Connecting With Other Moms
By elainablack
@elainablack (34)
United States
March 20, 2008 4:05pm CST
Just curious how many other moms and young moms there are on myLot. I myself had kids young, starting at 18, and just had my second in June. I've found that as a mom, and a relatively young one (22), I have a difficult time connecting with other women my age who aren't moms. We're just too different. So I am hoping that I can make some new friends on myLot, particularly some moms who will understand and respect my situation and vice versa.
I remember my life without kids, and it was thrilling, fun and productive, but my life as it is now is more than I could have ever asked for. I couldn't be happier. I am just hoping to find some other moms out there who realize and accept this too...that even though we're young (or were young at the time) our lives were changed for the better, and we wouldn't change it for anything!
So tell me about yourself and your kids. I hope that we can connect and establish some friendships here.
5 people like this
18 responses
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
20 Mar 08
Hi, elainaclack, good discussion topic. I am now 29 years old, but I had my first child at a very young age of 17 years old. I was in year 12 when I first found out I was pregnant. I was very lucky as all my friends at the time were very accepting of my pregnancy and it did not seem to change our frienships. It actually made things better as they were all very excited for me.
I can understand your situation, I will gladly be your friend. I think it is important when you are young mum to still try and get out and socialise with your children and sometimes without so you can still keep your individuality aswell. I was lucky my mum was always available to babysit if I wanted to catch up with friend for coffee etc. Time out for yourself every now and then is good refresher, I think. I agree with you too, having children definatley does make your life happier and more complete. I just had my third child 2 weeks ago and I am so content and I finally feel complete. I have a 12 year old, 3 year old and two week old bubs. Tell me about your children?
1 person likes this
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
21 Mar 08
Hi, thanks, I am surprisingly not very tired as I am getting more sleep now then when I was pregnant, being up every hour to go the toilet lol. Shanae, my new baby is pretty placid too and a good sleeper, so I am having a dream run so far. You sound very happy with your two children that is so good to hear. Good age gap between your kids too, they will grow up to be good little play mates. I hope you can find a way to have time with your partner, do your parents or his parents live nearby? It is hard to find new friends, I agree, I have been back on Sunny Coast for 7 months now and have only made few new friends at work. Unless you get out and about, it is hard to meet people. Maybe they have mothers group in your area for young mums. I am going to look into that myself.
Hope to hear from you soon, take care.@elainablack (34)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Congratualtions on your new arrival! You must be feeling very excited and tired right now. I appreciate your insight on the situation, and mine was actually more similar to yours up until these last two years, when we moved away. The move has distanced me from what few remaining friends I had left, so I get even less time to get out with them, with or without the kids. Now that I'm living in a new place, I am trying to make new friends so that I may connect with people in my local area, but this is of course a slow process. My husband and I never have nights out alone, or at least extremely rarely, which I know is not healthy. While we love and cherish our kids, I do understand the importance of "me" time every once in a while or "couple" time for that matter.
My oldest will be four in May, and he absolutely loves his baby sister, though he likes to play up the "yucky little baby" thing from time to time. His sister will be 1 in June, so that is exciting. The first year always goes by way too fast! She loves her brother so much; no one can make her smile as much as he does. On top of being a happy, smiley baby, she's a good eater and a good sleeper from day 14 (well...she was 3 weeks premature so those first 12 days in the hospital were difficult and unnatural). I've been truly blessed with my two kids. I'm still debately whether or not to have a third. It's just such a hard decision to make, but I still have time:)
I look forward to keeping in contact with you. I wish you the best of luck, health, and time for naps with your new little one.
1 person likes this
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
21 Mar 08
I'm by no means a young mom,I'm 40, but a mom all the same.lol I had my first at 18. And i'm the proud mother of six. three girls and two boys. their ages are 22,19,16,13,12,9. It was hard being a teenage mom. I cried for three days but i made it through. I always say that hard work brings forth rich rewards. Just hang in there it really does get better. And your life will still be thrilling just in different ways.
1 person likes this
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
21 Mar 08
OOPS! my bad meant four girls two boys.
1 person likes this
@quiltedblessings (1066)
• United States
20 Mar 08
LOL I'm a mom, but not so much young anymore...
I'm 32. I have five kids (and am having no more). My kids are 12, 9, 8,6, and 3. I had my first at 19.
