You Ruined My Mylot Party You Unmannerly Cad!

Regina, Saskatchewan
March 21, 2008 12:30am CST
Do you consider it good manners to criticize, then rationalize your criticism, of your loved ones in public, on public forums, or anywhere else for that matter, that removes the expectation of privacy between you and them? Let me make it clear that here on mylot, we have a unique environment where many of us post about our personal lives and the ups and downs and yes, even the ins and outs of our more personal relationships. But we do it with humor, grace and respect. We rant without pointing specifically at the subject of our rants in such a way as to make them a figure of ridicule or contempt. Until recently I haven't seen anyone who was the subject of such a discussion *show up* and take their loved one to task publicly. I was, quite literally, astounded at the reaction I encountered here over the last few days by one such *loved one*. Now I agree that everyone has the right to state their opinion. What floored me was that within a very short time I felt like I was at a party where someone's hubby showed up drunk and proceeded to berate his wife and everyone else within earshot that dared to intervene on the wife's behalf. Everyone flirts at a party - that's half the fun of partying for crying out loud. And mylot is like a party where you can go from group to group, flirt here, have a serious discussion there, get tipsy and silly over there and so on. But it's all VIRTUAL! Helllllllooo! Most of us click offline, and out of sight, out of mind. If someone feels the need to make a point of a personal point in a pointed way, at least have the creativity to post a discussion about it without making it obvious who you are pointing at. In other words, show some respect. How do you deal with *wet blankets* at your mylot parties? Wring them thoroughly and hang them out to dry or just beat them with rug beaters until they cry uncle? Personally, I prefer the latter, but wet blankets can be stubborn don't you think?
5 people like this
8 responses
@tessah (6621)
• United States
21 Mar 08
i think to bring a personal problem into the open sometimes can be a good way to get other peoples input and advice and possibley even a mediator of sorts in some situations. however, if aforementioned personal troubles are brought into public to simply try to humiliate and condemn another and hold them up for public redicule to try and shame another into conforming to actions you are trying to forceably induce onto another to whither their spirit and break them.. it is reprehensible. it is parrallel to tying them up in the town square and flogging them for all to see and attempting to goad the onlookers into throwing rotten vegetables at them to further induce humiliation. to then attack the onlookers who dont join in with yer cause, and to start flogging them for their lack of support and agreement with you.. is madness. what do you do with such types? nothing. you cant change what is within without the others desire for it, so meet them with silent indifference, they arent worth the energy.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
21 Mar 08
And I read that whole thing without taking a breath! LOL Well said tessah and my point exactly. I'd like to see a good flogging....how about you? I have just the person in mind too. lol
2 people like this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
21 Mar 08
nahh.. too much energy in that and the target wouldnt learn anything anyway so its futile. id prefer to put physical energy into more;coughs; pleasureable actions =ox
2 people like this
• United States
22 Mar 08
Tessah, You have so many good points..I honestly think that the people who do this have no class and need to be taught manners because obviously they have none. You never should set out to hurt you SO, just so you can drill you thought process into them.. What the person doesn't realize when they do this is that they lose the respect and trust of their SO. Ok starting to rant when all I wanted to say was good points. have a nice one.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Exactly why I love the anonymity of this place. If my partner were on this site, I would not be writing personal things between us on here. I do think I know the post you are talking about. not sure. but I did read one where a guy was describing a problem between him and his partner and made it clear that she was a member here. It did cross my mind as not being right but then I thought, maybe he told you that he was going to get thoughts from others on the matter. I'm sorry this happened to you.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
Hey sid, it happened to a good friend of mine. I have no problem with partners or family members posting on each others discussions, but when they cross the line of making it too personal and obvious and carry on like they were in the privacy of their own living room while we friends witness it all, it goes beyond the boundaries of good manners and good taste. To then begin a discussion about it and call the supportive members here nasty names and resort to petty threats and insults, just makes things worse and so this discussion. He wasn't looking for thoughts from others when he posted his discussion. He was acting out like a thwarted child having a tantrum. No matter how he tried to disguise it. He picked the wrong group to treat as forum morons! lol
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 08
Spark as you said earlier he was acting like a thwarted child in the matter and you have also said he was an eduacated professional. I wonder what his colleagues would think of his behavior? It's a shame that he couldn't contol himself in a dignified maner.*Shakes Head* At one time I thought more of this person but after the last few things he has said and done I have no respect for him and feel that he has no class. He might think of himself as a very moral person and hold high standards to everyone around him but he just proved that he can't even meet his own standard by posting that post and then attacking everyone who came near it.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
So true bella. I'm so glad to know his SO is strong enough to stand up to him. I know what it's like to live with such unattainable expectations. *sigh*
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Mar 08
I post about anything and or anyone on myLot. I don't care if they are my friends, my SO, people I only know from myLot who I see are having injustices done towards them, no topic or no one is off limits to my posts. I have had friends get "witchy" with me for doing this. I have had my SO retaliate by posting his own discussions about my behavior. I have gotten commended and thanked and praised for bringing injustices to light. Two sides to every coin, so I take the good with the bad. But one thing I have found to be true on myLot and in real life. Is that people need to learn to just let things go. Granted this discussion is 6 days old and it is my fault for only finding it now to comment on it. But honestly, there comes a point when people just need to drop it. I have seen this sort of thing carry on for almost a year concerning other friends of mine online. Someone will post something and the person they are posting it about just HAS to comment and add more fuel to their fire. I've learned that by saying nothing and walking away it is the easiest way for such fires to burn themselves out. Am I still going to engage in my previous behaviors? Absolutely! Are people still going to get mad at me for this? You betcha! Does it matter to me when I sign off? Not one bit!
