There aren't enough hours in a day...

@teeaye98 (287)
United States
March 20, 2008 1:12pm CST
I have 2 children; a 2 year old and a 5 month old. I wish there were enough hours in a day. I find myself extremely tired, and I can't ever seem to get enough done. I clean a room only for that same room to be a mess the next morning. My husband doesn't contribute at all. He's one of those me who believes that because he works outside the home, he can come home, make a mess and doesn't have to clean up after himself. Then he complains about the house being a mess. I've tried an organizational chart. That doesn't seem to work because of the reason I stated above. A little about myself...I'm a Virgo and I am a little OCD. SO prior to having children, my house was spotless. I would constantly clean up after my husband because it got on my last nerve to have a messy house. My questions to you are: do any of you deal with this same issue? How do you overcome it? Is there anyway to get your spouse to see that they "need" to help even though they work outside the house? Help!!!
1 person likes this
4 responses
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I really don't know if I have an answer to your questions teeaye. My husband is exactly the same and does not clean up after himself for anything. I started just not doing things for him anymore like ironing his shirts and occasionally not doing the washing. It does work sometimes and other times I end up doing it anyways. After I hurt my lower back last year (herniated disc) I decided to not sweat the small stuff and if the house got messy, it got messy and I did my best to keep it clean. I know how it feels not to have a clean house because it use to frustrate me to no end whenever the house was messy and I think I stressed myself out too much, that I overdid it and injured myself. Either you sit down with him and talk to him about it, if he is willing to listen to you or else you just accept it for what it is and do the best you can. We have had many discussions over this and it always ends up being the same outcome where everything is left to me. If I can't be bothered then I just don't bother with cleaning the mess up and if he complains, I say tough luck. My son is my priority and as long as he is ok, then that is all that matters to me. It may not be the way to go but this is how I dealt with it and even though our house is often messy nowadays, I don't let it get to me anymore and do what I can.
@teeaye98 (287)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I really have tried to talk to him about it. My husband is just like yours in this matter. He believes that it is all my job. Now I can say, if I let it go too long, he will clean up a little. Too long means a month. I personally can't live in filth! So, I guess I really have to figure out how to manage my time better!
@madlees (1381)
• India
14 Apr 08
Many of the menfolk in India also believe the same. I think the trend is changing here also as many women are marrying late for the career's sake. In our days it was women folk who do all the work, even if they worked and had a career. Menfolk are not allowed to enter the kitchen in those days. Now my husband helps with me at home. When our kids were small I usd to help him out in the office and also do all the work at home.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Thanks for BR teeaye :) hope it works out for you!
• Singapore
13 Apr 08
no offence, but you sound exactly like my mum! :) she's definitely ocd and my dad does practically nothing around the house, although he's a little better these days. my mum, she can't stand one bit of mess, while the rest of us (i.e. her husband and kids) don't really give a damn. =D we do try to help out sometimes, but it hardly ever meets her "standards". for example, she has to sweep the floors at least twice a day, go figure. my dad used to be worse, but at least nowadays he does do a little of the lighter chores like washing the dishes and sweeping the floor etc. (after a lot of nagging from mum, lol). but besides that, my mum is doing most of the stuff around the house, and needless to say, complaining incessently to her friends that nobody does ANYTHING at home except her. pisses me off sometimes because it seems like she isn't acknowledging what i'm doing (no matter how little!) at home to help out. but well, that's the way it is i guess! hmm... so teeaye, to answer ur question... perhaps nagging is the key! =D
@teeaye98 (287)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Unfortunately nagging doesn't work. I've tried even just talking to him, doesn't work. I'd have to let the mess go for a month to get anything out of him. I wish my kids were old enough to help! Thanks for the response.
@madlees (1381)
• India
14 Apr 08
No flip , Nagging will not work. They will just get out of the house and leave you alone to scream your heart out. Some think it is below their dignity to help and some are just plain lazy... I have seen both types. My son has a home and not yet married. He is looking after his own place and learning to cook now.. His wife whoever it is will be one lucky girl.. he likes to keep clean and I don't know even he will change if he sees a woman at home???
• United States
9 Apr 08
I am a college student taking an online Master's degree in education. I don't work outside the home currently because I just had shoulder surgery and am still recovering. My husband and I have only been married three years, and have this problem all the time. He feels that I work just as hard as he does, even though I am a homemaker while he works outside the house. He wants to help around the house, but then we run into the problem that either he spends time cleaning and helping with chores or he has that time to spend with me before we have to go to bed. So I either feel like I am not getting any help around the house or I am not getting any quality time with him. The way we have solved this is that I do what I can and we both realize that I can only do so much, so if something he wants done doesn't get done, he either does it himself or keeps his thoughts about it not being done to himself. Also we have whiteboards all over the house where both of us can write chores, including prioritizing them so that we both know what is most important to get done. This system seems to work for us, but again, I have my husband's cooperation with this. I think if I did not, I would either have to explain to him how much work I do at home so that he understood or tell him if he wanted more done he needs to hire a maid. Good luck with your situation and hope this is of some help!
@teeaye98 (287)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Thanks for your response! I've been married 6 1/2 years now but I've only been home for 2 1/2 years. It's hard because of my two little ones. I didn't have a problem keeping things clean without the children. My husband thinks that things should still be the same. He fails to realize that I need his help. He's not listening! I guess I really need to manage my time better!
@cream97 (29163)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I feel you. I am a mom of three. It seems like I never have time for me. The kids are running me crazy. I never can seem to take a break unless they are asleep. I am cleaning up all the time. I am trying to relax but I am unable to! My husband tries to clean up, but I do most of the work.