long distance relationships

United States
March 15, 2008 2:26pm CST
i recently started spending alot of time on the phone with a guy i met online. we both have alot of the same interests and things. after a few days of talking he started calling me baby and stuff, now he;s acting jealous over small things like me going out to breakfast with my female best friend . he thinks he can question me about everything but when i ask questions he gets angry with me and says dont call me anymore things of that nature. he thinks i lie to him. i really wanna know does he have the right to be jealous or question me since were only talkin we are not in a full blown relationship. we do live in different states though. could that cause the reason for jealousy, and the arguments we have over me talking to other guys and things.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
16 Mar 08
since you are still on the getting to know you better stage... i dont think his traits are good. he sounds like a very pssessive person and i think you will not be happy with that kind of person. atleast he is showing his traits already and as early as possible you can stop communicating with him.
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
17 Mar 08
now at this point it is up to you to decide if this has to go on. i think you should start going out with others as well so you can pick the best person for you. i am glad also to see that things are going well for you and him. i agree that you have to tell him what you dont like and what you have in mind. some guys wants their ladies to bow on to them. i believe in give and take when it comes to a relationship. love is something that you give it away and it comes right back to you.
• United States
17 Mar 08
i so totally agree with you about men wanting there women to bow down to them i cant stand that i am not a slave, but today we had a long discussion about things and he told me (in his words) i was the realest femae he's ever talked to i dont hold my tongue i'm honest with him and he likes that about me and i thanked him and let him know that since he has stopped accusing me of talking to other guys and things we have really had more positive conversations and we've been able to get to know each other very well. so i think this may work now that were seeming to get over that little hump that most of the time happens in beginner relationships. but i do have other guys i do talk to jus to see how different things are between them and he;s the only one that i have found that has been totally honest with me about everything, and we talked today again about having a relationship and not wanting to rush things and we are content with the stage we are at now and we both agreed that if we are meant to be we will be everything will fall into place if its meant for us to be what do you thinkg
• United States
16 Mar 08
i've tried to stop communicating with him but de does email me and he does call me asking me whats wrong and things like that and ever since i let him know that if you really want to get to know me better then u need to stop the accusing and the arguments because i have been down that road before and i'm not about to deal with it from someone else and ever since then he has stopped i am gld of that. things seem to be going better now what do u think it could be to make him stop? do u think its because i let him know that he's not gonna treat me that way and now he knows that i am stronger minded than he thought let me know what u think thanks
@sophialin (2677)
• China
18 Mar 08
absolutely,it's your own right to decide whom you like to talk with. he's just your friend,and it's none of his business.to say the least,he still can't intervene you on this part even if he becomes your boyfriend. my suggestion is to keep a normal friendship with him,while don't to build a further relation.that guy has shown his jealous and envious nature which proved to be unbalance elements between lovers. take care.
@sophialin (2677)
• China
22 Mar 08
maybe it's the best way to let it go unaffectedly.who knows what would happen next.i'm glad to see you have made an agreement.god bless
• United States
23 Mar 08
jus lettin u know things have made a turn towards positive ness between me and him. were doin fine in our agreement. we've cut back phone time some jus until we can get my bill down and i'm changing my phone plan too because i was running out of mintues to fast. so things are finally lookin up for us.
• United States
18 Mar 08
thanks for the advice on that today we did have a converstaion about his jealousy problem and this time he didnt fuss he let me speak my mind and he responded in a calm manner which is surprising me and i asked him why so calm now and he said well because u are different from most girls i've dealt with u speak ur mind and u dont have a problem doing that with me. and he;s saying the only reason that he's acting this way is to test me and see what my responses would be to things and i mean we jus had a conversation about so much because i was gettin really tired of things i was about to give up and he knows when i'm fed up already, so i would say we are growin in certain ways but we have established that we are content wth where our relationship is were not gonna move to fast so we'll see how things go
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
I’d say he does not have the right to be jealous of your girl friends, not even boy- friends for that matter. You barely know each other and he is acting like a jealous husband all of a sudden. Maybe you should tell him where he stands in your online relationship just so he knows that he is over reacting. Be careful okay?
• United States
28 Mar 08
oh i've set him strait on that he doens over react anymore but i do have feelings that he's tryin to be a player so i'm watchin out for that but thanks for being concerned
@subha12 (18441)
• India
17 Mar 08
i have varied opinion on online relaionship and also on long distance relationship. it may vary from what you really want to hear. actually i think one should be cautious about online relationship. First try to meet the person but then also be safe. Now long distance relationship can survive on trust and all.