• United States
26 Mar 08
Your right things do need to be let go and since this was written around the time that all this stuff was going on it was valid as you see no one has touched it in a long time 6 days worth. I only recommited on her to say thank you for best response that is all. I have not made discussions about it or touched any since then see letting it drop. LOL!!!!
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Mar 08
Hey cynical, good to see you. Your particular brand of self expression has been missed here. As for this discussion, it was written in a knee-jerk reaction to you know who's behaviour at the time, which many of us here took exception to. But we all moved on from it nearly a week ago. I will not apologize for my strong feelings about it all, nor do I think, would you expect me to. But until today, I HAD considered this particular fire to be out. Apparently I was wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Mar 08
And that is the thing about putting crap in print. lol. It is there to stare you in the face if you want to look at it. I haven't even been on here but for 15 minutes in the past 4 days. And I ony added notify on to you just this afternoon. That is how I missed it. But I can easily see how someone would feel the need to dig up old dirt if this was the first time this was being brought to their attention. And in a startling turn of events, it was the he who notified the me of this post or I still would be oblivious to its existence.
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Well let's see I think that it lack class and that if a person is brass enough to do that then they really need a reality check not to mention that move to below a snack in the grass. I have little respect for anyone who verbaly trashes their SO or even if it's not a verbal trashing being crass enough to air your dirty laundry and then critisize your loved one and her friends. To me it shows no respect or morals. But hey what do I know we're all online wh0res. Just because you can twist your words to make it seem as if you have a valid discussion doesn't mean that you deserve to berate the community.. Then to have such a low opinion of a supportive community and then go and post in that community for responses to your discussion means that you should have that same low opinion of yourself. I personally feel that it's wrong to literally type or post about a person wether it be a friend, family member or a loved one if you know that there is a possibility of them seeing the post and getting hurt by such post. My family doesn't touch mylot so thankfully I'm safe. My SO knows when I post about him and just laughs. LOL!! But I don't say too much about our personal life or our problems here. Everyone that responds to a post should get respect as long as they are being respectful and if the thread is disrespectful to the community then the OP should be ready to be getting a tounge lashing or rather a keyboard spanking. Now on to how do I deal with the mylot *wetblankets* I simply ignore them because they do not deserve my attention at all. They are ignored. What can they do if no one responds to their negativity, it them ends there. I don't waste the energy anymore to wring them thoroughly What's the point when they are living in their own fantasy world you can't reach then when the lights are on and noone is home. LOL!!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 08
sorry typo snack in the grass is supposed to be snake in the grass.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
Well that about sums it all up and then some! lol Well done bella and ditto, ditto, ditto. And I like the thought of the snake in the grass becoming a *snack* in the grass. LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Mar 08
Thanks for br
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
22 Mar 08
I don't know which cad you are talking about or which discussion you are refering too, but I've seen threads degrade on husbands and boyfriends. Most times I object or put in a counterexample, and almost sure enough I'm met with odd excuses from them or insults towards me, or the classic shaming language. I Recently saw two discussions berating on a supposed loved one and in my view the "offenses" were completely minor that one really shouldn't have qualms over it. Sometimes I handle people like this by confronting them. There are times I get through, there are other times people employ whatever they want in order to continue being puerile.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
Puerile minds engage in puerile behaviours. This is a large community so there are going to be scads of those kind of discussions. For the most part I skip right over them, though, like you, once in awhile I step in to add a bit of balanced reasoning to the mix. Sometimes I'm met with *yeah, right!* and sometimes *yeah RIGHT on*. What galled me about the subject of this discussion was that *he* is an educated professional and the last thing I expected was such puerile behaviour. The dicotomy though fascinating was too annoying to ignore.lol
1 person likes this
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Ugh, I answered this once and lost internet connection so I lost my answer! Summarizing; My husband has a mylot account. He reads here once in awhile and posts even less. He mainly sticks to the medical discussions because that is his expertise. I will sometimes have little pet peeves about him in some of my posts if that is what the discussion asks. Nothing too bad though and he knows about them and is fine with it. I would never start a discussion to complain about him or to call him out though.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
Don't you just hate it when you lose a response? LOL I had to type this discussion twice myself just to get it up and running. Verrrry frustrating, but I think it came out better the second time. lol I'd calmed down by then. We all post about our pet peeves. That's the beauty of this place. It's HOW we do it that matters. You obviously handle it well. I'm sure too that if you stepped inadvertently over a private line that you and hubby would work it out offline right? Of course you would. So would most adults.
1 person likes this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
22 Mar 08
I think it's incredibly poor taste, and shows a tremendous lack of respect to criticize a close family member on a public forum that they frequent. It's the airing of dirty laundry, and no good came from it in my mind, just a lot of hurt feelings. I post about people, I post about my life events, but everyone is anonymous, myself included. None of my friends, family or people I know come here, and if they do, I don't know about them, just as I'm sure they don't know about me. Honesty is my only excuse...
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
Right on buff dude! I wasn't hurt by what went down, but I sure was ticked off. All that talk about lines being crossed, when lines were being crossed by *him* all over the place. Threatening our P1ke was the last straw for me. Even though nothing would come of such a threat, that was the point where I drew the line and lost all respect.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
21 Mar 08
Oh dear Sweetie I guess someone has wound you up lol But I have to say I agree with everything But you know we get them all the time and it will never change Hugs to you
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
Yep, someone has wound me up alright. Had to get it out of my system and as the winding up happened right here on the lot, I thought I'd help myself to some unwinding at the *scene of the crime* so to speak. lol Hugs to you gabs.
1 person likes this