (at least good better than worst haha) relationship with your mom-in-law. i have heard so many bad stories about parents-in-law for asian couples and yes it is often caused by the mom-in-law and it is worst if they do live in your house. gladly it is not like that in western area (could be but it is very rare). about mine, we are pretty good. she lives in a different state so it helps coz the missing part is there and when we visit it is always like great ones. before i met her i have known a lot of bad stuff about her coz she is very picky specially when it comes to girls that his boys are showing her. often she tries to terrorize the girl and no one is better than her as teh only girl in her son's life. anyway, having all this in my head i am really scared coz my ex's mom is very close to me and i can honestly say that she loves me and she even admit that i am her favorite, haha! so when i first met my hubby's mom i was like really hesitant but it is all gone coz she treated me so wonderfully that even my hubby is so shocked to see such transformation. i tease him that maybe he threaten her so she accepts me. to make the story short, we get along great, we talk most often we just email each other coz she is not a talker and prefer to just write. but my hubby and even her sister attest that their mom likes me a lot. so that's a great sign, oh the sweetest thing they all think mom likes me is last christmas she gave me bunch of gifts, haha! oh well, his dad is here and just arrived tonight so we will be busy looking around for houses this weekends till thursday, we are hoping that they will live near us so we can take good care of them when they needed us. takecare and goodnight!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
1 Apr 08
hi, thanks for all the compliment (hope you're not sleepy when you wrote it, haha) yes, i have experienced and sensed that kind of feeling whenever i meet someone. i am not sure what causes it but i always rely on my feelings if that person will be a good person or not (based mostly of how i feel) and most of the time it is true. anyway, despite all this i always give someone a chance coz i know first impression is not always true beside i hate judging and be judge so i dont care either way. i am really tired right now, been running around helping dad and the weather is not helping either, geeezzz!!! takecare and i wish you the same in life. goodnight!
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
1 Apr 08
No, I'm very much awake when I wrote it . Thanks too, it's nice having you as a friend. Take care always and God bless.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
1 Apr 08
LOL! maybe im the one sleepy at the time i wrote it, haha! thanks for the friendship too... takecare!
@madlees (1381)
• India
31 Mar 08
Dear heart, You have asked such a nice question. I had my Mother in law only for 2 years . She passed away after that, maybe because she was such a beautiful lady and GOD wanted her back. She celebrated my birthday in the traditional way and was like a mother to me. She looked after me in a way my mother had never done. My mother was a sick person who couldn't look after us properly in our childhood. But my mother in law made it up for me, by petting me and looking after me so nicely. I cannot ever forget her. My father in law and my sister in laws were also very good. SIL's are friendly with me even now. I have been lucky in this matter and God has been kinder to me in this life.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
1 Apr 08
You are very lucky for having such good in laws, especially your MIL. It's just so sad that she had to leave you soon. I'm sure when your children gets married, you'll also a become a nice MIL because you experienced how it is to have one. Have a nice day and God bless.
@madlees (1381)
• India
1 Apr 08
Dear heart, Thanks for your compliments. I am already one. My daughter got married and I have a son in law. My son is yet to marry and I am waiting for my DIL. I hope to be a good MIL to my DIL. All the best
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
1 Apr 08
I'm sure you will be.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
12 Mar 08
I do know that there are many nice mothers in law out there, and I congratulate you for having one :) Actually I think that the majority of MIL are nice in general or at the least neutral. Cases where things don't run as smoothly are the exception not the rule, it's just that when we hear about negative things we tend to remember them:) In fact, I think that in most cases when things are not the best the problem is not necessarily the "MIL" thing but the person that the MIL is. That is my case, at least. My problem is not that she is my mother in law. More who she is. I wouldn't be close to her if she was just someone I know. The fact the she is my MIL complicates things because of the proximity and of course he fact that since she is family - although she doesn't consider me family, just the person who married his son - there needs to be a bit more of compromise - that I would not do if she was just someone I new -.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Yes...all praises for their MILs. You have a point there. It's also maybe because of the bad things we hear from those who have undesirable MIL the we become more careful in dealing with them, trying to be better and get better relationship with our MILs.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
13 Mar 08
Yes storied we hear tend to affect a bit our initial reactions to mother in laws. A pity that people hear more about the negative stories than the positive. I confess I was taken by surprise by mine since I came from a family where additions to the family are accepted as .. well part of the family. It was a shock to me to learn that it wasn't so with every family. Still I tried for many years until I learned that sometimes maybe it's better to just let it go. ON the surface we do fine. But I certainly avoid going any deeper than the surface. It's my way of keeping things as civilized as possible :)
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
I guess that's the best thing to do. If we really can't go along with them no matter how hard we try, just try to be civilized.
