Grieving Process

SeductiveAnn - I am sorry to hear about your loss. I cant say that it really gets any better. I was REALLY close to my father and he passed about 2 1/2 years ago. When I am stuggling with a decision (since I am out of a job right now and I am a single parent) I think about him more. Its really hard for me. And maybe that is because with in a years time I lost my Step-Father then my Step-Mother and then my Father. The only Parent figure I have left is my mom. And we are close but I really dont trust her opionion because of past history. And therefore I feel alone alot and it is hard. I do talk to my mother but the things she says dont make me feel better. My father could sit and say nothing and I felt protected and loved. And when he did say something I would always take his advice. I think what you need to do is try to find something inside you that makes you feel better. If that is writing in a journal at night like you are talking to her. Or having a conversation at night before you go to bed (kind of like praying) with her. I know these things sound a little bit crazy but they do help. It will never replace her. And when something in your life happens that you always thought she would be there for, keep her in your thoughts and remember IT IS OKAY TO CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all I am so sorry to hear this ((hugs)). Secondly there is no right or wrong as far as the process goes. We all grieve at our own pace. Sometimes we get stuck in one phase, and that is where it can be troublesome. But we have to go through this process in order to reach to a point of acceptance. This doesn't even remotely compare but when I was faced with the fact that my son is under the autism spectrum disorder, I went through my own way of grieving. Now bear in mind, at the time I was uneducated about autism. I had visions of having to care for him for the rest of my life or of "Rain Man" but it was still very hard, I know of other parents who went through the same thing. Thank goodness with therapy he will be okay, but I admit, even though I am educated about it, I still have a hard time accepting it and fall back to being depressed, only if something triggers it though. Agh I am sorry, I shouldn't even be talking about this. Like I said it's not comparable to what you are going through, all I am trying to say is that, to a lesser degree I have experienced what it is like, going through the process that is and you have to allow yourself to go through it, during your own pace. Don't let anyone say anything to you otherwise.

I lost my dad several years ago. It was hard. I was working a lot and in the evenings I would often drink. Not a good way to deal with things. I still feel like he is with me at times though. I feel I can sense his presence. I know that's strange. We weren't as close as I wish we would have been. I wasn't around much. I wish I could go back and change things but I know I can't. All I can say is that it will get easier over time.

My heart goes out to you Ann. I think a mother's link to her children, whether you are close to her or not is very strong. There is this feeling that you no longer have a safety net that your mother was providing. I still have my mother though she is getting older and I dread the day she is no longer around. Even if I don't see her much or rely on her, I always know she is there. But now I'm realizing she will not always be there and when I think of that it makes me sad, and a bit unsettled, scared even. I remember when my mum's mother passed away, my mum was in her late 60's and she cried like a child for the same reason - her mother had gone. For me, losing a mother is like putting you in touch with your mortality somehow. It brings a feeling of great loss and sadness that we all have inside us. I encourage you not to be in a hurry to stop the tears, let them happen. Remember your mum and feel how much you cared about her. In time her memory will bring a big smile instead of tears. Doesn't matter if you are oversensitive, find someone to hold you while you let your feelings out. Why do we have to be so tough to hide our feelings? Getting back to day to day living may not be as easy as you think. I feel there is a permanent change that happens in your life when you no longer have parents to rely on. Take care.

I've never lost a parent yet but I expect to within the next couple of years. No reason, they're just really old. I've lost other loved ones, though, most recently my elder brother in December. You never really quit grieving, but your grieve less frequently and one day you notice it doesn't hurt as much. Eventually, you can remember them with a smile instead of tears but you'll always miss them. The hard grieving--crying, depression, anger--can last a week or a couple of months. But it does go away. And hey, let the family see you cry. You're not overly sensitive, I was accused of the same and found that those people were afraid of their own feelings and all shriveled up inside. Go ahead and be yourself, you're the healthy one and they're insensitive jerks for envying you your ability to express yourself.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. ((HUGS)) Back in January my Grandmother passed away and it has been so hard on me. I don't know how long it is going to take me to get over it. It just seems like when I am dealing with it, something else happens. I just can't get ahead. I just wanted you to know you are not alone!

I understand what you are going through. I just lost my father last month. It's a day to day process. You can only grieve in your own way and in your own time. I'm here if you ever want to talk about it :)

Oh you poor thing, I am so sorry for your loss. It is heart breaking, it doesn't matter whether you were close to your mother or not, she was still your mother, someone special who brought you into this life. I lost my father 11 years ago (my sister nearly 8 yrs ago) and it was horrible. Yes, you do get over it eventually but there are always moments that will bring the grief to the forefront. I was reading a book last week that got me crying in buckets and of course my B/F thought I was being overly sensitive but it is the way that I cope with the loss, each of us has our own way with dealing with it. He has yet to lose a close relative but I know he will be unconsolable when it happens (they are in their late 70s/early 80s). There is no set time for the grieving period and being sensitive is not a bad thing. I am sorry that you feel you should hide away from yoru family, they instead should come to you and comfort you, you need it. Of course, being with the family will bring back memories of your mother, certain ways of moving their head, or hand gesture and it all brings it back in a rush. But over time this is what you need, other day to day memories to build on top of the painful ones. They say it takes between 6 months and a year to really get over the grief so that you can go on without breaking down all the time. But as I say that depends on the individual. You never stop thinking about them. I made myself go back to work and went to the gym and saw my mother every day to try and help her get over her loss which was even worse than mine. Her soul mate had gone, she had to sit alone in an empty house with all his memories around her. We sat for hours and hours remembering him, telling stories and generally comforting each other. Some people find praying helpful, they feel it is like talking to their parent. It depends how religious you are. Talking about it with your friends will help. There may even been some self help groups near you - where they meet up and share the experience of your grief with theirs and telling you how they have got or are getting over it. Remember you are not alone, we are here to help in whatever small way we can. God bless you.

dont want to get you down but never,never,never you will always grieve for your mother girl 10 years down the line some thing will happen to you and the only person you'll want to tell is your mum she wont be there and you'll start to grieve all over again it gets easier but never fully goes away

my mother has been gone for 22 years now.. and i still grieve over it. im not sobbing uncontrollably constant, no.. but i dont really think it ever goes away. how can things go back to "normal" when what normal was before included her in your existance? things will always be different now.. and youll need to find a new normal. i wish you luck, and my deepest condolences.

All you need to do is pray about it. God fixes hearts.