Do you have a friend with an insecure partner?
March 18, 2008 8:14pm CST
I have recently got back in touch with an old friend. He was actually one of my best friends when I was a teen and I loved him to bits and we were inseperable. Out of the crowd he was the one I spent the most amount of time with alone and we always had the same hopes and aspirations of life. I got on great with the family and they loved me too so it was all brilliant. He started getting himself into trouble (as boys tend to do in Scotland) and so signed himself up for the Army and was posted down in Great Yarmouth in England. While he was there we spoke daily on the phone and tried to keep out friendship going strong. He done well in Army life but soon met someone and within a few months she was pregnant. I don't know the ins and outs of it all but basically he got himself relieved of his army duties and they both came back up to Glasgow, so Gary could be close to the family. As soon as that relationship started, something changed and I don't think either of us wanted out friendship to change but he now had responsibilities and being the man that he was took them seriously. He got himself a trade, a house, and to cut a long story short lost contact but is now almost married and has 2 children. His fiance though is very posessive and insecure about their relationship, and now we are all back in touch she is not happy about it. My friends and I never knew her before hand and are now having our first proper expericence of her and finding her to be a bit of a nuisance. She has made very clear that in no uncertain terms will Gary be meeting up with the old crowd without her there to supervise. gary has told her that no one elses partners are going and that two of us don't even have someone to bring along so it would be awkward. We will be talking about old times, that she probably knows very little about and to be honest, I don't feel that any of my friends and I should have to go through explaining everything to her while we are trying to enjoy ourselves. I know obviously it is a shame that she feels this insecure about her relationship but I do know that it is through nothing that her partner has done or intents to do. What do you think we should do about it?
3 people like this
• United States
19 Mar 08
I have been with insecure men and it is hard to deal with really. I have a lot of guy friends and run into that every once in a while. I go out of my way to try and include the girl in visits etc. I have this one friend that would hook up with me 3 or 4 times a week for coffee. His new girlfriend hated me at first and really thought I was trying to get her man. He told her that we had been friends since grade school and that she was not coming between our friendship. She could take it or leave it. I actually did not KNOW how she felt until months later when she admitted to me that she made she she came with him each time he came to see me. As she got to know me, She came to trust me and even like me. We are really good friends now and often times he visits me without her. So to make his life easier, I would say welcome her along and get to know her. She is after all a part of his life.
20 Mar 08
Actually Sid that is a very good point. She is part of who he is now and I should just accept that. I think though primarily we were all wanting to go along on this night and pretend that we were 15 again but I suppose we just have to accept that some of us have people in our lives and can't do that.
• United States
20 Mar 08
I think her insecurity may lie in that she just doesnt know you. I do think that once you have her trust and who knows...maybe even her friendship....you will be able to go off with your friend on your own. Her being ok with that will make him more comfortable with it. I would not go to extremes to let her in on every private joke but my focus would be to get to know her and hopefully love her and include her in our group. She'll learn the private jokes etc as time goes on. hopefully anyway.
19 Mar 08
You shouldn't say no, she cannot attend. That's just rude. And as rintintin suggested, it would only likely make more trouble for your friend. I'm a spiteful person, and if I were in that kind of situation, I would likely simply NOT explain every little thing to her during the course of the evening. I'd likely suggest the same to my friends. I'm not saying it is the right thing to do.... because I know it's the selfish and petty thing to do. But I AM a scorpio, and it's the way I think. Taking the high road would mean accepting her to the group for the evening with open arms and happily explaining those little inside jokes, etc. Talk to the other folks in the group and see what they think maybe?
19 Mar 08
Well that is the thing. Kelly says, "Why would I bring Martin, he would be bored and do my nut in. It's the old crew, I wanna be young again for the night" Del says "Em, Laura wouldn't wanna come. She don't know anyone and would rather go out with her own pals" And Steph and me are single. I don't wanna be sitting there getting hammered and Steph getting any ideas. I remember what he was like. And wee Darren is the tag-a-long boy and doesn't have anyone to bring.