The pain of domestic violence
By wrongway
@wrongway (277)
United States
March 23, 2008 10:21pm CST
You read about domestic abuse and domestic violence and your heart goes out to the victims, thinking you know how it must feel to be in a situation like that. Domestic abuse is not always physical and I am now feeling the effects of it first hand. My daughter has been married to a man for 13 years and has lived a horrific life with him, from living in a tent in the middle of a hay field with her husband, his two sons from a previous marriage and her own two children by him, to living in a one room motel with four small children and two adults. Kids missing school because of no clean clothes to put on and eating dry cereal because there is no milk (but daddy can bring milk home to make oyster stew for himself while kids eat hot dogs). He kept her stranded with no transportation, no phone, and no friends. In 13 years of marriage they lived in 16 different dwellings (not counting the tent) due to being evicted for not paying rent. She finally got up enough nerve or courage to leave him and is now in a shelter. I can't explain the feelings I am going through right now trying to deal with this. My heart is breaking for my daughter and my grandchildren.
Have you ever been an abuse victim or had a loved one that was a victim? How did you deal with it and what did you do to help?
I have a web page with her story on it. You can read it at: www.oleandlenas.us/kpa.html/
1 person likes this
2 responses
@rpegan (596)
• United States
24 Mar 08
I know some women who have been victims of physical and mental abuse. In all honesty, the best thing you can do is show support. In the end, the choice to change her life and to get away from a bad situation belongs to your daughter. You can give her advice or tell her what to do until you're blue in the face, but she needs to fully realize the magnitude of the situation and decide for herself that she wants a major change.
@wrongway (277)
• United States
25 Mar 08
This is the second time she has left him but the first time it was her choice. The first time she left him it was at the urging of one of her friends and myself because of living the way she was in a tent. She has made the choice this time and I think she will not change her mind. She has called me from the shelter almost everyday just to talk as I think she needs to know I am here for her, and I am.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
28 Mar 08
I have only heard of stories like your daughters wrongway and have not experienced this firsthand. She is such a strong person to have her and her kids endure all that during her 13 year marriage, to have said, enough is enough and finally leave him for good. I don't know what I would of done if I was in her situation or if I had a daughter going through the same thing. All I know is that I would be there for her everyway I can. I am sorry that you both are going through this. HUGS!!!
@wrongway (277)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Thank you for the hug and kind words. I know my daughter is strong and will be okay but it is really hard on the children. Harley, the oldest is now here with me and my partner and I see his pain first hand. He is so afraid to ask for anything or do anything as he is afraid he will get into trouble or get hollered at since that is how is daddy was. We are now working on getting the father's visitation stopped (he was physically abusive to the children)and then hopefully the children and my daughter can begin to heal.