1 person likes this
@jcj_111776 (3220)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
My relationship with my mother-in-law was something I didn't expect, actually. The first time I met her, I really thought I was going to endure problems from her. She looked so strict and so serious. But looks can be pretty deceiving. I've been married to her son for six years now and through all those years, my mother-in-law turned out to be like a second mother to me. We chat for so long like friends and she's not the one to side with her son when problems arise between me and my husband. Sometimes we discover that we have some things in common, and I think that helps in the relationship we have.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
I guess the MIL syndrome is a thing of the past now. Most of the respondents here love their MILs as their own parents and that's so nice to hear. I think MILs way of thinking also changed. Before they think that when their , they will lose their child once he/she get married, now it's like they're gaining another child when their child marries.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Mar 08
That may be the case. Because my sisters do have a smooth relationship with their own mother-in-laws. But still there are times that they have some misunderstandings. It's just sad that there are MIL that refuse to give their in-laws a chance...They have already decided that they hate the person that their child married. No matter how hard those people try to win the affection of their MIL, it's a hopeless case.
@cupoftea (714)
• United States
12 Mar 08
My mother-in-law was like my 2nd mom. She passed away 7 years ago and I miss her very much.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
See? Another great mother in law! I guess there are no more "MILs" today.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Sorry, (typo) I mean there are no more "bad" MILs today.
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
1 Apr 08
I'd say our relationship is good. She didn't want me around when I first met my partner but then again that applied to all girlfriends. She was (and still is really) really protective of her 'little boy' and he is somewhat a mother's boy but I perservered and wouldn't let go, no matter what. We've been together 11 yrs now, not bad going. I think that she tolerates me and knows that I try to do the best for him and he is not the easiest person to live with (mind you who is!?). I don't want an 'out law' either even though we are half way across the world from each other. I hate living in a world where there are bad vibes, I pick them up easily and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. So I try and do everything I can to make sure she is comfortable when she is visiting.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
1 Apr 08
I think that's the way to do it. Try your very best to get along with your in-laws and if everything did not work, at least be civil enough to treat them well as a respect for them.
@drannhh (15235)
• United States
24 Mar 08
My mother in law was a lot nicer than my own mum, but she and hubby did not get along, so even before we married, we agreed to move really far away from the families and strike out on our own, you know. They both passed away a long time ago, but neither hubby nor I ever let them interfere in our lives. It was self-preservation. It is nice when families can get along, but when they cannot, then they should probably do like we did and part their ways.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
I agree with you. In fact even thought I get along with my in laws and my hubby with my parents, we still decided to live a little far away from them. It's nicer when you live on your own and you have less chances of in laws or parents interfering with your family. Besides, if you seldom see each other, every meeting is a happy one.
• Germany
13 Mar 08
I have a very loving mother in law, she treats me like her own since she said i was like the daughter she always wanted (my husbad is the only child). Even if we dont speak the same language all the time, we can come to a point where me meet and understand each other. Love your in laws like your own parents---even if you have a mother out-law. Our husband would have never existed without them !
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Very true! Sometimes we just need to try to understand them. They just want the best for their children. MILs love their DILs, although sometimes they didn't show it.
• United States
13 Mar 08
well my mother in law is a very sweet person from what i know. i have had the liberty of meeting her a couple of times and we get along fairly well. although we live hundreds of miles away i thing thats what makes it better. and we dont talk on the phone that much either.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
We also live separate from my in laws. I think it helped in my relationship with them because we do not see each other very often. So everytime we see each other, is like a reunion...happy, eager and enjoyable.