• United States
17 Mar 08
i would like to hear both of your opinions on long distance relationships and online relationships. but since we have each others telephone numbers we dont communicate online anymore we talk on the phone alot like at least 4 to 5 hours a day since we both work evenings our phone bills are sky high but were helping each other out in paying them since we do want to talk to each other that bad, what is your opinion on that? also what if its hard to build trust for someone if you've been hurt in the past? what would u suggest i do
@subha12 (18441)
• India
18 Mar 08
yes i think you should try out both. But one thing i must say,don't spend so much on telephone bills. I know how you are feeling being away, but always keep the expenses in mind.
• United States
18 Mar 08
well i have already paid for that for or five hours we've spend on the phone my cell phone has been cut off twice already so he's helpin me pay for it and now i'm deciding to change my plan to umlimited everything so that way i wont have that problem and he's gonna help pay for that too he's already sent me money for it since he doenst have a cell phone right now so i call his house so i mean it would only be fair.
@klaudyou (501)
16 Mar 08
Well, I understand that even if he is doing all these, you still like him, and still want something with him. He is not abusive, he is only (maybe) in love with you, and if he is far away, not knowing you in person at all, maybe it's normal that he shows a little jealousy. It's not bad - it's not like he'll do anything nuts for this... Only one advice to you, if I'm allowed...don't make any promises or create any obligation unless you hang out some time...He is still a virtual figure for you. He may dream of anything, but you better be aware that a person in the monitor is sometimes way different than in reality... So take it as an adventure and try to have a good time, because love on internet is really a tempting thing and interesting...
• United States
16 Mar 08
well does supposed love have to make him act so crazy he can show it in different ways dont u think so?Oh i have not promised anything and neither has he but he does want to come visit me we've talked about it but we have not made any definate plans because i want to see how his attitude towards things turns out to be.and yes i do agree about th virtual figure thing. looks aren't everything even though he is very handsome to me. yes i am goin to let it ride because i never know once we do meet things may go well thanks for tips
• United States
25 Mar 08
Clearly he's getting a little too into a relationship that it doesn't sound like you feel is there. I'd drop him like a rock. There's no reason for him to be that jealous if you've been talking for a few days. There's no reason for him to be jealous over you spending time with friends. My suggestion? Block his phone number, if that isn't an option, have yours changed. Block him on messengers & e-mails. I had a guy that I knew in real life pursue me to an unbelievable point in person and online, and I've taken all of those steps and so far they're proving to be effective. Best of luck losing him, if that's what you want. I know how scary overly persistent guys can be. [Though mine was worse, dropping by my house at random, him just 'showing up' everywhere I was...]
• United States
28 Mar 08
thanks things have started going better since then but i have certain instincts that he's tryin to be a player and talk to multiple girls at one time and i'm not for that i'be been down that road in my life already and i'm on another road. so if my instincts are right i will stop talkin to him but i dont need to go as far as chaning my numbers and things because once i say its over and whatever else i say he's gonna erase my numbers and things of that nature so i get off pretty easy on that matter
• United States
15 Mar 08
I think that he thinks there is more to the relationship than you do. It almost sounds like he has a very jealous personality. That kind of a personality can lead to an abusive relationship if he finds out where you are. Be careful. This type of person can be very dangerous. He has no right to treat you this way.
• Saudi Arabia
9 Apr 08
Hi MsEddie.. I think your guy is a flirt.. My ex used to do the same I mean getting jealous of my females friends, me going out to have some fun without having guys around, spending time with family members... etc. then he tuned to be a cheater, which was the only reason behind his jealousy... And I agree with you sometimes when the two live apart; jealousy happens from both sides because you don't have the chance to spend time with him while other can and this kind of things. But when he shows over jealousy it's one of two either he is a cheater and he thinks you are -that's why he can't trust you- and I don't think any woman on earth deserves to be distrusted unless she is doing something wrong... Or maybe this is who he is and still this will cause bigger issues with time... I'm not saying this guy is all bad but you have to make sure he is good before getting involved in something bigger... Take care dear :)
@arjun999 (1004)
• India
28 Mar 08
He sound like the jealous type. But i cant be sure. I personally think that it is very difficult for a long distance relationship to survive without trusting your partner. Have you met this guy in person?
• United States
15 Mar 08
He does not have the right. Stop calling him. He is showing the signs of an abusive personality.
• United States
16 Mar 08
i tried to stop calling him and then he blows my phone up asking me whats wrong and then when i explained to him yesterday the way i felt about him accusing me and things he has apologized. he says that everytime he gets something good it gets taken from him so he's going about things in a different way thats when i asked well do you think accusing will keep me around its a real turn off and since then he hasnt tried anything like he usually does when we talk which is like 4 or 5 times a day and he does call me i do not call him because i'm testing him now