4 years is too long

Indonesia
March 19, 2008 12:39am CST
How long do you think to make a conclusion, that he is your future-man? Personal relationship is part of our walk of life, especially to forge a strong relationshp with someone we love. Some need a year to assure their commitment; but not least some need 2 or three years before making decision that he is the right choice. But based on hard realiy, manywho need 4 years to do this important decision. I think 4 years is too long for you to make such desicion. But dont ever get surprised when your man proposes you to be his wife in just 4 months of relationship.........
5 people like this
15 responses
• Philippines
19 Mar 08
I don't think 4 years is too long. In fact, I think 5 years is just enough for you to really be sure. The first 2 years would be really tough adjustment phase. Even up to the 3rd or 4th year. You don't really need to be in a hurry to make a mistake, do you? It is of course not surprising to get proposals in a few weeks but that is the heart working. In the case of marriage you have to let your mind work with your heart because it would be quite depressing to end up in lots of broken marriages. Waiting needs patience. Patience is a value we all need to live happier lives. I think the wait would be worthwhile.
2 people like this
@Zelmarq (12563)
• Cebu City, Philippines
20 Mar 08
I dont think 4 years is too long. Me and my boyfriend is on our 9th year and we still lots of things to discover about each other. We are taking our time and not rushing things for we dont want to regret it in the end. I love him more and more, the more I know about him the more I want to discover more. Its living life with the differences and being able to place ourselves to where we really are. have a nice day and happy mylotting!
@flowerchilde (12533)
• United States
20 Mar 08
... hubby and I 'went together' and then lived together for 6 years before getting married and we've been married for 27 years..
• United States
20 Mar 08
I think that when two people are sure about each other and they believe with all their hearts that they are the right ones it should not matter how long it take I my self would wait for 6 months to a year
@winterose (39892)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
a commitment is something you can not make quickly and expect to get it right, I got married in only 11 months after I met my husband and within 4 years we were divorced.
@chiyosan (30208)
• Philippines
20 Mar 08
i do not think 4 years is too long, after all its going to be your life that is at stake in here. when we make decisions, we have to think it over, and though love is present, we should not be quick to decide and later on regret it. when it comes to love, i guess people tend to jump into decisions too quickly 4 months is not too early... the same as 4 years is too long.
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
Four years is definitely not too long in my opinion. I agree with the first poster for sure. You want to make sure it's going to be successful. The first year or 3 really is mostly adjusting. Most couples go through co-habitation as well before they consider marriage. They live together for a year or two to see how that works out between them. I don't think I would ever say yes to someone who proposed to me within the first couple of years. You never know if it's really a long-term love. Sometimes it can just be a desperate infatuation so you need to be careful. Marriage definitely isn't a decision you should rush.
• United States
19 Mar 08
My fiance and i have been together for 3 years, yes we are getting married but i still dont think 4 years is enough. You have to be sure of this before you step into a relationship with someone. I'm one person that doesnt want to go through a divorce so i will be extra sure he is the right one before walking down the isle. There are to many people that get married and five years down the road they divorce. Yes he asked me to marry him our first year and i did say yes, but we are waiting on the wedding till we can afford it. We had a rough first year and now it only gets better and better. I love him and thats all i need. You know when you know. I dont think an amount of time needs to be set on it, it just depends on the people
• Philippines
19 Mar 08
I don't think there is a fixed length of time for someone to be sure he/she has found the person they'll be spending the rest of their lives with. I have known people who have been in long relationships like 10 years, thinking they'd end up with each other and don't. I myself have been through a 6 years+ relationship and also thought I'd end up with my partner then, but didn't. There are those who have a whirlwind romance of just a couple of weeks or even days and who get married at once and have been doing well in their marriage. If you think 4 years is enough to have known your partner that well, think again. You only get to know the real person once you start sharing one roof and start spending every single day with them.
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
I don't think four years is too long. If you're really into each other you'd be together for four years anyway, right? I think the amount of time to make that decision depends on the person you're with, and the relationship itself. If the relationship is smooth and you both get along really well, have the same goals and such, then you're probably going to be together a long time. If the relationship is rocky, full of drama and lack of trust, then no amount of time is going to make that decision easier, because it's going to be hard to commit to someone you don't necessarily gel with.
@ayou82 (3459)
• Philippines
19 Mar 08
Yeah i think that is too long to decide on something or maybe you have priorities in life that you have to concentrate to before you tie the knot
• United States
19 Mar 08
I don't think there is a set time. With some people it is love at first sight and they stay together forever. But others may need a month. And others years. The most important thing is that both people feel the same way. It is hard when one is more in love than the other or want a more permanent relationship.
• Canada
19 Mar 08
I dont think there is a time limit on life. Why is every1 so worried about how long or short of time it takes to do anything? Why must we compare our lives and our life desicions against others? We are human and supposed to be unquic not robots. If we all took the same time to deside to get married or the same time to grieve a lost loved one, then are we not becoming robots? With that being said, I truly think putting time limits on everything si highly over rated. Stead of worry about how much time has passed or how much time your going to allow to pass start listening to your heart. If your man proposes in 4 months and you are ready then go for it! dont hold on that clock cause that clock can be what causes you too lose the best thing in your life. If your not ready then bye all means dont do it. At the same time dont sit around for ever waiting for some1 else to be ready either, if you are honsetly ready and you feel the other person is just stalling out then maybe its time to move on, afterall you might be right they maybe stalling out cause they just dont want the same things as you do but dont want to give up the security either.
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Mar 08
It all depends upon person to person. The first time i proposed a girl ..she took around one month to accpet my proposal and after 4 years we broke up.. I don't know why.. but i think that it all depends upon how much time you spend with your partner.. how much you know him/her. Sometimes you may be surprised to get a response within 4 months as in my case (just one month but the relation just didn't work out) and sometimes it may take years. But i wanna tell you one incident which happened with one of my friends.. He had been going out with a girl for 4 years in college.. They were serious for each other and were looking for future together..But after completing their college they went different ways and it was just a matter of 4 months that the pair broke because the girl found another guy.. So u see .. U can't trust and expect how long a relationship can run?
@gxnfly (1147)
• China
19 Mar 08
I don't think there is just one answer for this answer.It all depends on different person and different situation.I think you should know the man well enough untill you get married.I am an emotional girl,I think I will marry the man even though we just knew each other for half a year if I think he is the right one.
@subha12 (18449)
• India
19 Mar 08
I think 4 year to decide is just too long. may be taht person is lengthening the process to consider other options. i guess 1-2 years is enough to decide whether you are going to spend your life with that person.