I truly know what you are going through as I went through it as well. It is very tough, especially since most girls your age are going the college thing. Hang in there, eventually it gets better!
1 person likes this
@elainablack (34)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Thanks for the encouragement! I know in time I will make friends, especially when my oldest starts school, which will be pretty soon. It's nerve-racking and exciting all at the same time!
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
20 Mar 08
Being a mum at such a young age tears you worlds apart from others of your age that do not have children. I had my first child when I had just turned 18, and although I still wanted to be with friends they just were not the same as me, I was 18 but older, I had responsibilities whereas they did not. I had different worries to them, all they had to worry about was what they were going to wear for their next night out, which I could not go to because I had a baby. Slowly I found that my friends were slipping away and disappearing, soon I was alone and friendless, not fitting in anywhere, and not knowing where I belonged. I am now 34 and I have 4 children, they are my world and everything I do revolves around them, I am married and I am now settled, I stay at home with the kids and my hubby works, I have 3 boys and a girl, the boys are 16,7,6 and the girl is 2. I am sure you will find many people the same as you and you will make some good friendships, take care.
1 person likes this
@elainablack (34)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Thank you for your insight! This is an awkward part of my life, making the transition from young adult to mom and trying to find a place to fit in and find friends. It's nice to know that there are other women in the world who can relate. I'm sure things will get better with my personal relationships in time. Thanks everybody for your advice and kind, comforting words.
1 person likes this
@karma118 (294)
• United States
20 Mar 08
I'm 22. I had my first at 18. I have 2 now... I have a 3 year old and a 19 month old... It was super hard at first and I find myself befriending a lot of older mothers because my friends my age just don't understand. I couldn't live without my kids. I can't even relate to people my age because they're into the bar hopping, partying stages of their lives and I'm in the reading my kids bedtime stories stage. HAHA Not to say that I don't miss having fun and being free but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I do try and get together with my friends when I can but my kids always come first. NO MATTER WHAT. I know what you mean!
1 person likes this
@elainablack (34)
• United States
21 Mar 08
Right on. I agree with you 100%, which figures because it sounds like we have a lot in common. 22, married, 2 kids, and you know how I feel. Thanks for the reply!
1 person likes this
@banipenet (283)
•
20 Mar 08
Hi! First time, congratulations for your courrage! I became mother at 22, now i have the most beautiful and clever boy from the world. :)) Just joking! Every child is the best in his mother vision. Even if i am older than you (2 years, not much) i trully believe that you are more mature than me because i realised what mean to have a baby, what responsabilities you have to assume, moreover beeing so young.Like a conclusion: your children will be very proud when their frinds will say "Wow!Your mother is so young and
beautiful!" Good luck in life and much love from your little babies and from who you wish! :)
1 person likes this
@elainablack (34)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Thanks for your reply and your kind words, and congratulations to you on your sweet little boy. I have a four year old son and a 9 month old daughter and naturally I think they're the best! :) It's nice to know that there are other moms out there who know what's it's like to get the "M" title at a young age. You've all been very supporting and helpful! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
21 Mar 08
I am also 32 and have 2 kids ages 4 and almost 6. I was still 26 when I had my first but I think for me it was too soon at the time, but now I couldn't imagine life without them. Yes my life before my kids was full of freedom, and very little responsibility and I admit when I am having a really tough day with them I long for those days. But I would still never trade it for the world. But sometimes I wish I didn't have the added stress that I do, since my 4 year old has some mild special needs, which makes it harder. But in time it gets easier and slowly some of that freedom does come back. Slowly... but it does, to a degree anyway.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
20 Mar 08
I'm not exactly in the "young mom" age group anymore but I have been there. I will be 29 in July and I am a mom to six. Yes, I said SIX!
I'll let you do the math...my oldest daughter just turned 12, my oldest son will be 10 in July, my youngest daughter will be 8 in August, my second son just turned 5, my next son is almost 3 and my youngest son is 16 months.
I remember feeling so out of place when the older ones were little. I certainly didn't fit in with others my own age and I didn't fit in with the older moms. Now things are finally somewhat better!
