Needing some ideas about how to deal with a strange situation with a friend.
By whiteheron
@whiteheron (4222)
United States
March 22, 2008 1:08am CST
I have an odd thing that came up and I am wondering how to deal with it...
About six years ago, an older friend of mine was feeling extremely shy and unattactive and I wanted to help her feel better about herself so I told her that a man in the meeting we went to liked her and was asking about her and admiring her. She always asked me to point out the man and I always refused and acted mysterious. I never told her who the man was... I couldn't as I invented the man just for the purpose of lifting her spirits knowing full well that if she felt attractive she would eventually attract someone.
She has been in a relationship with a good man since then but now he is not in the area and she confronted me tonight asking me who that man was that liked her and said that it always had bothered her that I never told her who the man was...
At first I could not remember what she was talking about and she wondered how I could have forgotten... and then, after she left, it hit me... that I had made up the whole thing
Now I am wondering... should I just claim that I can't remember the guy which is true as he never existed and cannot be remembered or tell her what lengths I went to back then to make her feel better and perhaps lose her trust in my word now and also that she might think badly of the pretense when my intent was only to boost her confidence so that she would shine bright and attract someone in her own right.
This is an odd problem that I have created for myself...
Does anyone have any suggestions about what to do in this instance?
I am thinking as we are all females we might be able to solve this one together...
I am wondering what to do. Help!!!
1 person likes this
8 responses
@SViswan (12051)
• India
29 Mar 08
It's been 6 years and this woman is in a good relationship now. And from what I read, if she's still thinking about the 'man', then it probably had the positive effect on her that you expected.
It's better it remains the way it is ...and 'you don't remember' is the truth....unless you feel she will take it in the right sense. Your hesitation in doing so....makes me feel that you don't think telling her the truth will be a good idea.
Let things be.
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Well, she was in the relationship with someone else for about four or five years but now that fellow has moved and she was wondering about that other fellow that I had mentioned as she was hoping I think to have someone.
I am now wondering if I should try to find someone for her... or let well enough alone.
@princesita4ever (145)
• United States
2 Apr 08
uuu lol, that's a hard decision and I will say nonononono If I were you I would not tell her that you made that up 'cause then everything you did back then it would have been for nothing because eventhough she have a boyfriend now the true can put her self steam downnn, just act like if you don't remember or everytime she ask you that question tell her that is going to be one secret she would never know and start laughing and then just tell her that you are sorry but you truly don't remember how he look I think that one could work
Good luck ;)
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I am thankful that when she asked me, I really did not have to lie about it as I had forgotten the whole thing...
It is odd how I remembered only as I walked up to my front door, after she drove off at abotu 10 p.m. ... Then it was "Oh no, I can't believe I did that back then... and what am I going to do now? Tell her... Don't tell her since I already told her honestly I could not remember the man having forgotten that the reason I could not remember him was because I had created him in the first place.
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I think, that if she is still in that relationship, it would be safe to set her down and tell her what happened.
Your theory is correct. The universe hears the vibes, thoughts, feelings, that we put out. I we feel attractive, than we will attract someone. I think she will appreciate what you have done for her when you explain it in a way that will help her understand. If people reading my response think you or I are crazy in our thoughts, than they don't know the joy and results of positive thinking.
You know her better than anyone else. You know what she will be able to handle and what she won't... but my guess is... since it has been so long.. she won't be upset especially since you did it with her good will in mind.
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
1 Apr 08
She is in no relationship that is satisfactory at present so I will hold off...
I appreciate your comments about attraction, etc. it is true...Positive thinking works...
I am needing to work on that area now myself regarding finances, etc.
@DevilHands (573)
• Philippines
23 Mar 08
Man!!! That's a tough situation you got there.
If you were me though, I think I would not tell her that I lied. I mean, she has been thinking about it for a long time for nothing! 6 years? Oh man oh man! I think it's best if you just told her you forgot. Not only would that maintain her confidence but it would keep her guessing. She doesn't seem like the type who would take these things easily.
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
25 Mar 08
Hi Devilhands... thanks for your post and again for the Avator info.... was wondering how you got your name?
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
25 Mar 08
I wish I had not played a game of pretend with her... or lied... I was intending to help her and I was more stupid frankly than I am not... I do not want to hurt her. I will not lie again to her... She told me to call her and tell her if I remember... I cannot remember something that does not exist. If she calls me on it, I will tell her and face the consequences.
@nAyOhMi14 (298)
• Philippines
30 Mar 08
you know what even though you just want to help her, it looks like you fooling her around..Don't ever lie to a friend.You just made her hoping for nothing...If you really care for your friend you should tell the truth. Don't make her stupid. Just explain to her why you did that. Whatever kind of lies you made it's still a lie...
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
31 Mar 08
This is something that happened six years ago when I was younger and not as bright as I am... I saw her pain and rushed to try to relieve it... Had I been able to get a guy for her then, I would have... I just wanted her to feel better about herself. The motivation was okay but the action was not good... I totally agree with you I should not have done it. I though would hurt her worse should I tell her. I have seen her recently and the subject did not come up. My inital and honest memory lapse about the whole thing when she brought up that stranger recently apparently was believed. I will tell her the truth if she asks me about it again but I will not volunteer the information as it might hurt her feelings. That is something I do not want to do.
@Kaeli72 (1229)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Eeekkk...I see why you did this in the first place, sounds like something I'd do.
What should you do? Depends how frail her ego and emotions are. If she's as strong as an oak and you think she can handle it, then break it to her, gently. If she's as frail as a weeping willow, then I'd lie and say that you're pretty sure he moved or he has a girlfriend.
When the truth hurts, keep it to yourself. I have and things came out in the open in their due season.
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
23 Mar 08
Thanks for your vote.
I talked with one of my older friends who also thought that it was wise not to share the information... Her feeling was that it could hurt her feelings.
I am glad that my first reaction to her question was a huge memory lapse. I could not, for the life of me, remember anything about that time, six long years ago and she, I believe, could tell that I could not.
I think that I will continue to say that I cannot remember him as I will, according to my older friend, be moving from a lie to a half truth as one cannot remember a person who never existed.
Thanks both of you for assisting in this area.
I appreciate both of you.