@bmwgem (34)
12 Mar 08
My relationship with my mother-in-law has been strained at times but is so much better now everything has been brought out in the open. We always got on so well but then she did a bit of sneakiness and behind-our-backs tricks which hurt my husband and obviously affected me but once we'd discussed everything the situation improved. I now have a 3 month old son which is her first grandchild and she has been fantastic. She sees him regular and spoils him not just with gifts but with love as well. Mother-in-laws can be difficult if your a woman as you are marrying her son and no-one is good enough for her son. My mother gets on so well with my husband I think he sees her as more of a mother than his own.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Yes, all problems can be solved with proper communications. I'm happy that your relationship with your MIL is getting better. Children do play a very important role in family relations. They are live heaven-sent to be the mediator in the family. A baby in the family makes the atmosphere light and happy.
@kryzteta (52)
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
I am one of the lucky people out there with a great mother in law. We get along pretty well and my husband can leave me with her anytime without me worrying if I'll survive or not. lol!
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Another happy daughter in law! That seals it...mother out-laws are gone.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
12 Mar 08
My Mother-in-law is the best mother-in-law in the world. LOL. She was my wedding planner when I got married to her son. She is on my side, when I have a fight with her son. She is my rescuer, when I am in trouble with her son. She is my secret-keeper when there is something I don't want her son to know. She is a my partner-in-crime when we are trying to do some crimes agains Dad and her son. LOL. She is my activity buddy... be it shopping, getting a hair cut, antiqueing, dining out, crafting and a lot of girl stuff. God Bless my Mother-in-law.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Three cheers for your MIL! Hep-hep, hurray! Take care of that relationship...your MIL is a rare find.
@queenofarms (1665)
• United States
12 Mar 08
Well my mother in-law and I get along now. But it started off bad. I had never met this her until I became pregnant(before marriage). My husband told her that I was pregnant. The first words out of her mouth was are you sure its yours? I just thought that was uncalled for, since she didn't no me. Then I would talk to her about some of the things her son was doing. And all she could she is "He's over 21". One of the things was drinking and driving. I thought she would try and help me talk to him about this issue. Since he may do this with her grandchildren in the vehicle. But no, hes 21 is all she would say. We get along now but I'm sure if there was another issue, I'd get the same "hes over 21" spill. So as you can gather she is not one I can confide in.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
It's really a good thing that you are getting along now. Maybe the children (her grandchildren) did helped a lot in your relationship with her. I do hope it will be much, much better soon.
@snowzhxq (46)
• China
12 Mar 08
I am also a luck women. My mother in law treat me very well. I think most of the mothers in law treat their daugther in law well now. Times is different now. on the contrary, many mothers in law are treated bad by the daugther in law now. because most of the youg girls are the only one child in their parents' home. their parents love them very much and do eveything for them and give them eveything. so they don't know how to care about other's feeling. but for me, I beleive if you treat some one well. they will treat you well also.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
I think so too. Maybe those who were'nt treated well before have learned their lesson. Thay had bad experiences and they don't like that to happen again to their daughter's in law.
@emyrox29 (12)
• Indonesia
12 Mar 08
my mother in law is so great. we can get along very well. we can share anything. even if i can't afford something, i can easily tell her. she also treats me as her own daughter.i can comminicate better with her than my husband does. i sometimes think it is so weird becuase my husband is her son but he could not get along so closed.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
See...the breed of good MIL's still exist! We are all very lucky for having nice and supportive MILs.
• United States
12 Mar 08
My mother in law and I get along very well. When my husband was living in Oregon and I was here in Oklahoma, I would call the house to talk to him and if he wasn't home she and I would talk. I almost get along with her better than my own mother, there are things that I am much more comfortable talking to her about! She is in some senses more supportive of some things I do than my mom. We are on the same wave length on a lot of things. My husband doesn't complain to his mother about me because she sees 99% of things the same way I do.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
That's awesome! Maybe that's why he loved you more!
@mykmari_08 (2465)
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
I could say that my mother-in-law and I have a good rapport. On the average, we get to visit them three to five times a year. And when we are there in the province, they treat us (their son, me, and our daughter) well. We could even leave our child there. As a matter of fact, our daughter is their first grandchild but one of the things I like about them is that they don't spoil her when she's with them. When my husband and I are having problems, I could easily approach her regarding these matters. Sometimes, she is the one asking me about problems we do encounter as husband and wife. I could spend hours talking with my mother-in-law about serious matters and even not so serious ones.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
That's so nice to hear! Another fortunate one for having a good MIL.