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3973)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I also had my first young, I was 16 when my son was born. He's now 19, and I have 3 more DD14, DS5 and new baby girl who's just 4 months. When they're little it can be so hard to make new friends or stay in the lives of old friends. But as they get older, even if your old friends still haven't had children it will be easier to reconnect with them. Even if they don't have kids, as they get older they'll start to have experiences that make it easier for you to rekindle friendships with them. In the meantime, kids make great excuses to get out and meet new people. Almost every library has a story hour, look for playgroups in your area, various activities at the Y or places like that etc.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I am a mom but I am not young anymore....51. I was young when I started and then medium when I had 2 more and I was in my late 30's when I had my last daughter. I have 4 girls and all are grown except for one....she is 14. You sound like a good mom. looking forward to getting to know you on here.
@shymurl (2765)
• United States
20 Mar 08
I can totally relate to you. I had my first when I was 19. I will be 30 in may. I have a total of three children now. 10, 8, and 2. I still find myself in the same situation of trying to relate to other moms. At baseball games I am the youngest mom. Usually at the games I sit by myself screaming and supporting my son, while the other moms sit bunched up talking. I've tried to communicate with them but we just don't have the same interests. Even if our sons are on the same team.
1 person likes this
@slipknotfan (57)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I was 16 years old when i had my first son. I was married at 16 years old too. And i wouldn't change it for anything in the world.I feel like you do. All my old friends from school are gone because they would want to go out and do something,i would go but i would have to bring my kids too,so needless to say I have no friends now.They just don't understand that we can't just up and go out whenever they call. We have to find babysitter or go somewhere where kids can go.I am 27 now,getting ready to turn 28 in a week,and like i said i have no friends.I too are looking on Mylot for moms to talk too. thanks for listening.
1 person likes this
@miller1978 (1101)
• United States
20 Mar 08
I'm a mother as well. I have 5 children and will be turning 30 next month. I found when I had my first child at the age of 18, right out of high school. It was hard to stay connected with people whom I graduated with because we didn't have to much in common anymore or the fact that I had a baby to tote along with me was to much for them to handle.
My children are 11, 8, 6, 3, and almost 6 months. 3 girls 2 boys. I would not change anything about my children or when I had them because they keep me happy and busy. Yes some days it's hectic, but I manage to keep it all under control.
@kblakley (247)
• Loveland, Ohio
21 Mar 08
I'm not such a young mom, however I did meet my first husband when I was 19 and he already had a 2 yr old son that he had sole custody of. So I became a mom at that point. His real mother left and didn't come back. I know exactly what you mean. A lot changed when I got with him and had a kid........although he still insisted on partying even with his son......thats one reason we're no longer together.:)
Currently, I have 2 children, aged 2 yrs and 4 months with a wonderful man that also brought in a 12 yr old from his first marriage. So to recap I now have 3 total children and I'm 31. Now by this point most of my friend have children, but between me and my hubby we have a few that don't and I find that they just don't understand and we struggle sometimes to have things to talk about. Well at least I feel that way about a couple that sometimes come over. Its really my hubby's best friend, but he has a girlfriend and they don't have any children and they are very well off financially and don't understand sometimes why we don't keep up the times like them buying things.
Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade them lives for nothing. I love being mom and waited a lot of years before I could have kids. (I guess God just wasn't ready to give me one of my own until I was 29) I have my moments of missing life without kids, but there's no way I'd go back to it. Kids really make life worth living!
@kezabelle (2974)
•
21 Mar 08
Hiya im a young mum I suppose, ive just turned 24 my eldest was 4 on the same day and my youngest will be 2 next friday, not only do many of my friends not have children but I had the added hard work of moving city so having to make a whole heap of new friends aswell as soon after becoming a mum.
Its not easy and the only suggestion I was ever given was "go to toddler group" tried it hated it the mums were lovely but the constant competition drove me nuts and while i adore my kids sometimes its nice to talk to people about other things than just my children at toddler group this didnt seem possible no matter how hard i tried.
I have a few friends who dont have children and i find this suits me in that I get to be just me not mummy I dont want to shut away my mummy life but its not just who im about either, i guess its all about finding a balance.
I found a forum where i met some amazing people who i without a doubt consider to be wonderful friends so I do think online can be a great place to find friendship.
@sweetbug (2)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I started having kids at the same age as you, I had my first one at 18 and my second one at 20. I am now 27 and it is like I have a head start on people my age,lol. I have always had older mom friends because when I was younger people my age was in college and stuff, but look at it this way alot of people my age now are just starting their families now and some still haven't when they are all at home when they are older with their kids mine will be raised,lol. I am happy with having my kids when I was younger, kids are a blessing.
